friendship and support

i was never the kind of person who reached out for support. i was the kind of person who tucked away my troubles and pretended to the world that everything was fine. 

i was too busy taking care of everyone else and didn't have the time or energy to take care of myself. so i let my health go. i let my body go. i pushed all my emotions down inside of me and buried them tightly in the bottom of my heart, so that my heart became filled with hairline fractures. which are harder to mend than a deep single crack. 

but over the past few years i have been seeking support and finding true friendships. and discovered that, as nosy nora says, we all need each other. 

“A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken. Fortunately, something else happens to you and me. Pick up your pieces. Then, help me gather mine.” 
― Vera Nazarian

being able to reach out for support hasn't been easy for me. it made (makes) me feel weak, and needy, and clingy. it makes me feel like i am not strong enough to face up to the world. but i am discovering that people are there to pick up your pieces and help put you back together. no one is humpty dumpty. it doesn't take all the king's horses or all the king's men to mend a broken heart, or to support a friend. (on a side note, do you realize that there is nothing in the humpty dumpty poem that says he is an egg? where did that image come from? i looked it up and wikipedia has several theories but nothing proven. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty) picking up the pieces isn't something that you need to do on your own. the world is full of supportive people who are there to help with the shards of your life. 

“Support and encouragement are found in the most unlikely places.” 
― Raquel Cepeda

what i have discovered through this process is that support can come from places you never expected. an online support group, for example, has been a place for me to share my stories with people who understand. and these strangers offer me strength and guidance in ways i never thought possible. 

my emotional growth through this experience of writing a blog has been tantamount to a miracle. in a million years i never would have thought that his little blog would reach 25,000 page views. that strangers would email me to thank me for my writing. that friends would read my posts and tell me that they connect to my stories. being able to write about my life, my struggles, my heart ache, my successes, my happiness, my sadness, my weaknesses and my strengths ... being able to write about my life gives me strength. it makes me stronger to know that i am putting myself out there. even if it is anonymously published for my own protection - i'm not impervious to pain or embarrassment you know. 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” 
― C.S. Lewis

i have also discovered that people have way more in common with each other than we first believe. we live with such shame and secrecy and privacy and the inability to share our stories. and it turns out that there are people in my life who have been on similar paths. and we can connect with each other and support each other in ways that no one else can. 

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” 
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

i learned through this process of wanting to take care of myself, that you have to ask for help. and when you do, you actually get it. 

what what? 

no, really. when you ask someone to help you, they actually do. when you reach out for support you actually get support. ok, not from everyone. some people are selfish assholes and you can't change that. they aren't worth your emotional energy. but most people? most people will give you the support that you need. 

“There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone


there are some stories that no one else can understand unless they have lived that truth. and those are the people whose support can surprise you. unless you share your stories, you'll never know that there are people out there who can relate ... who can commiserate ... who truly understand. knocking out a mountain troll doesn't have to be the only way that you make friendships. but sharing your truth is one way to be sure that those friendships are genuine and are built on truth and understanding. 

i am so very lucky to have a fabulous partner who loves me, adores me, and supports me. i am appreciative and grateful for the people in my life who offer me friendship and support.  i am fortunate to have a fantastic therapist with whom i can share my stories and my emotional tornadoes. i would list the people that i have gratitude for ... but i know that i would forget someone. so if you are someone that i have turned to for emotional support, or for a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, or advice, or just a helping hand ... i thank you for being there. you know who you are. 

and in closing ...

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” 
― Linda Grayson

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo
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gratitude

i have been thinking a lot about gratitude and what it means. 

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” 
― Marcel Proust

these last 6 months have been the most difficult of my life and i was able to navigate my way through the darkness because of the support that i received. without that support, i would still be flailing in the darkness. 

and i am grateful. 

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass... get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” 
― Steve Maraboli

life certainly knocked me on my ass. but just getting up and dealing with my problems wasn't that easy. i needed time to cocoon in a blanket on my couch, to work through the darkness, to become stronger and healthier. and i wasn't able to do it on my own. 

so what does it mean to be grateful?

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” 
― A.A. Milne

being grateful means acknowledging the people who have done something for you, who have given you something, who have supported you. 

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” 
― Maya Angelou

gratitude is being thankful for the gifts that are offered to you, regardless of what those gifts are and what form they come in. being thankful for a hug. being thankful for a smile. 

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.” 
― John F. Kennedy

i make a point of thanking people when it is warranted. being thanked feels good. and doing the thanking feels good too. feels genuine. 

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” 
― Cicero

think about the people who have made a difference in your life. can you find them and thank them? think about the people who make a difference every day. what can you do to express your gratitude? sometimes it means paying it forward. sometimes it means literally saying "thank you." 

it is such a small act with such a huge impact. 

yesterday, i was thanked by a parent for helping their daughter and was told that the biggest thing i did for their daughter was pay attention to her instead of ignoring her and letting her fall through the cracks. it was a little thing for that parent to tell me that, but it made me feel good. 

how can you make someone feel good? leave your ideas in the comments field, or send me an email. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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gratitude

"cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously." - ralph waldo emerson


today AS, CJ, and CG came to help us declutter our house. after reorganizing the kitchen and bagging up at least a tonne of stuff to donate, i was sitting by myself waiting for pizza to be delivered ... everyone else was in the basement organizing ... and i began to cry. 

i cried because i don't believe myself worthy or deserving of such kindness. i was overcome with gratitude and overwhelmed by the kindness being bestowed upon us. 

thank you AS, CJ, and CG for your help today. thank you for uplifting my heart, and allowing me to experience such gratitude towards you. 

"piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude." - a.a. milne

be kind to yourself, and find a way to express your gratitude, even if it is only to yourself ...

xoxo

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