i was never the kind of person who reached out for support. i was the kind of person who tucked away my troubles and pretended to the world that everything was fine.
i was too busy taking care of everyone else and didn't have the time or energy to take care of myself. so i let my health go. i let my body go. i pushed all my emotions down inside of me and buried them tightly in the bottom of my heart, so that my heart became filled with hairline fractures. which are harder to mend than a deep single crack.
but over the past few years i have been seeking support and finding true friendships. and discovered that, as nosy nora says, we all need each other.
“A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken. Fortunately, something else happens to you and me. Pick up your pieces. Then, help me gather mine.”
― Vera Nazarian
being able to reach out for support hasn't been easy for me. it made (makes) me feel weak, and needy, and clingy. it makes me feel like i am not strong enough to face up to the world. but i am discovering that people are there to pick up your pieces and help put you back together. no one is humpty dumpty. it doesn't take all the king's horses or all the king's men to mend a broken heart, or to support a friend. (on a side note, do you realize that there is nothing in the humpty dumpty poem that says he is an egg? where did that image come from? i looked it up and wikipedia has several theories but nothing proven. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty) picking up the pieces isn't something that you need to do on your own. the world is full of supportive people who are there to help with the shards of your life.
“Support and encouragement are found in the most unlikely places.”
― Raquel Cepeda
what i have discovered through this process is that support can come from places you never expected. an online support group, for example, has been a place for me to share my stories with people who understand. and these strangers offer me strength and guidance in ways i never thought possible.
my emotional growth through this experience of writing a blog has been tantamount to a miracle. in a million years i never would have thought that his little blog would reach 25,000 page views. that strangers would email me to thank me for my writing. that friends would read my posts and tell me that they connect to my stories. being able to write about my life, my struggles, my heart ache, my successes, my happiness, my sadness, my weaknesses and my strengths ... being able to write about my life gives me strength. it makes me stronger to know that i am putting myself out there. even if it is anonymously published for my own protection - i'm not impervious to pain or embarrassment you know.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”
― C.S. Lewis
i have also discovered that people have way more in common with each other than we first believe. we live with such shame and secrecy and privacy and the inability to share our stories. and it turns out that there are people in my life who have been on similar paths. and we can connect with each other and support each other in ways that no one else can.
“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
i learned through this process of wanting to take care of myself, that you have to ask for help. and when you do, you actually get it.
what what?
no, really. when you ask someone to help you, they actually do. when you reach out for support you actually get support. ok, not from everyone. some people are selfish assholes and you can't change that. they aren't worth your emotional energy. but most people? most people will give you the support that you need.
“There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
there are some stories that no one else can understand unless they have lived that truth. and those are the people whose support can surprise you. unless you share your stories, you'll never know that there are people out there who can relate ... who can commiserate ... who truly understand. knocking out a mountain troll doesn't have to be the only way that you make friendships. but sharing your truth is one way to be sure that those friendships are genuine and are built on truth and understanding.
i am so very lucky to have a fabulous partner who loves me, adores me, and supports me. i am appreciative and grateful for the people in my life who offer me friendship and support. i am fortunate to have a fantastic therapist with whom i can share my stories and my emotional tornadoes. i would list the people that i have gratitude for ... but i know that i would forget someone. so if you are someone that i have turned to for emotional support, or for a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, or advice, or just a helping hand ... i thank you for being there. you know who you are.
and in closing ...
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
― Linda Grayson
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Saturday, 31 January 2015
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
surviving SAD
SAD. seasonal affective disorder.
it starts in the fall. right about now. so many people i know are struggling with depression right now. and the weather isn't helping. depression sucks the energy right out of you. all you want to do is cocoon, cry, sleep, and then sleep some more. and as one friend says, "it's like wearing shit coloured glasses all the time." "it's like quicksand and you don't know when you're sliding into it. and once you're in it, it feels impossible to get out of."
so what are some things that you can do besides medication and psychotherapy?
get outside every day when there is daylight. go for a walk or sit in a park. yes, it's cold. bundle up and get out there anyway. force yourself. the exercise will help with the stress and anxiety that actually makes depression and SAD worse.
when you're inside, keep your blinds open and sit near the window.
find an activity that you enjoy and take part in it throughout the winter season. skiing, skating, hiking, or if you're like me and don't enjoy the outdoors in the winter, take a class, join a team, go to yoga (that's my plan this winter), take up a craft.
take vitamin D ... as directed!
if you can afford it, invest in light therapy. you can buy the lights online and sit under them to simulate the sun.
try st. john's wort and vitamin B. also take as directed. and check with your dr or pharmacist if you are taking other medications.
most of all, don't keep it to yourself. there is such a stigma around mental health that we are often afraid to tell others. we try to take care of it ourselves. but as nosy nora always tells me, we are all in this life thing together. everyone needs someone. talk to your friends and family about how you are feeling and ask for help if you need it. we are here to support each other.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
it starts in the fall. right about now. so many people i know are struggling with depression right now. and the weather isn't helping. depression sucks the energy right out of you. all you want to do is cocoon, cry, sleep, and then sleep some more. and as one friend says, "it's like wearing shit coloured glasses all the time." "it's like quicksand and you don't know when you're sliding into it. and once you're in it, it feels impossible to get out of."
so what are some things that you can do besides medication and psychotherapy?
get outside every day when there is daylight. go for a walk or sit in a park. yes, it's cold. bundle up and get out there anyway. force yourself. the exercise will help with the stress and anxiety that actually makes depression and SAD worse.
when you're inside, keep your blinds open and sit near the window.
find an activity that you enjoy and take part in it throughout the winter season. skiing, skating, hiking, or if you're like me and don't enjoy the outdoors in the winter, take a class, join a team, go to yoga (that's my plan this winter), take up a craft.
take vitamin D ... as directed!
if you can afford it, invest in light therapy. you can buy the lights online and sit under them to simulate the sun.
try st. john's wort and vitamin B. also take as directed. and check with your dr or pharmacist if you are taking other medications.
most of all, don't keep it to yourself. there is such a stigma around mental health that we are often afraid to tell others. we try to take care of it ourselves. but as nosy nora always tells me, we are all in this life thing together. everyone needs someone. talk to your friends and family about how you are feeling and ask for help if you need it. we are here to support each other.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Friday, 25 July 2014
what to say to someone struggling with depression
have you seen that commercial where the voice over says "where does depression hurt? everywhere." well this is true.
and today, after being told that i need to "do something about" my depression, as if i haven't spent the last 7 months healing and struggling to stay afloat ... i decided to write a blog post about what to say to someone suffering with depression. because telling someone to suck it up, to get over it, to figure it out, or to do something about it ... well those aren't helpful. at all. just saying.
here are 15 things you can say to someone suffering with depression:
1. someone with depression is looking for understanding, empathy, and the feeling of being heard. so say something that acknowledges that it sucks.
2. let the person know that you are there for them if they need you.
3. offer to go for a walk, to talk, or to go for coffee with the person.
4. ask if there is anything you can do.
5. let the person know that they are not alone.
6. let the person know that they matter. that they are important to you.
7. offer a hug.
8. acknowledge that the feelings are real and that person is not crazy.
9. remind the person that there will be an end. that they wont always feel this way. and that you will be there through it.
10. let them know that they will survive this.
11. acknowledge that you don't know what they are feeling, but that you will try to understand.
12. recognize that isolation is a symptom of depression. don't be put off by being put off.
13. be a good listener. don't offer advice if it isn't asked for.
14. instead of trying to convince the person that their feelings are irrational, try saying "i'm sorry you feel that way."
15. ask if the person has sought professional help. offer to help them find professional help - to go with them to the doctor, to a therapist, or to the hospital if necessary.
be honest with yourself about your own feelings and talk to someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed by a friend or loved one's depression.
depression is an illness. and it isn't fun. and it isn't something that anyone wishes upon themselves or brings upon themselves. it isn't something that you can just suck up and carry on, or easily fix. and it is something that will come and go throughout life.
so the next time you find yourself wanting to tell someone to suck it up or get over it ... the next time you find yourself wanting to say, "i know how you feel, i was really sad when my dog died." ... look at this list and find something helpful to say instead.
be kind to yourself, and each other,
xoxo
...
and today, after being told that i need to "do something about" my depression, as if i haven't spent the last 7 months healing and struggling to stay afloat ... i decided to write a blog post about what to say to someone suffering with depression. because telling someone to suck it up, to get over it, to figure it out, or to do something about it ... well those aren't helpful. at all. just saying.
Understanding depression in a friend or family member:
- Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.
- The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most. In addition, depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.
- Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
- You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his or her happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm
here are 15 things you can say to someone suffering with depression:
1. someone with depression is looking for understanding, empathy, and the feeling of being heard. so say something that acknowledges that it sucks.
2. let the person know that you are there for them if they need you.
3. offer to go for a walk, to talk, or to go for coffee with the person.
4. ask if there is anything you can do.
5. let the person know that they are not alone.
6. let the person know that they matter. that they are important to you.
7. offer a hug.
8. acknowledge that the feelings are real and that person is not crazy.
9. remind the person that there will be an end. that they wont always feel this way. and that you will be there through it.
10. let them know that they will survive this.
11. acknowledge that you don't know what they are feeling, but that you will try to understand.
12. recognize that isolation is a symptom of depression. don't be put off by being put off.
13. be a good listener. don't offer advice if it isn't asked for.
14. instead of trying to convince the person that their feelings are irrational, try saying "i'm sorry you feel that way."
15. ask if the person has sought professional help. offer to help them find professional help - to go with them to the doctor, to a therapist, or to the hospital if necessary.
be honest with yourself about your own feelings and talk to someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed by a friend or loved one's depression.
depression is an illness. and it isn't fun. and it isn't something that anyone wishes upon themselves or brings upon themselves. it isn't something that you can just suck up and carry on, or easily fix. and it is something that will come and go throughout life.
so the next time you find yourself wanting to tell someone to suck it up or get over it ... the next time you find yourself wanting to say, "i know how you feel, i was really sad when my dog died." ... look at this list and find something helpful to say instead.
be kind to yourself, and each other,
xoxo
...
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
death
death.
no one wants to talk about it. but the fact is, it's a part of our life.
this post might be hard for some people to read. because it is sad.
so i am giving you fair warning that it might bring up past experiences for you and you might want to stop reading now. i won't be offended or sad if you decide not to read this post. if you stop reading now, be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
― Mitch Albom
my friend asked me to blog about how to deal with death. frankly, i don't know. i have faced the deaths of dear friends, of students, of my grandmother, of aunts and uncles. and i will continue to experience death and loss because i love so deeply.
for awhile, i thought it would be easier not to love at all. if you don't love, you don't feel, and you don't lose.
“I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"
"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
― J.K. Rowling
but life is about loving. and i have a huge heart.
so what to write about ...
“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”
― Lemony Snicket
... loss. i experienced a loss today. someone that i care about very much emailed to say that they were going away and wouldn't be in my life anymore. although this was a healthcare practitioner, we have built a relationship over the last 3 years of seeing her weekly. she knows intimate details of my life. and i will miss her deeply.
... loss ... how do you talk to someone who is experiencing loss? is there a right way and a wrong way?
“If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?”
― Jodi Picoult
first of all, don't say "it will be alright" because it wont. don't say "it was meant to be" because that\s just shitty. don't say "s/he's in a better place" because a better place would be here with their loved ones.
second, listen. no one experiencing loss needs advice. they need an ear, a shoulder, a friend. just listen. just be there. distract if they ask for distraction. make them laugh if they want to laugh. and let them cry if they want to cry. listen with compassion and an open mind.
“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”
― Haruki Murakami
third, be willing to show empathy and to face the darkness that surrounds the loss. don't be afraid of that darkness. we all have faced it, or will. the darkness will not overcome you. don't be afraid of the grief the other person is experiencing. it won't hurt you. it may touch you, and it may be hard. so self-care is important. as nosy nora once told me, listen but don't hold onto it.
here are some tips from the american cancer society:
most of all, be there. loss and death are dark and scary and most of us don't know how to deal with it ourselves let alone with other people. but be there. because your friends and loved ones need you. and one day, they will remember what you did for them and will be there for you too.
“there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
a space
and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest times
times
we will know it
we will know it
more than
ever
there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
and
we will wait
and
wait
in that space.”
― Charles Bukowski
be kind to yourself, and each other,
xoxo
...
no one wants to talk about it. but the fact is, it's a part of our life.
this post might be hard for some people to read. because it is sad.
so i am giving you fair warning that it might bring up past experiences for you and you might want to stop reading now. i won't be offended or sad if you decide not to read this post. if you stop reading now, be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
― Mitch Albom
my friend asked me to blog about how to deal with death. frankly, i don't know. i have faced the deaths of dear friends, of students, of my grandmother, of aunts and uncles. and i will continue to experience death and loss because i love so deeply.
for awhile, i thought it would be easier not to love at all. if you don't love, you don't feel, and you don't lose.
“I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"
"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
― J.K. Rowling
but life is about loving. and i have a huge heart.
so what to write about ...
“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”
― Lemony Snicket
... loss. i experienced a loss today. someone that i care about very much emailed to say that they were going away and wouldn't be in my life anymore. although this was a healthcare practitioner, we have built a relationship over the last 3 years of seeing her weekly. she knows intimate details of my life. and i will miss her deeply.
... loss ... how do you talk to someone who is experiencing loss? is there a right way and a wrong way?
“If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?”
― Jodi Picoult
first of all, don't say "it will be alright" because it wont. don't say "it was meant to be" because that\s just shitty. don't say "s/he's in a better place" because a better place would be here with their loved ones.
Comments to avoid when comforting the bereaved
- "I know how you feel." One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.
- "It's part of God's plan." This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, "What plan? Nobody told me about any plan."
- "Look at what you have to be thankful for." They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.
- "He's in a better place now." The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.
- "This is behind you now; it's time to get on with your life." Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means "forgetting" his or her loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.
- Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will." These statements are too directive. Instead you could begin your comments with: "Have you thought about. . ." or "You might. . ."
Source: American Hospice Foundation
second, listen. no one experiencing loss needs advice. they need an ear, a shoulder, a friend. just listen. just be there. distract if they ask for distraction. make them laugh if they want to laugh. and let them cry if they want to cry. listen with compassion and an open mind.
“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”
― Haruki Murakami
third, be willing to show empathy and to face the darkness that surrounds the loss. don't be afraid of that darkness. we all have faced it, or will. the darkness will not overcome you. don't be afraid of the grief the other person is experiencing. it won't hurt you. it may touch you, and it may be hard. so self-care is important. as nosy nora once told me, listen but don't hold onto it.
here are some tips from the american cancer society:
What to say to someone who has lost a loved one
It is common to feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Many people do not know what to say or do. The following are suggestions to use as a guide.
- Acknowledge the situation. Example: "I heard that your_____ died." Use the word "died" That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.
- Express your concern. Example: "I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you."
- Be genuine in your communication and don't hide your feelings. Example: "I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."
- Offer your support. Example: "Tell me what I can do for you."
- Ask how he or she feels, and don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.
Source: American Cancer Society
most of all, be there. loss and death are dark and scary and most of us don't know how to deal with it ourselves let alone with other people. but be there. because your friends and loved ones need you. and one day, they will remember what you did for them and will be there for you too.
“there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
a space
and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest times
times
we will know it
we will know it
more than
ever
there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
and
we will wait
and
wait
in that space.”
― Charles Bukowski
be kind to yourself, and each other,
xoxo
...
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
catching air in my hands ...
i had the most fantastic day.
i laughed so much my abs hurt.
and then i came home and felt happy, and joyful, and i was trying not to get my hopes up and yet i was convinced that a switch had been "flicked" and that the new meds were working and that i was feeling better and that i was going to get to go back to work early! i started thinking about all the things that i was going to do back at work. the people that i miss. and i was excited.
i was smiling and snuggling and feeling like i was on top of the world. i rolled over to go to sleep and listened to the gentle breathing of the love of my life beside me. and then it was like i was trying to hold onto air in my hands as the joy and happiness slipped through my fingers.
and i started to cry.
no reason. nothing that i can identify anyway. no trigger.
just the slowly fading feeling of happiness that had filled me trickled out of me and was replaced with the empty feeling that has haunted me for so long.
i wanted to be able to hold onto that happiness. i wanted that joyful laughter that filled my afternoon and evening to fill up all the empty places inside of me.
instead, i feel hollow and sad. and inconsequential.
so i decided to reach out to my blog readers tonight. how do you hold onto happiness? how to do you keep the joy inside of you? please leave your comment at the end of this post, or contact me by email using the contact form on the right side of this page. let me know if i can share your ideas with my readers.
xoxo
...
i laughed so much my abs hurt.
and then i came home and felt happy, and joyful, and i was trying not to get my hopes up and yet i was convinced that a switch had been "flicked" and that the new meds were working and that i was feeling better and that i was going to get to go back to work early! i started thinking about all the things that i was going to do back at work. the people that i miss. and i was excited.
i was smiling and snuggling and feeling like i was on top of the world. i rolled over to go to sleep and listened to the gentle breathing of the love of my life beside me. and then it was like i was trying to hold onto air in my hands as the joy and happiness slipped through my fingers.
and i started to cry.
no reason. nothing that i can identify anyway. no trigger.
just the slowly fading feeling of happiness that had filled me trickled out of me and was replaced with the empty feeling that has haunted me for so long.
i wanted to be able to hold onto that happiness. i wanted that joyful laughter that filled my afternoon and evening to fill up all the empty places inside of me.
instead, i feel hollow and sad. and inconsequential.
so i decided to reach out to my blog readers tonight. how do you hold onto happiness? how to do you keep the joy inside of you? please leave your comment at the end of this post, or contact me by email using the contact form on the right side of this page. let me know if i can share your ideas with my readers.
xoxo
...
Wednesday, 5 February 2014
the i-hate-this-fracking-cold-and-snow winter blues
the winter blues ... the blahs ... the post-holiday disappointment ... SAD ... depression ... whatever you want to call it, this seemingly endless canadian winter just plan sucks.
today, as the snow continues to pile up outside my window, and i am home from work yet again under my blue blanket, i am thinking about how the long, cold, dark days affect us. okay, so the idea actually came from Zed. but i liked the idea.
whether we suffer from depression, or SAD, or we are just sick and tired of the cold and the dark, winter gets old rather quickly. having to put on so many layers, and boots, and then having to shovel the snow just to get to the car. then you have to clean off the car and possibly shovel your way out of your parking spot. only to get to where you have to be and trudge through the snow to get inside ... and then do it all in reverse to go home again. waking up in the dark to go to work. getting home from work in the dark. how can that NOT feel depressing!?!?!?!???
my solution has been to curl up on the couch by my fireplace, to do a whole lot of reading, and sleeping. it's like i am hibernating and just waiting for winter to be over. i am also enjoying a lot of tea, and today i have added chocolate chip cookies.
however, my solution will not actually HELP you to overcome or get through this long cold winter. here are some actual ideas:
1. find a tea you love and drink it to cheer yourself up. experiment with different types of tea. i am not a fan of herbal teas, but there are endless varieties and you might find one you absolutely LOVE. there is also an endless supply of black teas and white teas and green teas. i am a fan of david's tea, and they are good about letting you try samples.
2. make yourself get some exercise. even if you think you are going to hate it. even if you think it's only going to make things worse. you don't have to join a gym. you don't have to take up bob-sledding, or cross country skiing. you don't even have to go skating. you could simply go for a walk. make it a good walk. start by walking to the store for something that you need. then maybe walk to a coffee shop. perhaps your cocooning on the couch reading could be turned into reading in a coffee shop.
3. vitamin D, vitamin D, vitamin D!!!!!!! i can't say it enough. VITAMIN DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! the sun is such an important part of balancing our emotions. so if there is sun, then get outside and soak it in. and since there isn't much sun right now, go and buy a bottle of vitamin D and take it. seriously. it is important. and while you're at it, eat some citrus fruit and maybe take some vitamin C.
4. there is no reason not to have a dinner party, just because the holidays are over. invite people you like, family or friends, and make your own special occasion. it could be something complicated like a full on turkey dinner, or it could be hot dogs. who cares? it's not about the food, or the decorations, or even the occasion. it is about asking for love, support, and compassion from people who care about you and who make you feel good. for some of us, that IS family. for others, it is absolutely NOT family. create your own special event. maybe you play board games, or drink wine, or just sit and chat. either way, there's no real reason to hibernate for the winter. despite our best efforts, we are not actually bears.
5. there are people smarter than me who have their own lists and i have included them in links at the end of this post.
6. if you feel like your winter blahs are bigger than you. if you feel like you are alone. don't be alone. talk to someone about these feelings. because it is okay to need help. and a quick visit to your doctor to talk about it, might reveal that you need more than a kitchen dance party, or some vitamin D.
xoxo
...
Here is some information on Seasonal Affective Disorder:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/category/disorders/seasonal-affective-disorder
http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/mood-disorders/seasonal-affective-disorder/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047
http://www.mooddisorders.ca/faq/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad
http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/about_camh/newsroom/news_releases_media_advisories_and_backgrounders/current_year/Pages/Seasonal-depression,-winter-blues-and-seasonal-affective-disorder--CAMH-expert-available-for-interview-.aspx
Here are some articles for ways to break the monotony of the blahs:
http://thedevalife.com/beat-the-winter-blahs/\
http://www.canadianliving.com/health/mind_and_spirit/7_creative_ways_to_shake_off_the_winter_blues.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Fight-Winter-Blues
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/beating-winters-woes
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=341
http://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/10-ways-to-beat-the-winter-blues-2.html
today, as the snow continues to pile up outside my window, and i am home from work yet again under my blue blanket, i am thinking about how the long, cold, dark days affect us. okay, so the idea actually came from Zed. but i liked the idea.
whether we suffer from depression, or SAD, or we are just sick and tired of the cold and the dark, winter gets old rather quickly. having to put on so many layers, and boots, and then having to shovel the snow just to get to the car. then you have to clean off the car and possibly shovel your way out of your parking spot. only to get to where you have to be and trudge through the snow to get inside ... and then do it all in reverse to go home again. waking up in the dark to go to work. getting home from work in the dark. how can that NOT feel depressing!?!?!?!???
my solution has been to curl up on the couch by my fireplace, to do a whole lot of reading, and sleeping. it's like i am hibernating and just waiting for winter to be over. i am also enjoying a lot of tea, and today i have added chocolate chip cookies.
however, my solution will not actually HELP you to overcome or get through this long cold winter. here are some actual ideas:
1. find a tea you love and drink it to cheer yourself up. experiment with different types of tea. i am not a fan of herbal teas, but there are endless varieties and you might find one you absolutely LOVE. there is also an endless supply of black teas and white teas and green teas. i am a fan of david's tea, and they are good about letting you try samples.
2. make yourself get some exercise. even if you think you are going to hate it. even if you think it's only going to make things worse. you don't have to join a gym. you don't have to take up bob-sledding, or cross country skiing. you don't even have to go skating. you could simply go for a walk. make it a good walk. start by walking to the store for something that you need. then maybe walk to a coffee shop. perhaps your cocooning on the couch reading could be turned into reading in a coffee shop.
3. vitamin D, vitamin D, vitamin D!!!!!!! i can't say it enough. VITAMIN DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! the sun is such an important part of balancing our emotions. so if there is sun, then get outside and soak it in. and since there isn't much sun right now, go and buy a bottle of vitamin D and take it. seriously. it is important. and while you're at it, eat some citrus fruit and maybe take some vitamin C.
4. there is no reason not to have a dinner party, just because the holidays are over. invite people you like, family or friends, and make your own special occasion. it could be something complicated like a full on turkey dinner, or it could be hot dogs. who cares? it's not about the food, or the decorations, or even the occasion. it is about asking for love, support, and compassion from people who care about you and who make you feel good. for some of us, that IS family. for others, it is absolutely NOT family. create your own special event. maybe you play board games, or drink wine, or just sit and chat. either way, there's no real reason to hibernate for the winter. despite our best efforts, we are not actually bears.
5. there are people smarter than me who have their own lists and i have included them in links at the end of this post.
6. if you feel like your winter blahs are bigger than you. if you feel like you are alone. don't be alone. talk to someone about these feelings. because it is okay to need help. and a quick visit to your doctor to talk about it, might reveal that you need more than a kitchen dance party, or some vitamin D.
xoxo
...
Here is some information on Seasonal Affective Disorder:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/category/disorders/seasonal-affective-disorder
http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/mood-disorders/seasonal-affective-disorder/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047
http://www.mooddisorders.ca/faq/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad
http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/about_camh/newsroom/news_releases_media_advisories_and_backgrounders/current_year/Pages/Seasonal-depression,-winter-blues-and-seasonal-affective-disorder--CAMH-expert-available-for-interview-.aspx
Here are some articles for ways to break the monotony of the blahs:
http://thedevalife.com/beat-the-winter-blahs/\
http://www.canadianliving.com/health/mind_and_spirit/7_creative_ways_to_shake_off_the_winter_blues.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Fight-Winter-Blues
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/beating-winters-woes
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=341
http://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/10-ways-to-beat-the-winter-blues-2.html
Thursday, 23 January 2014
the number yellow ...
sometimes trying to explain what is happening to me these days is like trying to spell the number yellow.
there isn't really a why.
there is a just an is.
there isn't really a why.
there is a just an is.
why don't i want to go to work? why don't i want to do anything when i am at work? why don't i enjoy singing anymore? why don't i want to get out from under my blanket cocoon? why don't i want to get off the couch? or leave the house?
there is no one answer for anything of these things.
nothing "happened" to set this in motion. nothing changed.
except me. and my willingness to be vulnerable and to "lean into" the darkness.
i was reading some poetry that i wrote when i was a teenager. in my memory, it was angst. but reading it now, all i can say is ... HOLY CRAP I WAS SAD !!! i was so, so, so sad. my poems are dark, and lonely, and sad, and longing for something. longing to be heard, to feel loved, to feel understood.
looking back, i can see that i have suffered from depression my entire life. it just wasn't identified as depression. and i found ways to self-medicate and to repress my feelings, and to stuff them down with food.
there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and not just because butterflies don't get to choose to morph from their caterpillar state and leave their cocoon ... there is a light at the end of the tunnel because i am not going through this alone. i am getting the help and the support that i need.
finally.
i am finally DEALING with the things that i have never dealt with. dealing with the things that i just ignored.
and it's challenging.
and i am doing it anyway.
but it will take patience. from myself and from the people around me. people who have gotten used to me picking up my pieces and just dealing.
right now, i am still trying to find all my pieces. and some of them are lost. and i will find them. and it is going to take time.
oh, and one more thing that brings the light ...
there is a way to spell the number yellow.
it actually CAN be done.
the number yellow is actually spelled F-I-V-E. i learned my numbers as colours and still think in colours when i add and subtract.
i guess that means that even the most complicated situation has an explanation, even if it is tricky to understand. and even if it only makes sense in my own head.
to me,
5 + 5 = orange.
and
brown - red = 6.
maybe things aren't nearly as complicated as they first appear. maybe i need to be patient with myself, and listen ...
xoxo
...
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