baby steps

change is hard. 

and it doesn't happen all at once. 

i often make the mistake of trying to make a bunch of changes all at once which is setting myself up for failure ... which is inevitable ... 

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein

i need to change my thinking about changing. i need to stop trying to make all these giant shifts all at once. small steps each day is the only way to make effective changes. 

for example, tonight i added broccoli to dinner. that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it really is. broccoli and carrots. tomorrow i plan to drink a glass of water. just one. i never drink water. mostly because i have to pee all the time and i know that drinking water will make it a hundred times worse. but tomorrow my baby step will be to drink a glass of water. 

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol

i could sit around and wait for my life to change. i could get up tomorrow and eat only healthy foods, drink lots of water, work-out for an hour and a half ... i could do all that ... but i wont do it again the next day. changing yourself means being realistic and making small steps. 

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” ― Maya Angelou

my current state is not nurturing. i am not happy with my life the way it is right now. there are things that i need to make different. and i need to acknowledge that it is hard. 

“Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

we only have one life, and we only have one self. altering our lives means altering ourselves. we need to adapt ourselves to be our best selves. and this means taking baby steps towards greatness. this means pushing through, and pushing past what we think we cannot achieve. 

“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” ― Madonna

who knew i would offer advice from madonna. but it's good advice. becoming a better version of yourself is possible. it is not out of reach. but not by making giant changes all at once. 

“How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the whole day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day.” ― Anne Frank

now anne frank, that's more my style of offering wisdom. 

each night when i lay in bed, i make it a point to go over my day and consider the good and the bad. i then follow zed's example and i think about the people in my life and my wishes for them. and in the morning, i endeavor to do better.  

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

geneen roth said, you are not a problem to be solved. that is a very difficult thing to hear and believe. but making changes doesn't mean that you are broken or worthless. it simply means that you want more for yourself. that you deserve better than the life that you are living. that you deserve more. that you deserve to experience enoughness. 
(see http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2014/04/enoughness.html) 

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

remaking ourselves IS possible. it isn't easy. but nothing worthwhile is easy. altering habits isn't easy, but it can be done one day at a time. it's the belief in ourselves that needs to change.

believe in yourself and your ability to be great. believe in your ability that you are enough. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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guilt

today's post is co-written by my friend LES. i almost feel like she wrote the bulk of the post. and i think it is an important post, so i am going to publish it. 

"Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation."  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_(emotion)

guilt is something that we all feel at some point. whether warranted or not. i feel like we are always already guilty. born with guilt built in as a mechanism of reacting and interacting with our world. the trick is to know how to use guilt as a teacher. 

LES says that there are 3 types of guilt:

1. you have no part to play but feel guilty.
2. you have some part but don't own it all
3. you are to blame and own all the guilt. 

how we deal with these situations is related to our resilience. 

"Guilt and its associated causes, merits, and demerits are common themes in psychologyand psychiatry. Both in specialized and in ordinary language, guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done (or conversely, having not done something one believes one should have done). It gives rise to a feeling which does not go away easily, driven by 'conscience'.Sigmund Freud described this as the result of a struggle between the ego and the superego – parental imprinting. Freud rejected the role of God as punisher in times of illness or rewarder in time of wellness. While removing one source of guilt from patients, he described another. This was the unconscious force within the individual that contributed to illness, Freud in fact coming to consider "the obstacle of an unconscious sense of guilt...as the most powerful of all obstacles to recovery." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guilt_(emotion)

guilt as an obstacle. we get stuck in our guilt and find it hard to move forward. LES talked about full guilt and partial guilt:

with partial guilt, you can look at what is your part, but then look at how it isn't, who else was involved, how you are part of a bigger picture.
and with full guilt- you did do it - how you can learn from it and make sure you dont do it again. how you can understand why you did what you did in the moment and how this can help you release some of the shame /guilt and move forward and learn.

learning from our actions and our behaviour is the most important thing that we can do in life. 

so what? how do we deal with guilt?

1. identify what kind of guilt you are experiencing.
2. identify the purpose of the guilt in your life?
3. make amends. 
4. recognize what you did, and move on.
5. learn from your behaviours/actions

and how is guilt connected to resilience? 

resilience is our ability to bounce back from our guilt, from things that have happened to us, from things that we think are our fault, whether or not they are. 

LES has been exploring resilience, how she can relate to other people's stories and how resilience can hold strength and weakness in one definition.

so what is resilience and how is it helpful?

resilience is the ability to adapt to stress and adversity. it is the ability to get knocked down and get back up again. 

i want to talk about ferns ... yes, that's right ... ferns ... the plant. 

ferns are really cool for a number of reasons. and they are a symbol of resilience. 

ferns have been around for about 360 million years. they grow in various climates and ecosystems, from dry lands to oceans. ferns don't have seeds. they contain everything within themselves to reproduce. ferns grow in adverse conditions. and when conditions are adverse, ferns curl up to protect themselves until after the storm. 

ferns are also used as a spiritual symbol. 

"The tightly curled fronds of young ferns are deceptive and it would be impossible to guess what a full grown fern would look like at this stage of development. Human kind is the same. Our consciousness must be awakened through life experience, learning, and awareness. Like the fern, we grow and flourish if we unfurl toward light or truth. The more we unfurl, the more the tendrils of our true nature begin to show as we loosen, surrender and soften, releasing and opening as we let go of old stories and rigidly constructed belief systems which contribute to negative patterns of behavior." http://www.fernlifecenter.com/about-fern-life/why-the-fern/

LES said: 

the fern has such strength and yet equal vulnerability. It has the ability to let itself be vulnerable and be beatiful in its vulnerability. I love that they also have the strength in their core to keep them going when things get tough and that they are able to curl themselve up and weather the storm - protecting their vulneralble branchy bits… still there, still holding on, just able to keep all the bits safe with the strength of the core. its a resourceful little bugger… i love that about it. it is often overlooked becuase it isn't shiny and pretty on the outside but it holds much depth and strength and intensity…. i like that. I identify with that.

what does resilience mean to you? what images come to mind? what symbols? 

i look forward to your responses. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

spring IS coming ...

"you can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming." - Pablo Neruda

it isn't quite spring yet. there is still snow and ice on the ground. it's -13 degrees today. but it is coming. 

and under the earth, plants lie dormant. but they will grow again. 

flowers can teach us a great deal about ourselves. 

spring can be a time of renewal for ourselves, both mentally and physically (it is easier to go for a walk in the spring than it is in the winter on the slippery freezing cold streets).

under the ground right now, the flowers are waiting. and soon they will work their way through the hard earth, reaching for the warmth and light of the sun. no matter how cold and hard the winter was, they will grow and bloom. 

the same can be said for us. this has been a long and cold, harsh winter. more harsh than we have had in awhile. and the harshness and coldness have made it feel like a much longer winter than usual. 

i know that i feel like a dormant bulb under the cold hard earth. waiting for the temperature to warm up, for the sun to be stronger, for my limbs to stretch through, out of this cold dormancy and be revitalized. 

i want to be renewed. 

according to deborah day: "renewal requires opening yourself up to new ways of thinking and feeling." i want to be open to newness. to learning about myself, about others, and about the world. 

renewal ... 

merriam webster defines renewal as making something new, fresh, or strong again. to make a promise again. to begin again with more force or enthusiasm. 

notice that each definition includes the word "again" as in, returning to what you once were or once did. we were born new, fresh, strong, forceful, and enthusiastic. and we can reclaim those attributes. 

"for within your flesh, deep within the centre of your being, is the undaunted, waiting, longing, all-knowing. is the ready, able, perfect. within you, waiting its turn to emerge, piece by piece, with the dawn of every former test of trial and blackness, is the next unfolding, the great unfurling of wings, the reforged backbone of a true child of light." - jennifer delucy

we are always already strong, vibrant, magical, and enough. and now is the time to find those things inside ourselves. to push through this harsh winter and put the cold, ice, and snow ... the frozen, behind us. 

to let ourselves bloom, and start fresh in the spring. 

i have always thought that spring should be the start of the new year. because it is when everything that has been dormant comes back to life. 

including me. 

including you. 

may you find renewal and your best self, and bloom like the flowers. 


be kind to yourself, 

(this time, all the photos are mine)
xoxo

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