scared part 2

yesterday i wrote a post about 50 things that i was scared of. but since then i have thought of so many more things that scare me. 

51. being authentic in case it means no one likes me.
52. i can't sleep with any part of me hanging over the side of the bed (or too close to the edge of the bed) in case something grabs me. or someone. 
53. dogs.
54. gory movies.
55. my parents dying.
56. snakes.
57. people who get angry.
58. my car dying in the middle of nowhere.
59. flat tires.
60. death in general.
61. guns.
62. violence.
63. being late.
64. not sleeping. 
65. sleeping too much.
66. anxiety.
67. being pulled over by the police.
68. wild animals.
69. being reincarnated as a frog. ok, not really. that one was for nosy nora. 
70. that there is life after death and i will have to live all over again and never get to just sleep.
71. that there is no life after death and this is all we have.
72. moving.
73. debt.
74. panic attacks.
75. anger.
76. yelling.
77. ants in my house.
78. drugs.
79. driving in the dark.
80. driving in the dark in the rain.
81. driving in a snow storm.
82. war.
83. genocide.
84. tornadoes.
85. the power going off.
86. bad credit.
87. running out of money.
88. my teeth falling out. 
89. strangers.
90. getting in trouble at work. 
91. having to work forever.
92. not being able to work. 
93. tv shows and movies about violence.
94. DP leaving me.
95. ghost stories.
96. public bathrooms.
97. cancer.
98. not being able to pay the bills.
99. the dark.
100. running out of things to write about.

and that makes my top 100 things that i am afraid of. there's a few repeats from yesterday's list i think. but that's only 'cause those things are really scary. 

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

...

scared

i have noticed that many of my readers are from Russia. I wanted to say welcome and thank you for reading my blog. 

Добро пожаловать и спасибо за чтение моего блога . Я ценю, что ты , что нашли время , чтобы посетить мой сайт и читать мои мысли .

Dobro pozhalovat' i spasibo za chteniye moyego bloga 

YA tsenyu, chto ty , chto nashli vremya , chtoby posetit' moy sayt 

i chitat' moi mysli 

as halloween approaches, i thought it would write about things that scare me. the list is long. and sometimes irrational. 

here are my top 50 fears:

1. i am afraid of getting lost
2. i am afraid of not finding parking
3. i am afraid of my car breaking down - or spontaneously exploding
4. i am afraid of getting a flat tire
5. i am afraid of dark parking lots
6. i'm afraid of dark streets at night
7. i'm afraid of being raped.
8. i'm afraid of being murdered
9. i'm afraid of burning dinner when i cook
10. i'm afraid of people being mad at me
11. i'm afraid when people yell
12. i'm afraid of the news
13. i'm afraid of dogs
14. i'm afraid of being wrong
15. i'm afraid of breaking the rules
16. i'm afraid of being fat forever
17. i'm afraid of being in trouble
18. i'm afraid of insects
19. i'm afraid of mice and rats
20. i'm afraid of police
21. i'm afraid of bad guys
22. i'm afraid that if i drive with the windows open someone will reach inside and steal my bag
23. i'm afraid of my car windows being smashed in (which has happened twice so it's not irrational)
24. i'm afraid of drinking too much
25. i'm afraid of getting stuck on an elevator
26. i'm afraid of my house being broken into
27. i'm afraid of the people i love dying
28. i'm afraid of losing my friends
29. i'm afraid of being car jacked or shot
30. i'm afraid of a shooting happening at my school
31. i'm afraid of guns
32. i'm afraid of stray cats
33. i'm afraid of magic being real and i'm afraid that it's not
34. i'm afraid of men i pass walking down the street
35. i'm afraid of strangers
36. i'm afraid of my fears
37. i'm afraid of death
38. i'm afraid of living
39. i'm afraid of sleeping to much and of sleeping too little
40. i'm afraid of sharing too much
41. i'm afraid of scary movies
42. i'm afraid of shows like "criminal minds"
43. i'm afraid of my friends changing their minds about wanting to be friends with me (which has happened numerous times and isn't an irrational fear either)
44. i'm afraid of my teeth falling out
45. i'm afraid of car commercials, and credit card commercials
46. i'm afraid to take pills and i'm afraid not to
47. i'm afraid of spiders
48. i'm afraid of money - of not having enough, of owing too much
49.i'm afraid of my back being sore
50. i'm afraid of the subway. 

i am pretty much afraid of something all the time. it's exhausting. do any of you have any advice to deal with my fears?

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

fears revisited ...

“Now it's the dark's turn to be afraid.” 

― Joseph Delaney

fears.

Feelings Evoked by an Anxiety Response.

fears can take over our life and prevent us from truly living. i have written about fears before, in relation to worries and anxiety. today i want to talk about fear in relation to taking risks. 

“I’m afraid I’ll be a book that no one reads. Music that no one listens to anymore. I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater.” 

― Tablo

being afraid of not being seen, of not being remembered, of not being noticed, is very common among women that i have been speaking to. the idea that the world could continue on without us in it is scary and causes you to feel lonely and alone. 

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” 

― J.K. Rowling

but naming your fear takes away some of its power. i am afraid of losing people. it's my biggest and scariest fear. the fact is, people come in and out of your life at different times and for different reasons. when i was younger, i was afraid that there were "bad guys" hiding under the bed. and to this day, i have to sleep with my hand curled up in my blanket and no part of me can be hanging off of the bed. 

“Fear cuts deeper than swords.” ― George R.R. Martin

our fears can prevent us from taking that leap towards greatness. fear of change, fear of the unknown ... fear of discomfort. these fears can be paralyzing and prevent us from doing the things that we need to do to grow our wings. 

“Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.” ― Paulo Coelho

facing our fears is a challenge. but the rewards can be plentiful. overcoming the things that scare us set us up on the road to greatness, to self-discovery, and to growth of our wings. 

“To know a species, look at its fears. To know yourself, look at your fears. Fear in itself is not important, but fear stands there and points you in the direction of things that are important. Don't be afraid of your fears, they're not there to scare you; they're there to let you know that something is worth it.” 

― C. JoyBell

fears are there to let you know that something is worth doing, worth having, worth being. fear is there to tell you that taking a risk is necessary to reach the next step. 

“It's like the smarter you are, the more things can scare you.” ― Katherine Paterson

some fears are there to protect you. like fear of dying prevents you from jumping off a cliff. duh. i'm not talking about self-preservation. i am talking about fear of public speaking, of applying for a new job, of leaving an abusive relationship, of moving, of starting fresh, of singing, of making art, of trying something new ... fear of taking a risk, getting messy, and making a mistake. 

“...she was so afraid of everything that she made it impossible to really enjoy anything at all.” ― Lemony Snicket

intense fear can overtake you and make it difficult to enjoy life. if you are always taking the safe and easy path, it can become boring and you can become stuck. trying something new can add an enrichment to your life that you never thought possible. my newest thing is listening to podcasts about PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and learning everything that i can about this disorder so that i can start to make the changes that i need to feel better in my body. admitting that i need help to navigate my way through this journey called "life" was scary - asking for that help was terrifying! in the beginning, receiving help was uncomfortable. now it has become okay for me, and i am asking more often.

when i picture fear, i picture a turtle, who protects itself inside its shell. i don't want to poke my head out of my shell, i want to shed my shell entirely. 

eleanor roosevelt said: "do one thing every day that scares you." what will your one thing be today?


be kind to yourself,