and today, after being told that i need to "do something about" my depression, as if i haven't spent the last 7 months healing and struggling to stay afloat ... i decided to write a blog post about what to say to someone suffering with depression. because telling someone to suck it up, to get over it, to figure it out, or to do something about it ... well those aren't helpful. at all. just saying.
Understanding depression in a friend or family member:
- Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.
- The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most. In addition, depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.
- Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
- You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his or her happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm
here are 15 things you can say to someone suffering with depression:
1. someone with depression is looking for understanding, empathy, and the feeling of being heard. so say something that acknowledges that it sucks.
2. let the person know that you are there for them if they need you.
3. offer to go for a walk, to talk, or to go for coffee with the person.
4. ask if there is anything you can do.
5. let the person know that they are not alone.
6. let the person know that they matter. that they are important to you.
7. offer a hug.
8. acknowledge that the feelings are real and that person is not crazy.
9. remind the person that there will be an end. that they wont always feel this way. and that you will be there through it.
10. let them know that they will survive this.
11. acknowledge that you don't know what they are feeling, but that you will try to understand.
12. recognize that isolation is a symptom of depression. don't be put off by being put off.
13. be a good listener. don't offer advice if it isn't asked for.
14. instead of trying to convince the person that their feelings are irrational, try saying "i'm sorry you feel that way."
15. ask if the person has sought professional help. offer to help them find professional help - to go with them to the doctor, to a therapist, or to the hospital if necessary.
be honest with yourself about your own feelings and talk to someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed by a friend or loved one's depression.
depression is an illness. and it isn't fun. and it isn't something that anyone wishes upon themselves or brings upon themselves. it isn't something that you can just suck up and carry on, or easily fix. and it is something that will come and go throughout life.
so the next time you find yourself wanting to tell someone to suck it up or get over it ... the next time you find yourself wanting to say, "i know how you feel, i was really sad when my dog died." ... look at this list and find something helpful to say instead.
be kind to yourself, and each other,
xoxo
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