emotional harm reduction

harm reduction is a set of principles used in addiction support. it is strategies for supporting people, in whatever stage of their drug use, to make their use safer. 

today LES suggested i write about emotional harm reduction and what that means to me. for example, if you have a list of things to do and you feel completely paralyzed, picking one thing and focusing on that and doing that one thing can make it easier to accomplish something.  

i thought a lot today about harm reduction and how it could be applied to emotions and to our responses to emotions. and i decided that i would write 8 principles of emotional harm reduction, based on the principles of harm reduction as it relates to substance abuse. 

1. accept that emotions are part of everyone's daily lives and that it is better to minimize the harmful effects of our responses to emotions than to ignore or suppress these emotions: each day we have various emotions flow through us. the emotions themselves are harmless, but can cause duress. we need to find ways to minimize our harmful reactions to the emotions that we feel. for example, when you are feeling overwhelmed your response to that feeling can often be to do something harmful to yourself instead of self-care; i.e. choosing to do something soothing and calming like taking a bath/shower, making some tea, taking some deep breaths, playing an instrument, going for a walk etc. 

2. emotions can elicit all sorts of responses in individuals, and some responses are more appropriate than others. it is important to acknowledge that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with our emotions: unhealthy ways to deal with emotions include self-harm or harming someone else, purging, suppressing, or taking it out on someone else. healthy ways include practicing self-care, talking to a safe person, or even meditating ... it's okay to stop and take care of yourself when you are experiencing an emotion that feels "too much."

3. successful intervention of our own responses to our emotions involve creating safe ways to express emotions, not ceasing to have emotions altogether: learning to allow myself to have emotions and to find ways to say to someone "i feel ..." has been the most challenging and also most rewarding and liberating experience of my life. for me, a safe way to express my emotions has been in writing (either this blog, emails, texts, and even facebook chats) and also in therapy. being able to express emotions safely makes experiencing emotions more comfortable (or bearable). 

4. finding ways to work with supportive people to explore our emotions in a way that reduces our negative reactions to these emotions: therapy. good friends. compassionate and loving people. finding a support system.

5. empower ourselves to be the ones to understand our emotions and to know what we need: only you can know what you are feeling and what you need. only you can know whether or not meditation is right for you. getting suggestions from people is fine, but only you can know WHAT will work for you and what wont. you need to be empowered to be able to stand up for your needs. 

6. recognize that social inequities, personal identities, past trauma, and our vulnerability affect our capacity to effectively deal with our emotions and how we react to having them: we all have a past. we all have things in our life that have made us who we are. and some of us have not learned how to react to having emotions that throw us into a tailspin. it's okay to ask for help. it's okay to admit that you don't know how to react in a safe and supportive way to your own emotions. and it is okay to seek help. 

7. do not minimize or ignore the potential harm that we can cause to ourselves based on our reactions to our sometimes difficult emotions: self-harm or harming someone else, purging, suppressing, or taking it out on someone else, can all be dangerous reactions to difficult emotions. it is important to recognize that this is true, so that we can create ways to safely and healthfully deal with our emotions. 

8. ensure that our own voices are heard when we seek help to understand our emotions: if you have taken the step to go to therapy, and you don't feel heard, then find a new therapist. seriously. i am not making light of a serious situation. i have been in various therapeutic settings over the last 17 years and only in the last year and a half have i been in a setting where my voice is heard. you are the only person who knows how you are feeling. your voice matters. (click here for my post on why i support the experience of going to therapy)

so what does this mean when we are dealing with our emotions? sometimes fear and anxiety can rule our lives. we are afraid to try things, afraid to put ourselves out there, afraid to be vulnerable. sometimes showing up is the most that we can do. LES said, "... you can do nothing for fear of failure or you can try, and see what happens ... time is going to pass anyways ..." 

for 30 years, i suppressed my emotions. i found ways to numb myself so that i didn't have to feel anger, hurt, sadness, longing, loneliness, despair, fear ... i found ways to push those emotions aside ... and to not FEEL anything. 

but in doing so, i made it impossible to feel joy, bliss, happiness, excitement, pleasure ... 

as i explore my own emotions, i am learning ways to "handle" my feelings. i am learning ways to feel the emotions without having a total and complete breakdown every time a feeling passes through me. it isn't easy. Nosy Nora says, "it sucks," and it does. but feeling is so much better than not feeling ... believe me.

as always ...

be kind to yourself, 


xoxo

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