motivation

“For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it.” 

― Allie Brosh

motivation is something that is plaguing me these days. well, actually, what is plaguing me is my complete lack of motivation. it's my complete inability to DO anything. 

“Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don't want to do. And if I lose, I'm one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I'm going to win or lose until the last second.” 

― Allie Brosh,

i don't know what the mental block is, but i have this list of really important things that need to be done and i can't make myself do any of them. i am well aware of the consequences of NOT doing what needs to be done ... and yet i sit here, blogging, instead of doing it. 

it's annoying. 

nosy nora says it's not annoying enough. she says that when it becomes truly annoying, i will start doing what needs to be done. 

“Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They help me do the right thing. And I am terrified of what I would be without them. Because I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life. I'm still hoping that perhaps someday I'll learn how to use willpower like a real person, but until that very unlikely day, I will confidently battle toward adequacy, wielding my crude skill set of fear and shame.” 

― Allie Brosh

if i were truly in charge of my life, i would do nothing at all. i would spend the days in my pajamas, curled up in bed, reading, and writing, and eating chocolate. but if i were truly in charge of my life, i probably wouldn't want to do those things. 

“Fortunately, it turns out that being scared of yourself is a somewhat effective motivational technique.” 

― Allie Brosh

being scared of my own judgement can sometimes make me do one or two of the things on my list. i judge myself a whole lot harsher than i even think other people judge me. unfortunately, this fear doesn't get me to do the really big things. it simply gets me to do things like unload the dishwasher so that the sink isn't full of dishes ... and who am i kidding? SC does that most of the time too. 

“Тo me, the future doesn’t seem real. It’s just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don’t have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour.” ― Allie Brosh

i most certainly feel like the future is never going to come. that i can put things off forever and the inevitable will never happen. this makes my motivation non-existent. if tomorrow never arrives, then i never actually have to DO anything that i don't want to do. i don't have to have any responsibilities. i don't have to follow through on my commitments. i can simply stay in my pajamas, nap all afternoon, and do a whole lot of nothing. 

and no, this hasn't been working out well for me for the last 37 years. but i feel stuck. 

what do you do to motivate yourself?



be kind to yourself,

xoxo

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