Beads

nosy nora suggested creating a ritual to acknowledge the weight that i have lost (33 lbs). i thought and thought and thought and couldn't think of anything. 

i wanted to include all the changes that i have made, not just weight loss. so i talked about it with radical t. she suggested that at sick kids hospital, the kids get beads for things like each time they have chemo. and that i could create a string of beads for my accomplishments and for things that i have overcome. 

so i went out and bought some beads and string and brought them with me when i went to see nosy nora. together we went through the list of changes, accomplishments, and things that i have overcome. and we created the string of beads in the photo above. 

here are some of the meanings behind the beads:

1-6. a bead for losing 33 lbs (one bead for each 5 lbs)

7. a bead for learning how not to binge

8. a bead for no longer purging

9. a bead for facing my addiction to nortriptyline

10. a bead for no longer abusing sedatives

11. a bead for writing a letter to some people who hurt me when i was younger, and talking it out with one of them

12. a bead for eating what i want

13. a bead for eating in front of other people

14. a bead for not sleeping my life away (not napping every day or going to bed at 8pm)

15. a bead for blogging about my experience

i decided that i want to have the beads with me all the time, so i turned them into a bracelet. when i have more beads to add, i can always restring the beads. 

it's amazing to see visually how much i have accomplished/overcome in the last few years. much of which was in the last year alone. there's a sense of pride, of gratification, and of satisfaction in seeing visually how i have changed. (thank you for your part in that nosy nora)

what will you do to recognize your accomplishments? how will you toot your own horn? 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

brene brown

last night, radical t and i were talking about connection and its importance in our lives. radical t reminded me that brene brown states that we, as humans, are hard wired for connection. i then went to bed and read some brene brown. i wanted to share some of her gems of wisdom ... 

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ..............  “Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”  
― Brené Brown


connecting with others makes us feel seen, heard, and valued. it gives us a sense of belonging and a reason to be here on this planet. 

“Living a connected life ultimately is about setting boundaries, spending less time and energy hustling and winning over people who don’t matter, and seeing the value of working on cultivating connection with family and close friends.” 
― Brené Brown

connecting doesn't happen with everyone. i can't be authentic with my students all the time. i'm not authentic with the grocery store clerk. i make my connections with the people in life who matter. finding the right people to make connections with means figuring out who makes you feel heard and valued.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” 
― Brené Brown

suffering is what happens when there is a lack of connection. not connecting with people leaves you feeling lost, undervalued, unheard, and not belonging. loneliness leads to numbing through things like addictions, eating disorders, anxiety, depression ... 

“There’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen.” 
― Brené Brown

letting yourself be seen is the scariest and bravest choice that you can make. it means living an authentic life. telling your story to those who deserve to hear it. 

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” 
― Brené Brown

i used to be an expert on numbing emotions. i found many non-unique ways to rid myself of painful emotions which led to the ridding of positive emotions. you can't feel joy if you don't allow yourself to feel grief. 

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” 
― Brené Brown

being courageous and being seen is the opposite of numbing emotions. showing yourself to the people who you can make real connections with is a way to feel like you belong. courage and authenticity go hand in hand. 

“If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken. In this way, we need to cultivate our story to let go of shame, and we need to develop shame resilience in order to cultivate our story.” 
― Brené Brown

i have chosen this blog as a way to tell my story. by sharing my story with the world, although anonymously, my shame loses its power. and by sharing even more details about my story with people who have earned the right to hear it, shame disappears. 

“the culture of shame is driven by fear, blame and disconnection and it's often a powerful incubator for issues like perfectionism, stereotyping, gossip and addiction” 
― Brené Brown

disconnection happens when shame is allowed to fester and run your life. disconnection is the opposite of feeling seen, heard, and valued. 

“In our technology-crazed world, we’ve confused being communicative with feeling connected. Just because we’re plugged in, doesn’t mean we feel seen and heard. In fact, hyper-communication can mean we spend more time on Facebook than we do face-to-face with the people we care about.” 
― Brené Brown

i spend way too much time on the computer. communicating through social media, blogging, and texting, and until i really thought about it, i thought that it was connecting. but it's important to get off the techno, and come face to face with the people that matter in our lives. 

try it. 

be kind to yourself, 
and most importantly ...

“Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.” 
― Brené Brown

xoxo

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