courage

sometimes a song speaks to me. right now i am listening to "courage is" by the strange familiar. click here to listen. 

 the lyrics just ring true for me. 

Take all my vicious words and turn them into something good

Take all my preconceptions and let the truth be understood

Take all my prized possessions and leave only what I need

Take all my pieces of doubt and let me be what's underneath

- The Strange Familiar


let me be what's underneath all my doubt. i spend so much of my time doubting my abilities, doubting my strength, doubting my Self. 

We all have excuses why living in fear something in us dies

Like a bird with broken wings, its not how high he flies but the song he sings

- The Strange Familiar

we all have our limits, but we can rise above our limits to be our best selves. 

Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway

Courage is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway

It's not how many times you've been knocked down

It's how many times you get back up 

- The Strange Familiar

courage is living. life is hard. life can be really, really hard. life can knock you flat on your ass. getting up again and continuing to live is courageous. 

Courage is when you've lost your way but you find your strength anyway

Courage is when you're afraid

Courage is when it all seems grey

Courage is when you make a change and you keep on living anyway

You keep on moving anyway

You keep on giving anyway

You keep on loving anyway

- The Strange Familiar

keep on keeping on. finding the strength to keep going, to keep living, to keep being ... that is courage. 

as my dad always says, "don't let the bastards get you down." tell me about your courage by clicking here. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

brene brown

last night, radical t and i were talking about connection and its importance in our lives. radical t reminded me that brene brown states that we, as humans, are hard wired for connection. i then went to bed and read some brene brown. i wanted to share some of her gems of wisdom ... 

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ..............  “Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”  
― Brené Brown


connecting with others makes us feel seen, heard, and valued. it gives us a sense of belonging and a reason to be here on this planet. 

“Living a connected life ultimately is about setting boundaries, spending less time and energy hustling and winning over people who don’t matter, and seeing the value of working on cultivating connection with family and close friends.” 
― Brené Brown

connecting doesn't happen with everyone. i can't be authentic with my students all the time. i'm not authentic with the grocery store clerk. i make my connections with the people in life who matter. finding the right people to make connections with means figuring out who makes you feel heard and valued.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” 
― Brené Brown

suffering is what happens when there is a lack of connection. not connecting with people leaves you feeling lost, undervalued, unheard, and not belonging. loneliness leads to numbing through things like addictions, eating disorders, anxiety, depression ... 

“There’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen.” 
― Brené Brown

letting yourself be seen is the scariest and bravest choice that you can make. it means living an authentic life. telling your story to those who deserve to hear it. 

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” 
― Brené Brown

i used to be an expert on numbing emotions. i found many non-unique ways to rid myself of painful emotions which led to the ridding of positive emotions. you can't feel joy if you don't allow yourself to feel grief. 

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” 
― Brené Brown

being courageous and being seen is the opposite of numbing emotions. showing yourself to the people who you can make real connections with is a way to feel like you belong. courage and authenticity go hand in hand. 

“If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken. In this way, we need to cultivate our story to let go of shame, and we need to develop shame resilience in order to cultivate our story.” 
― Brené Brown

i have chosen this blog as a way to tell my story. by sharing my story with the world, although anonymously, my shame loses its power. and by sharing even more details about my story with people who have earned the right to hear it, shame disappears. 

“the culture of shame is driven by fear, blame and disconnection and it's often a powerful incubator for issues like perfectionism, stereotyping, gossip and addiction” 
― Brené Brown

disconnection happens when shame is allowed to fester and run your life. disconnection is the opposite of feeling seen, heard, and valued. 

“In our technology-crazed world, we’ve confused being communicative with feeling connected. Just because we’re plugged in, doesn’t mean we feel seen and heard. In fact, hyper-communication can mean we spend more time on Facebook than we do face-to-face with the people we care about.” 
― Brené Brown

i spend way too much time on the computer. communicating through social media, blogging, and texting, and until i really thought about it, i thought that it was connecting. but it's important to get off the techno, and come face to face with the people that matter in our lives. 

try it. 

be kind to yourself, 
and most importantly ...

“Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.” 
― Brené Brown

xoxo

...

baby steps

change is hard. 

and it doesn't happen all at once. 

i often make the mistake of trying to make a bunch of changes all at once which is setting myself up for failure ... which is inevitable ... 

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein

i need to change my thinking about changing. i need to stop trying to make all these giant shifts all at once. small steps each day is the only way to make effective changes. 

for example, tonight i added broccoli to dinner. that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it really is. broccoli and carrots. tomorrow i plan to drink a glass of water. just one. i never drink water. mostly because i have to pee all the time and i know that drinking water will make it a hundred times worse. but tomorrow my baby step will be to drink a glass of water. 

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol

i could sit around and wait for my life to change. i could get up tomorrow and eat only healthy foods, drink lots of water, work-out for an hour and a half ... i could do all that ... but i wont do it again the next day. changing yourself means being realistic and making small steps. 

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” ― Maya Angelou

my current state is not nurturing. i am not happy with my life the way it is right now. there are things that i need to make different. and i need to acknowledge that it is hard. 

“Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

we only have one life, and we only have one self. altering our lives means altering ourselves. we need to adapt ourselves to be our best selves. and this means taking baby steps towards greatness. this means pushing through, and pushing past what we think we cannot achieve. 

“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” ― Madonna

who knew i would offer advice from madonna. but it's good advice. becoming a better version of yourself is possible. it is not out of reach. but not by making giant changes all at once. 

“How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the whole day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day.” ― Anne Frank

now anne frank, that's more my style of offering wisdom. 

each night when i lay in bed, i make it a point to go over my day and consider the good and the bad. i then follow zed's example and i think about the people in my life and my wishes for them. and in the morning, i endeavor to do better.  

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

geneen roth said, you are not a problem to be solved. that is a very difficult thing to hear and believe. but making changes doesn't mean that you are broken or worthless. it simply means that you want more for yourself. that you deserve better than the life that you are living. that you deserve more. that you deserve to experience enoughness. 
(see http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2014/04/enoughness.html) 

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

remaking ourselves IS possible. it isn't easy. but nothing worthwhile is easy. altering habits isn't easy, but it can be done one day at a time. it's the belief in ourselves that needs to change.

believe in yourself and your ability to be great. believe in your ability that you are enough. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

butterfly wings

my blog is doing better than i ever expected. 

Pageviews today

69

Pageviews yesterday

56

Pageviews all time history

11,046

those are the stats from this blog. 11,046 page views. i have started to receive feedback through email, and comments. and it feels great. i hope that my words resonate with people. 

today i want to write about butterflies. again. i was recently asked how i will know when i have grown my wings, and that question has stayed with me. 

how will i know?  

“Hundreds of butterflies flitted in and out of sight like short-lived punctuation marks in a stream of consciousness without beginning or end.” 

― Haruki Murakami

in order to gain my wings, i will need to come to terms with my past. butterflies leave their caterpillar selves behind them. i am examining my story. sharing my truths that have been bottled up and kept secret for so long. through this process i am growing my wings.

maya angelou wrote: "we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." the changes that i am going through are long and hard. looking at myself and looking at my past is hard work. understanding where i came from and how i came to be who i am today is helping me to become a stronger, happier, healthier person. we can't just become a butterfly without entering a cocoon and turning to goo and reforming as a new creature. 

change is terrifying. change means giving up the familiar, giving up what we know to be comfortable even when that means remaining in discomfort. sometimes it is easier to stay with the discomfort that we know instead of moving into the discomfort of the unknown ...

 in order to fully change, i have entered the discomfort of facing my darkness and sharing those dark spaces with the people i love. choosing the right people to share with means receiving empathy and compassion. a mere 2 months ago, i couldn't get off the couch, and now i have crawled out of my cocoon and am letting my new wings dry before  i try to fly.

going through darkness means facing the discomfort of my past. not dwelling in the darkness, not dwelling in what was, but learning how to make what is out of what i know, and relearning what could be. 

that was complicated ... 

going through darkness means facing the reality of my childhood, and learning how to take care of myself instead of everyone else around me. it means acknowledging what i didn't get from my parents, so that i can seek out those things now from other people, and learn to be a better teacher and a better parent myself. 

as scary as change can be, it can also be good. without change, there would be no butterflies. without change, there would be no growth, there would be no flowers, there would be no beauty in the world. without change there would be no art, no music, no creativity. without change, there would be no need for courage. and we would repeat the cycle of our parents, and grandparents, and their parents, and their parents. cycles of poverty, of violence, of addictions, of struggle. we need change to be able to create new cycles of love, hugs, beauty, affection, healthy relationships, and self-love.

sometimes changing is scary for the people around us. they wonder how they fit with the new you. remember that you aren't changing to get away from people, but to learn to love yourself more deeply. 

i trust this process. i trust the changes that have been happening within me and around me. i trust that one day i will be able to fly. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

fears revisited ...

“Now it's the dark's turn to be afraid.” 

― Joseph Delaney

fears.

Feelings Evoked by an Anxiety Response.

fears can take over our life and prevent us from truly living. i have written about fears before, in relation to worries and anxiety. today i want to talk about fear in relation to taking risks. 

“I’m afraid I’ll be a book that no one reads. Music that no one listens to anymore. I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater.” 

― Tablo

being afraid of not being seen, of not being remembered, of not being noticed, is very common among women that i have been speaking to. the idea that the world could continue on without us in it is scary and causes you to feel lonely and alone. 

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” 

― J.K. Rowling

but naming your fear takes away some of its power. i am afraid of losing people. it's my biggest and scariest fear. the fact is, people come in and out of your life at different times and for different reasons. when i was younger, i was afraid that there were "bad guys" hiding under the bed. and to this day, i have to sleep with my hand curled up in my blanket and no part of me can be hanging off of the bed. 

“Fear cuts deeper than swords.” ― George R.R. Martin

our fears can prevent us from taking that leap towards greatness. fear of change, fear of the unknown ... fear of discomfort. these fears can be paralyzing and prevent us from doing the things that we need to do to grow our wings. 

“Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.” ― Paulo Coelho

facing our fears is a challenge. but the rewards can be plentiful. overcoming the things that scare us set us up on the road to greatness, to self-discovery, and to growth of our wings. 

“To know a species, look at its fears. To know yourself, look at your fears. Fear in itself is not important, but fear stands there and points you in the direction of things that are important. Don't be afraid of your fears, they're not there to scare you; they're there to let you know that something is worth it.” 

― C. JoyBell

fears are there to let you know that something is worth doing, worth having, worth being. fear is there to tell you that taking a risk is necessary to reach the next step. 

“It's like the smarter you are, the more things can scare you.” ― Katherine Paterson

some fears are there to protect you. like fear of dying prevents you from jumping off a cliff. duh. i'm not talking about self-preservation. i am talking about fear of public speaking, of applying for a new job, of leaving an abusive relationship, of moving, of starting fresh, of singing, of making art, of trying something new ... fear of taking a risk, getting messy, and making a mistake. 

“...she was so afraid of everything that she made it impossible to really enjoy anything at all.” ― Lemony Snicket

intense fear can overtake you and make it difficult to enjoy life. if you are always taking the safe and easy path, it can become boring and you can become stuck. trying something new can add an enrichment to your life that you never thought possible. my newest thing is listening to podcasts about PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and learning everything that i can about this disorder so that i can start to make the changes that i need to feel better in my body. admitting that i need help to navigate my way through this journey called "life" was scary - asking for that help was terrifying! in the beginning, receiving help was uncomfortable. now it has become okay for me, and i am asking more often.

when i picture fear, i picture a turtle, who protects itself inside its shell. i don't want to poke my head out of my shell, i want to shed my shell entirely. 

eleanor roosevelt said: "do one thing every day that scares you." what will your one thing be today?


be kind to yourself, 

creativity

"to live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." - Joseph Chilton Pearce

being wrong. total fear. who wants to be wrong? who wants to put themselves out there and make a big mistake? but in order to live a full life, we need to be creative. 

"we have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down." - Kurt Vonnegut

creativity doesn't mean that you have to paint, or draw, or sculpt, or write plays, or make music. creativity can be in the kitchen, as you add a new ingredient or cook something new. it can be in the way you speak, the way you arrange your furniture, the accessories you wear or dress your house in, the way you play with your kids ... there's no limit on the ways to be creative. 

"others have seen what is and asked why. i have seen what could be and asked why not." - pablo picasso

without creativity, the world would be boring. everything would be the same. the sameness would be suffocating. but often creativity isn't easy. we are bombarded with images and messages all day long, both obvious and subliminal. these messages encourage sameness, not creativity. 

"creativity takes courage." - henri matisse

it takes courage to break out of what society tells us we should be, how we should look, what we should value, and how we should behave. creativity is being willing to step outside what is considered "normal" and be willing to make mistakes. life is messy. life is not perfection. and being imperfect and messy is exceptionally terrifying. 

"to be creative means to be in love with life. you can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it." - osho

i think that we need to take the idea of creativity beauty, dance, poetry, art, and music and look at those metaphorically ... making beauty in the things that you do - in trying new things, in speaking your truth, in managing your life ... in finding ways to engage in play. 


i think that a creative life is a brave life. how do you incorporate creativity into your life?

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

never give up

i have been receiving comments from people lately about this blog and how they connect to my stories - my truths. readers have been offering me their own stories, their own truths. some are heart-breaking, some inspiring. all are valuable. 

i have been sharing with readers, and readers have been sharing with me. i take as much from you who read my blog as you are taking from my writing. this sharing of knowledge, of wisdom, gives me the strength and courage to keep writing. 

one of the emails i received was about tenacity. so i started to think about the ability to face a challenge, to look it in the face, and to keep going.  

change is hard. change is a long process. a winding path that doubles back on itself in crazy loops. 2 steps forward, 73 steps back ... ok, maybe 1 step back. the magic won't happen if you give up. the magic comes from tenacity. my point is, that anything worth doing takes time - sometimes a LOT of time. but don't give up on your dreams, on your goals, on your SELF. 

be kind to yourself, and "don't quit too soon!"

xoxo

...

vulnerability part 2

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L'Engle

today, nosy nora told me that my blog is helping people. she told me that vulnerability, with maturity, means putting yourself out there, opening up, and not getting hurt the way you did as a child. 

I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.Brene Brown

to stay out of the discomfort of vulnerability, i found ways to numb myself. i ignored my feelings, and i didn't share my stories out of fear of rejection and abandonment. 

what i have learned from allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be heard, and to be known, is that the people who love me - who truly and deeply love me - will stay BECAUSE of who i am, not in spite of it. 

In the beginning, people think vulnerability will make you weak, but it does the opposite. It shows you're strong enough to care.

Victoria Pratt

i care enough to share myself with others. with the people who have earned the right to hear my story. my vulnerability is seen as courage and strength. 

being seen is really scary. like, really, REALLY, scary. being seen means letting my darkness into the light. it means being willing to tell my truths. 

Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It's the magic sauce.

Brene Brown

being willing to tell my truths means forming relationships based on trust. 

i hope that you can find a way to "lean into" your vulnerability. 

monarch butterflies are the most vulnerable creature i know. they manage to find their way from canada to mexico, following the path their ancestors took. the route somehow ingrained in their dna. landing on the same trees their predecessors landed on. and then flying all the way back to canada to lay their eggs and start the process again. the eggs are left on their own, and the caterpillar somehow knows to eat milkweed, which is poisonous to other critters. and then it just knows to spin a chrysalis and trust that as they dissolve into a goo, they will weather the storms until they re-form themselves as a completely different creature. 

if a monarch can do all that, then you can share your stories. email me your story and i will happily share it here, under your name or a pseudonym. i look forward to hearing from you. 

be kind and truthful to yourself, 

xoxo

...

fresh starts

my very favourite quote from anne of green gables is "tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." there is something comforting about the idea that you can always make a fresh start. 

nothing represents a fresh start for me more than green gables. it was a new beginning for anne. a place where dreams could come true. where mistakes could me made and second chances were given. where the love healed all wounds. 

i am thinking about fresh starts today. new beginnings. which reminds me of yesterday's post about spring and renewal. flowers coming back after a dormancy through the harsh winter. 

i am thinking about how i have taken time for myself, and today i am going back to work. 

what is a fresh start? what does it mean to start fresh? it's a clean slate. an opportunity to begin again without prejudice. tabula rasa. 

today will feel like the first day. because i am different. because i have been away. because the kids have been away. 

merriam webster defines fresh as newly made, not spoiled, clean and pure. my start today is not spoiled. it is clean, and pure, and ready for me to live to the fullest. 

i think that courage is showing up. sometimes showing up after hardship. sometimes showing up after humiliation. and sometimes, just showing up. 

a fresh start is courageous because it is showing up. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

wants, needs, and shame

"we all struggle with feelings of not being good enough, not having enough and not belonging enough. i have found that the most effective way to overcome these feelings of inadequacy is to share our experiences. of course, in this culture, telling our stories takes courage." - Brene Brown

i have been wanting to find the courage to work my way through shame by fulfilling my need to tell my stories. and i have found lately that what we want and what we need are not always compatible.  i want to be able to go back to work and function. i want to be able to give the best of myself in my job. i need to take care of myself and i need to take some more time off. 

i need to get to a point where i am in balance. where my wants and my needs don't out-weigh each other. and, where my needs don't cause me to feel shame. 

what i crave most in the world is connection. i think that is normal. i think it is what AG called "the human condition." what we all want and need is connection, acceptance, and belonging. 

and when our needs outweigh our wants, or worse, cancel out our wants, we are afraid that we will be judged, unaccepted, and that we will no longer have a sense of belonging. sometimes our wants make us feel the same way. 

"shame unravels our connection to others. in fact, i often refer to shame as the fear of disconnection - the fear of being perceived as flawed and unworthy of acceptance and belonging." - Brene Brown

when i am so busy worrying about what others will think of me and my story, i spiral into what Brene Brown called a "shame storm" where feelings of shame beget more feelings of shame. 

but what is shame? it is not the same thing as feeling embarrassed or humiliated. if my pants feel down while walking down the street, i would be embarrassed. if i farted loudly at the front of the classroom while teaching a lesson on synonyms, i would be humiliated. but in both those case, i would still feel a sense of belonging and connection. i wouldn't feel shame. Brene Brown defines shame as:

"[...] the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging." - Brene Brown

women feel shame when they can't live up to the unrealistic standards that have been set out for them. i feel shame when i can't do what i expect myself to be able to do. 

i expect myself to be able to take care of everyone around me and put myself last. i expect myself to function fully without letting my feelings interfere with what has to get done. i expect myself to put both my wants and needs last, behind everyone else's. 

my needs make me feel shame. my need to connect, my need to feel like i belong, my need to reach out to people for support, for love, for compassion, for understanding. my needs leave me in a shame storm.

shame is the belief that our stories will make us less than everyone else. but if we all feel this sense of shame, then our belonging and connection to each other comes from being willing to share our stories, to tell our truths, and to let our needs take the forefront of our lives. 


i leave you with this thought ...

"you cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviours." - Brene Brown

and that includes your own behaviours ... you cannot shame or belittle yourself into making changes in your life. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

Cocooned vs. Metamorphosis

today i read on someone's blog, "If nothing changed there'd be no butterflies"

 ... and i want to know ... what's wrong with caterpillars? 

monarch caterpillars have always been my favourite. they're plump and colourful and they have little legs that tickle when they crawl on you. they can easily curl up into a ball. and they eat milkweed which makes them poisonous to birds - their stripes protect them from being eaten. 

they spend their days crawling around the milkweed, eating. 

and eventually spin themselves into a cocoon. 

i've been a caterpillar for so long that i don't want to ever come out of my cocoon. i can't see the future and i don't know what kind of butterfly i'm going to be. 

and it scares me. 

i want to stay safe and wrapped up and protected in my cocoon forever. 

i could hide away from the world, from pain, from hurt, from sadness. 

i could blend into the colours of the trees, the only thing giving me away would be the gold "stitches" along the top of my cocoon ...

                      * * * * * * *

my dad used to let us collect monarch caterpillars at the end of august. 

we would keep them in a terrarium with lots of milkweed. and within a week or so of their captivity, they would spin their bright green cocoons. 

we would watch the chrysalis for days. gold threading along the top, and hanging from the lid of the terrarium. and then one day they would change from green to black and then to clear and then the majestic monarchs would work their way out. 

at first, their wings would be wet. so we would carefully lift them out, letting their legs cling to our fingers.  

we would set them down in the backyard. and they would open their wings to let them dry in the sun. and once the wings were dry, they would flap them and fly away. 

until next august when we would hunt through the milkweed and start the process all over again. 

and as beautiful and incredible as this process is ... the metamorphosis leaves those monarch caterpillars completely vulnerable and helpless. 

when my brother was 3, he had his very own caterpillar in a jar. holes in the lid for air, and lovely milkweed for food. the plump little creature spun a green and gold chrysalis attached to the lid. 

our babysitter's son was at our house and my brother wanted to show him his pet. so the exuberant and over-eager visitor opened the lid, looked into the jar, and slammed the lid down on the table saying "where? i don't see anything!?" 

that morphing creature wasn't the only thing that got squashed that day. my brother crumpled in on himself. i've never seen him cry so much. i've never seen him so hurt. it was as if all of his hopes and dreams were being held in that green cocoon waiting to fly away into the sun and everything got squished and killed by someone else's careless actions. 

i feel like a caterpillar in a chrysalis: not safe and snug, cocooned and protected. i feel vulnerable and unsafe and easily squishable. 

but the thing about change is that it is going to happen whether we want to or not, and whether we like it or not. 

AG said to me today, "i guess the best thing about butterflies is they don't have to choose it. it comes naturally. amazingly enough."

wise words to ponder today, as i am cocooned in my duvet wanting to stay here on the couch forever. 

xoxo

...

(images from google images https://www.google.ca/search?q=monarch+butterflies&rlz=1C1SNNT_enCA410CA411&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=2bjaUvbbBOGh2gXqtoGwBQ&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=666)