what i learned from pokey sue

pokey sue is my acupuncturist. i hate acupuncture. i hate needles. but i love the feeling of being the centre of attention and care for an hour. and i love the balance i feel after treatment. 

i wanted to write about the lessons i have learned from pokey sue over the last 3 years ...

1. you wouldn't eat garbage, so why would you listen to people who speak garbage? why would you take in their words? learn to separate the garbage from the healthy words and take in only those words that are good for you. 

2. if you cut a quince and take out the seeds, and soak the seeds in water overnight, and then drink the goo that forms, it will coat your sore throat ... it also tastes like goo and makes you gag, but that's beside the point ... (http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2011/10/adventures-in-quinces.html)

3. celery can be put in the blender, drained, and drunk, helping to lower your blood sugar. it also tastes like crap. which is surprising because i love celery. but i don't like it as a drink. as a drink it is very nasty. 

4. lemon trees are hard to grow. (http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2014/02/pokey-sues-plant-predicament.html)

5. truth can set you free and break a million hearts at once. 

6. willpower comes from hope. and when you lose hope, you lose your willpower. 

7. focusing on the positives are important. 

8. everyday, wake up and tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving. 

9. there are people in this world who care so much about other people that they devote their career to caring for them - even if that means stabbing them with needles.

10. plants have similar reactions to lie detectors that humans do. plants have been shown to react to negative and positive stimuli. 

11. stick tea shrinks cysts.

12. love is the most important emotion. 

13. different parts of your body have different times that they are ... i dunno, active? 

14. people come in and out of your life at different times to teach you things. some people can really touch your life without them even knowing it. 

what lessons have you been taught?

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

horoscope

i don't usually pay attention to horoscopes. and when i do, they are just silly. however, my last 2 horoscopes have been incredibly accurate and right on. this morning i woke up feeling vulnerable and raw. and this was today's horoscope that i will go through bit by bit. 

May 27, 2014
A Loving Trust
Aries Daily Horoscope

You may feel wide open and vulnerable today, and you could feel the need to reach out and share your fears and insecurities with others. It's possible you will seek the company of dear friends or loved ones, individuals you know you can trust. 

i use my blog as a way to reach out and share with others. seeking the company of people i can trust is my plan for today. 

You might consider asking one of these people to get together with you today to have a long conversation. If you do, you might first think about how you're feeling today and what may be at the root of any worry or conflict you could be experiencing. If you communicate these things openly with another person, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you may get emotional support in response. 

i am meeting Zed for coffee this afternoon, with the plan to have a long conversation about all our worries. and my constant goal at the moment is to be open and vulnerable. which is why this horoscope speaks to me so deeply. 

Should you wish to be open and vulnerable today but feel blocked, you might consider letting yourself really trust those with whom you speak.

Trusting the people we are closest to allows us to be vulnerable. Having faith that others love and want the best for us creates an atmosphere of openness and willingness. We are able to set aside our fears and can freely express anything that weighs on our minds or hearts. 

trust. i put my trust in my readers that my openness and my willingness to share the deepest parts of myself with be received with love and not with judgement. 

The simple act of communicating these things to a caring person lightens our burden. The more we share, the better we feel, and the more closely connected we are to the other person. Trust that those you choose to be open with today care about you and appreciate your honesty, and they will respond to your vulnerability with love and support. 

trust, openness, vulnerability ... those are the messages i will carry with me today. 

yesterday, i was having a bad day and i reached out to gigi's mom and told her how i was feeling and why. she shared with me a website called  www.dailyom.com which had these horoscopes as well as a beautiful message about grief. this was yesterday's horoscope:

When we are trying to piece together the puzzle of our future, we can get help and guidance from other people. 

gigi's mom offered me support and guidance and hope in her email to me. she gave me a piece of my puzzle. 

Everyone we interact with has something to contribute to our journey. As we engage with others and listen to their advice, we can formulate our image of the right path, solution, or action for ourselves. Each person we question can add a small piece to the puzzle of our future. 

gigi's mom set me on the right path as i was wavering in an opposite direction. 


Seek recommendations and guidance from others regarding your aspirations today, absorb the wisdom that benefits you, and watch a new piece of your life's puzzle fall into place.

each person who offers me wisdom has offered me a piece of my puzzle, or as directed me as to where my piece needs to go ... i have never been good at puzzles, so having help makes me feel less lonely and less alone. 

it's amazing how one person can say one thing that can have a huge impact on your day. be that person today ... be that person who says something to someone that changes their day. 

be kind to yourself, and each other,

xoxo

...

sunshine

it has been days and days since we have had a day like to day with sunshine. it was hard to remember what it felt like to have the rays beating down on me instead of rain beating down on my umbrella. 

“Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.” ― Helen Keller

it's hard to keep your mood up when you are trudging through day after day of cold grey rain. so on a day like today, i throw open the windows and let in the fresh air. 

“The sun,--the bright sun, that brings back, not light alone, but new life, and hope, and freshness to man--burst upon the crowded city in clear and radiant glory. Through costly-coloured glass and paper-mended window, through cathedral dome and rotten crevice, it shed its equal ray.” ― Charles Dickens

the sun is a ball of burning gas ... but it's the most important thing in our atmosphere. for so long it was thought that the sun revolved around us ... and it is humbling to remember that we revolve around the sun with 8 other planets (i still count pluto thbbb scientists). it makes me feel tiny to think about the 7 billion people on our planet, tiny as ants in comparison to the sun. does being tiny make us inconsequential? 

“Here sat Marilla Cuthbert, when she sat at all, slightly distrustful of sunshine, which seemed to her too dancing and irresponsible a thing for a world which was meant to be taken seriously…” ― L.M. Montgomery 

a world which was meant to be taken seriously ... life is too short to be taken seriously. i want to be as dancing and irresponsible enough to shock marilla cuthbert. i want to dance in the sunshine, dance like the sunshine, and soak in it's life-giving rays. without the sun, there would be no life on this planet. 

“Worry does not keep it from raining tomorrow, but it does keep it from being sunny today.” ― Shannon L. Alder

it is hard to remember that the sun is always there, even when it is cold and rainy and cloudy and gross and depressing outside. it's hard to remember that there is always a burning ball of gas keeping us alive. on a planet that we are destroying, but i can save that for another post. 

“Hope is the sunshine and sprinklers of your life. It's what makes you grow and thrive.” ― Justin Buzzard

how can we find ways to keep the warm feelings of sunshine when we can't see it. how can we trust that it is there when we can't see it or feel it? how can we believe in the sun when it goes away for so long?

“Laughter is a sunbeam of the soul.” ― Thomas Mann

we can fill our days with the light that comes from laughter, from poetry, from hugs, from art, from music, from beauty, from a hot cuppa tea, from a good chat with a friend, with a good piece of chocolate ...

find your sunshine ...

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

...

catching air in my hands ...

i had the most fantastic day. 

i laughed so much my abs hurt. 

and then i came home and felt happy, and joyful, and i was trying not to get my hopes up and yet i was convinced that a switch had been "flicked" and that the new meds were working and that i was feeling better and that i was going to get to go back to work early! i started thinking about all the things that i was going to do back at work. the people that i miss. and i was excited. 

i was smiling and snuggling and feeling like i was on top of the world. i rolled over to go to sleep and listened to the gentle breathing of the love of my life beside me. and then it was like i was trying to hold onto air in my hands as the joy and happiness slipped through my fingers. 

and i started to cry. 

no reason. nothing that i can identify anyway. no trigger. 

just the slowly fading feeling of happiness that had filled me trickled out of me and was replaced with the empty feeling that has haunted me for so long. 

i wanted to be able to hold onto that happiness. i wanted that joyful laughter that filled my afternoon and evening to fill up all the empty places inside of me. 

instead, i feel hollow and sad. and inconsequential. 

so i decided to reach out to my blog readers tonight. how do you hold onto happiness? how to do you keep the joy inside of you? please leave your comment at the end of this post, or contact me by email using the contact form on the right side of this page. let me know if i can share your ideas with my readers. 

xoxo
...