geneen roth has changed my life through her books. i no longer mindlessly eat. i no longer binge. i no longer eat when i am not hungry. these are big changes for me.
roth has 7 guidelines for eating.
1. eat when you are hungry
2. eat sitting down in a calm environment.
3. eat without distractions
4. eat what your body wants
5. eat until you are satisfied
6. eat (with the intention of) being in full view of others
7. eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure
that's it. 7 simple yet challenging guidelines for eating. it's not a diet. it's not a lifestyle change. it's a reframing of your relationship with food.
the idea of eating what i want when i am hungry in full view of other people was the hardest thing i faced. i'm not supposed to eat chocolate or chips or candy. i'm not supposed to eat in front of people. fat women eating in public experience shame, either internally or by other people's looks or comments. so it was really hard ... is really hard to eat fully in view of others.
another challenge is eating without distractions which includes tv, reading, music, and driving. we always eat in front of the tv. i find myself sitting alone at the table sometimes. and i'm okay with that now.
another difficult change was eating until i was satisfied. for a couple of reasons. first of all, when you eat in front of the tv (or with other distractions) you don't recognize the signals that your body sends to tell you to stop eating. so i would finish what was on my plate without really noticing. second, i feel guilty throwing out food, so i would finish what was on my plate.
i started to watch other people's eating habits and noticed that often people stop eating when they are satisfied and leave food on their plates.
what?
people don't finish their food all the time. and that's okay. it's okay to throw out what you don't eat. (or put it away as leftovers)
if you have a difficult relationship with food, i suggest you read one or more of geneen roth's books. they really were life changing for me.
http://geneenroth.com/books/
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Sunday, 16 November 2014
Friday, 14 November 2014
10 tips for happiness
the last few days have found me in a good mood. this is rare these days. i think that part of it is a new medication, but more importantly, i think that it has been examining how the positive and huge changes that i have made over the last few years.
so while i am in this good mood, i wanted to share ten tips for being happy:
1. express gratitude. i keep a gratitude journal and every day i make a list of things that i am grateful for. it helps to have positive thoughts in your mind.
2. set the bar high and expect the best out of life. thinking negative thoughts leads to negative feelings. turn your negative thoughts around and allow yourself to think positively.
3. don't compare yourself to other people. you are a unique gift on this planet. you are no one else but you. as oscar wilde said: "be yourself everyone else is already taken."
4. forgive yourself. seriously. forgive yourself. you are human. life will be messy and filled with mistakes. and as it says in anne of green gables, "tomorrow is a fresh day with no mistakes in it." forgive forgive forgive your mistakes, your messiness, your imperfections.
5. be kind to others. pay it forward. it makes you feel good.
6. treat yourself the way you treat the people that you love (thanks geneen roth ... what a concept!)
7. therapy. seriously. therapy. if you are chronically unhappy, there's a reason ... or reasons ... and having someone guide you on a healing journey is helpful. that sounded incredibly cheesy ... having someone to listen to you and talk out your issues is beneficial.
8. see people. go out. see people. socialize. even if it's hard. do it anyway. keep contact with your friends. find a group to join. for me it's choir. i will admit that i have NOT been enjoying choir this semester. but i go every week anyway. it's my community.
9. "be the lab scientist and not the rat." http://www.purposefairy.com/ which means pay attention to your mind, to your reactions to situations, your reactions to things that people say. learn your triggers and find ways to cope. strategies for coping will help you reframe the situation.
10. this is the most challenging step (for me). be good to your body. feed it. feed it healthy and nutritious foods. feed it what tastes good to you. feed it what you LIKE. and move your body. even if that means simply going for a walk (yes, i DO listen to you nosy nora).
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
being angry is a natural feeling and it's okay to feel angry and to talk through those feelings. nosy nora says it's even okay to be angry with people that you love. including your parents. yikes! but holding onto that anger for a long time and not doing anything with it hurts you more than it hurts the person that you are angry at. expressing that emotion in some way helps you to let it go. that doesn't mean you have to tell the person you are mad at. you can express your anger in many different healthy ways. that's a post for another day.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
i woke up feeling happy the last 2 days. but i cultivated that happiness by following the 10 steps above. by acknowledging that i have put in the work to change my life. (and possibly by upping my meds. just saying)
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer
one of the biggest lessons that i have learned through therapy and through facing my addiction is that when you numb yourself to the hard feelings, you numb yourself to the wonderful feelings as well. when you protect yourself from feeling, you don't get to experience the joys that life is filled with.
“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
― Ayn Rand
make yourself important. you matter. did you hear that? i'll say it louder ... YOUUUUUU MATTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
“All happiness depends on courage and work.”
― Honoré de Balzac
you wont just BE happy without working on yourself. and that takes time and small changes that lead to bigger life-long change. (another gem from nosy nora)
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
― J.M. Barrie
i included that quote because i love the idea of fairies. and i love baby laughs. what brings more joy than a baby laughing!?!?!?!?!???
“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
― Hunter S. Thompson
one of the first things i remember nosy nora saying to me when i started therapy a few years ago was that i seemed like i wasn't present in my life. i was on the shore merely existing. terrified of the potential storm out on the sea of life. i am trying really hard to be present. it's not easy. but i feel like i am more alive. like i am experiencing life instead of watching it pass me by.
“Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”
― Guillaume Apollinaire
pause and experience your happiness. there's no point in following my steps to happiness if you spend all your time focusing on trying to make yourself happy without enjoying the feeling of BEING happy.
and MOST importantly,
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
so while i am in this good mood, i wanted to share ten tips for being happy:
1. express gratitude. i keep a gratitude journal and every day i make a list of things that i am grateful for. it helps to have positive thoughts in your mind.
2. set the bar high and expect the best out of life. thinking negative thoughts leads to negative feelings. turn your negative thoughts around and allow yourself to think positively.
3. don't compare yourself to other people. you are a unique gift on this planet. you are no one else but you. as oscar wilde said: "be yourself everyone else is already taken."
4. forgive yourself. seriously. forgive yourself. you are human. life will be messy and filled with mistakes. and as it says in anne of green gables, "tomorrow is a fresh day with no mistakes in it." forgive forgive forgive your mistakes, your messiness, your imperfections.
5. be kind to others. pay it forward. it makes you feel good.
6. treat yourself the way you treat the people that you love (thanks geneen roth ... what a concept!)
7. therapy. seriously. therapy. if you are chronically unhappy, there's a reason ... or reasons ... and having someone guide you on a healing journey is helpful. that sounded incredibly cheesy ... having someone to listen to you and talk out your issues is beneficial.
8. see people. go out. see people. socialize. even if it's hard. do it anyway. keep contact with your friends. find a group to join. for me it's choir. i will admit that i have NOT been enjoying choir this semester. but i go every week anyway. it's my community.
9. "be the lab scientist and not the rat." http://www.purposefairy.com/ which means pay attention to your mind, to your reactions to situations, your reactions to things that people say. learn your triggers and find ways to cope. strategies for coping will help you reframe the situation.
10. this is the most challenging step (for me). be good to your body. feed it. feed it healthy and nutritious foods. feed it what tastes good to you. feed it what you LIKE. and move your body. even if that means simply going for a walk (yes, i DO listen to you nosy nora).
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
being angry is a natural feeling and it's okay to feel angry and to talk through those feelings. nosy nora says it's even okay to be angry with people that you love. including your parents. yikes! but holding onto that anger for a long time and not doing anything with it hurts you more than it hurts the person that you are angry at. expressing that emotion in some way helps you to let it go. that doesn't mean you have to tell the person you are mad at. you can express your anger in many different healthy ways. that's a post for another day.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
i woke up feeling happy the last 2 days. but i cultivated that happiness by following the 10 steps above. by acknowledging that i have put in the work to change my life. (and possibly by upping my meds. just saying)
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer
one of the biggest lessons that i have learned through therapy and through facing my addiction is that when you numb yourself to the hard feelings, you numb yourself to the wonderful feelings as well. when you protect yourself from feeling, you don't get to experience the joys that life is filled with.
“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
― Ayn Rand
make yourself important. you matter. did you hear that? i'll say it louder ... YOUUUUUU MATTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
“All happiness depends on courage and work.”
― Honoré de Balzac
you wont just BE happy without working on yourself. and that takes time and small changes that lead to bigger life-long change. (another gem from nosy nora)
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
― J.M. Barrie
i included that quote because i love the idea of fairies. and i love baby laughs. what brings more joy than a baby laughing!?!?!?!?!???
“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
― Hunter S. Thompson
one of the first things i remember nosy nora saying to me when i started therapy a few years ago was that i seemed like i wasn't present in my life. i was on the shore merely existing. terrified of the potential storm out on the sea of life. i am trying really hard to be present. it's not easy. but i feel like i am more alive. like i am experiencing life instead of watching it pass me by.
“Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”
― Guillaume Apollinaire
pause and experience your happiness. there's no point in following my steps to happiness if you spend all your time focusing on trying to make yourself happy without enjoying the feeling of BEING happy.
and MOST importantly,
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Wednesday, 12 November 2014
changes
so i was beginning to think that over the last 2 years i haven't really made any changes. that i trudge along throughout my day and do the same things, behave the same way, react the same way ... i felt like i was a caterpillar stuck at that stage of my life, in a cocoon unable to grow wings.
... nosy nora asked me if i noticed any changes and i said not really. then she listed the changes ...
... i am no longer addicted to nortriptyline or what nosy nora and i call "the yellow pills." i don't take them. i don't obsess over them.
... i no longer abuse sedatives. i don't crave them. i don't think about them and long for them.
... i say "no" more often. and i am aware of doing things that i don't want to do, and at times i don't do them. AG reminds me that i am an adult and i don't have to do anything i don't want to do.
... i no longer binge. if i start to binge, i am able to stop myself in the moment and question why i am bingeing. and i am able to stop the cycle.
... i no longer purge. even when i really, really have the urge to throw up, i have strategies and coping skills that i didn't have before.
... i am able to feel my feelings and am no longer numb to my emotions.
those are some pretty major changes. and here i thought i wasn't doing the work to change my life. i still have many more things that i want to work on. i am still struggling with depression and anxiety. but in the grand scheme of things, i am doing pretty damn well. so maybe i am a butterfly now.
think about your life over the last few years. what changes have you made?
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
... nosy nora asked me if i noticed any changes and i said not really. then she listed the changes ...
... i am no longer addicted to nortriptyline or what nosy nora and i call "the yellow pills." i don't take them. i don't obsess over them.
... i no longer abuse sedatives. i don't crave them. i don't think about them and long for them.
... i say "no" more often. and i am aware of doing things that i don't want to do, and at times i don't do them. AG reminds me that i am an adult and i don't have to do anything i don't want to do.
... i no longer binge. if i start to binge, i am able to stop myself in the moment and question why i am bingeing. and i am able to stop the cycle.
... i no longer purge. even when i really, really have the urge to throw up, i have strategies and coping skills that i didn't have before.
... i am able to feel my feelings and am no longer numb to my emotions.
those are some pretty major changes. and here i thought i wasn't doing the work to change my life. i still have many more things that i want to work on. i am still struggling with depression and anxiety. but in the grand scheme of things, i am doing pretty damn well. so maybe i am a butterfly now.
think about your life over the last few years. what changes have you made?
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Sunday, 9 November 2014
dealing with anxiety
in the past, i have written about anxiety, worries, and being anxious. today i want to talk about ways to deal with anxiety.
anxiety is a major part of my life. it has been for as long as i can remember. lately, i have been dealing with anxiety by grinding my teeth. i have only had one panic attack in the last month thankfully. but i still get a clenched belly and clenched jaw.
so what is anxiety? it is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. or, as a disorder that causes nervousness, fear, apprehension and worrying.
so what can you do about it? how can you live life when you are constantly in a state of worry and apprehension?
learning relaxation techniques is important. whether that means something like meditation, or simply breathing exercises or muscle relaxation techniques.
another step is to challenge your negative thinking. for me, one of my biggest worries is about my car. i am always sure it is going to blow up, or get a flat tire. so i talk myself through the scenario. will my car blow up? no. cars don't spontaneously explode. they just don't. will i get a flat tire? it could happen. will it kill me? no. i have CAA and can call someone to come and help me. it will suck, but i will be okay. and likely, i wont get a flat tire.
limit your alcohol and caffeine intake. they can make your anxiety worse. (yes, DP, less coffee could be helpful)
get enough sleep. when you are sleep-deprived (as i often am) you are more prone to worry. and when you are in a state of anxiety, you need more rest.
exercise is helpful ... (so i am told repeatedly by nosy nora). something as simple as going for walks can really help to manage your symptoms.
eat foods high in anti-oxidants like blueberries. as well as almonds, dark chocolate, fish (eww), and pumpkin seeds. they supposedly lower the hormones responsible for stress. i don't know if this is true, but there are no negative effects to eating these things, so go for it.
say no. seriously.
say no.
don't get overwhelmed by commitments. we lead such busy lives and we over-commit ourselves. you need to learn your limits and respect yourself enough to enforce them. this might mean staying home on a friday night when all your friends are out having fun. it's okay. you don't have to do everything.
keep a journal that keeps track of when you are anxious and try to identify what you are feeling anxious about. as i type this, i am worrying about how it will be received and i am grinding my teeth. as you journal and discover what is causing your apprehension and fears, you can uncover the things that are within your control. then you can make changes to the situation
there are situations beyond your control. but focus on the things that you CAN change. and then ... change them.
set aside worry time. give yourself an hour each day where you are allowed to worry about everything. you are allowed to stress and freak out and run every situation over and over again in your head. and when the hour is up, you are done. finished. no more worrying allowed. turn it off. think about other things.
another idea from nosy nora is to put in your earphones and listen to happy music, or music that makes you feel good, or music that has positive memories tied to it. and if you feel like it, dance along. it's almost impossible to feel anything but happy when you are dancing along to "sweet home alabama". check out this website on music and memory to further understand how music can connect you to happier and calmer feelings. http://musicandmemory.org/
use positive thoughts to challenge the negative ones. "this is scary but i will be okay." or "this is awful, but i have some strategies to deal with it." i use geneen roth's suggestion of adding "the sky is blue" to my thoughts. it neutralizes the thought by attaching the statement to it. "my car is going to blow up the sky is blue." or "i am never going to get this right i am such an idiot the sky is blue."
there's always meditation and yoga. for those of us gently rounded people, yoga sounds terrifying. i am so anxious about yoga that i have to do it at home using youtube videos instead of going to a class. but it's better than not doing anything at all.
most of all, if anxiety is running your life, seek support from friends and family, and potentially from a health care professional. living with anxiety is really challenging. trust me. it sucks. but there are ways to manage your anxiety and you don't have to do it alone.
and as always,
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
anxiety is a major part of my life. it has been for as long as i can remember. lately, i have been dealing with anxiety by grinding my teeth. i have only had one panic attack in the last month thankfully. but i still get a clenched belly and clenched jaw.
so what is anxiety? it is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. or, as a disorder that causes nervousness, fear, apprehension and worrying.
so what can you do about it? how can you live life when you are constantly in a state of worry and apprehension?
learning relaxation techniques is important. whether that means something like meditation, or simply breathing exercises or muscle relaxation techniques.
another step is to challenge your negative thinking. for me, one of my biggest worries is about my car. i am always sure it is going to blow up, or get a flat tire. so i talk myself through the scenario. will my car blow up? no. cars don't spontaneously explode. they just don't. will i get a flat tire? it could happen. will it kill me? no. i have CAA and can call someone to come and help me. it will suck, but i will be okay. and likely, i wont get a flat tire.
limit your alcohol and caffeine intake. they can make your anxiety worse. (yes, DP, less coffee could be helpful)
get enough sleep. when you are sleep-deprived (as i often am) you are more prone to worry. and when you are in a state of anxiety, you need more rest.
exercise is helpful ... (so i am told repeatedly by nosy nora). something as simple as going for walks can really help to manage your symptoms.
eat foods high in anti-oxidants like blueberries. as well as almonds, dark chocolate, fish (eww), and pumpkin seeds. they supposedly lower the hormones responsible for stress. i don't know if this is true, but there are no negative effects to eating these things, so go for it.
say no. seriously.
say no.
don't get overwhelmed by commitments. we lead such busy lives and we over-commit ourselves. you need to learn your limits and respect yourself enough to enforce them. this might mean staying home on a friday night when all your friends are out having fun. it's okay. you don't have to do everything.
keep a journal that keeps track of when you are anxious and try to identify what you are feeling anxious about. as i type this, i am worrying about how it will be received and i am grinding my teeth. as you journal and discover what is causing your apprehension and fears, you can uncover the things that are within your control. then you can make changes to the situation
there are situations beyond your control. but focus on the things that you CAN change. and then ... change them.
set aside worry time. give yourself an hour each day where you are allowed to worry about everything. you are allowed to stress and freak out and run every situation over and over again in your head. and when the hour is up, you are done. finished. no more worrying allowed. turn it off. think about other things.
another idea from nosy nora is to put in your earphones and listen to happy music, or music that makes you feel good, or music that has positive memories tied to it. and if you feel like it, dance along. it's almost impossible to feel anything but happy when you are dancing along to "sweet home alabama". check out this website on music and memory to further understand how music can connect you to happier and calmer feelings. http://musicandmemory.org/
use positive thoughts to challenge the negative ones. "this is scary but i will be okay." or "this is awful, but i have some strategies to deal with it." i use geneen roth's suggestion of adding "the sky is blue" to my thoughts. it neutralizes the thought by attaching the statement to it. "my car is going to blow up the sky is blue." or "i am never going to get this right i am such an idiot the sky is blue."
there's always meditation and yoga. for those of us gently rounded people, yoga sounds terrifying. i am so anxious about yoga that i have to do it at home using youtube videos instead of going to a class. but it's better than not doing anything at all.
most of all, if anxiety is running your life, seek support from friends and family, and potentially from a health care professional. living with anxiety is really challenging. trust me. it sucks. but there are ways to manage your anxiety and you don't have to do it alone.
and as always,
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Saturday, 25 October 2014
scared part 2
yesterday i wrote a post about 50 things that i was scared of. but since then i have thought of so many more things that scare me.
51. being authentic in case it means no one likes me.
52. i can't sleep with any part of me hanging over the side of the bed (or too close to the edge of the bed) in case something grabs me. or someone.
53. dogs.
54. gory movies.
55. my parents dying.
56. snakes.
57. people who get angry.
58. my car dying in the middle of nowhere.
59. flat tires.
60. death in general.
61. guns.
62. violence.
63. being late.
64. not sleeping.
65. sleeping too much.
66. anxiety.
67. being pulled over by the police.
68. wild animals.
69. being reincarnated as a frog. ok, not really. that one was for nosy nora.
70. that there is life after death and i will have to live all over again and never get to just sleep.
71. that there is no life after death and this is all we have.
72. moving.
73. debt.
74. panic attacks.
75. anger.
76. yelling.
77. ants in my house.
78. drugs.
79. driving in the dark.
80. driving in the dark in the rain.
81. driving in a snow storm.
82. war.
83. genocide.
84. tornadoes.
85. the power going off.
86. bad credit.
87. running out of money.
88. my teeth falling out.
89. strangers.
90. getting in trouble at work.
91. having to work forever.
92. not being able to work.
93. tv shows and movies about violence.
94. DP leaving me.
95. ghost stories.
96. public bathrooms.
97. cancer.
98. not being able to pay the bills.
99. the dark.
100. running out of things to write about.
and that makes my top 100 things that i am afraid of. there's a few repeats from yesterday's list i think. but that's only 'cause those things are really scary.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
51. being authentic in case it means no one likes me.
52. i can't sleep with any part of me hanging over the side of the bed (or too close to the edge of the bed) in case something grabs me. or someone.
53. dogs.
54. gory movies.
55. my parents dying.
56. snakes.
57. people who get angry.
58. my car dying in the middle of nowhere.
59. flat tires.
60. death in general.
61. guns.
62. violence.
63. being late.
64. not sleeping.
65. sleeping too much.
66. anxiety.
67. being pulled over by the police.
68. wild animals.
69. being reincarnated as a frog. ok, not really. that one was for nosy nora.
70. that there is life after death and i will have to live all over again and never get to just sleep.
71. that there is no life after death and this is all we have.
72. moving.
73. debt.
74. panic attacks.
75. anger.
76. yelling.
77. ants in my house.
78. drugs.
79. driving in the dark.
80. driving in the dark in the rain.
81. driving in a snow storm.
82. war.
83. genocide.
84. tornadoes.
85. the power going off.
86. bad credit.
87. running out of money.
88. my teeth falling out.
89. strangers.
90. getting in trouble at work.
91. having to work forever.
92. not being able to work.
93. tv shows and movies about violence.
94. DP leaving me.
95. ghost stories.
96. public bathrooms.
97. cancer.
98. not being able to pay the bills.
99. the dark.
100. running out of things to write about.
and that makes my top 100 things that i am afraid of. there's a few repeats from yesterday's list i think. but that's only 'cause those things are really scary.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Friday, 24 October 2014
scared
i have noticed that many of my readers are from Russia. I wanted to say welcome and thank you for reading my blog.
here are my top 50 fears:
1. i am afraid of getting lost
2. i am afraid of not finding parking
3. i am afraid of my car breaking down - or spontaneously exploding
4. i am afraid of getting a flat tire
5. i am afraid of dark parking lots
6. i'm afraid of dark streets at night
7. i'm afraid of being raped.
8. i'm afraid of being murdered
9. i'm afraid of burning dinner when i cook
10. i'm afraid of people being mad at me
11. i'm afraid when people yell
12. i'm afraid of the news
13. i'm afraid of dogs
14. i'm afraid of being wrong
15. i'm afraid of breaking the rules
16. i'm afraid of being fat forever
17. i'm afraid of being in trouble
18. i'm afraid of insects
19. i'm afraid of mice and rats
20. i'm afraid of police
21. i'm afraid of bad guys
22. i'm afraid that if i drive with the windows open someone will reach inside and steal my bag
23. i'm afraid of my car windows being smashed in (which has happened twice so it's not irrational)
24. i'm afraid of drinking too much
25. i'm afraid of getting stuck on an elevator
26. i'm afraid of my house being broken into
27. i'm afraid of the people i love dying
28. i'm afraid of losing my friends
29. i'm afraid of being car jacked or shot
30. i'm afraid of a shooting happening at my school
31. i'm afraid of guns
32. i'm afraid of stray cats
33. i'm afraid of magic being real and i'm afraid that it's not
34. i'm afraid of men i pass walking down the street
35. i'm afraid of strangers
36. i'm afraid of my fears
37. i'm afraid of death
38. i'm afraid of living
39. i'm afraid of sleeping to much and of sleeping too little
40. i'm afraid of sharing too much
41. i'm afraid of scary movies
42. i'm afraid of shows like "criminal minds"
43. i'm afraid of my friends changing their minds about wanting to be friends with me (which has happened numerous times and isn't an irrational fear either)
44. i'm afraid of my teeth falling out
45. i'm afraid of car commercials, and credit card commercials
46. i'm afraid to take pills and i'm afraid not to
47. i'm afraid of spiders
48. i'm afraid of money - of not having enough, of owing too much
49.i'm afraid of my back being sore
50. i'm afraid of the subway.
i am pretty much afraid of something all the time. it's exhausting. do any of you have any advice to deal with my fears?
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Добро пожаловать и спасибо за чтение моего блога . Я ценю, что ты , что нашли время , чтобы посетить мой сайт и читать мои мысли .
Dobro pozhalovat' i spasibo za chteniye moyego bloga
YA tsenyu, chto ty , chto nashli vremya , chtoby posetit' moy sayt
i chitat' moi mysli
as halloween approaches, i thought it would write about things that scare me. the list is long. and sometimes irrational. here are my top 50 fears:
1. i am afraid of getting lost
2. i am afraid of not finding parking
3. i am afraid of my car breaking down - or spontaneously exploding
4. i am afraid of getting a flat tire
5. i am afraid of dark parking lots
6. i'm afraid of dark streets at night
7. i'm afraid of being raped.
8. i'm afraid of being murdered
9. i'm afraid of burning dinner when i cook
10. i'm afraid of people being mad at me
11. i'm afraid when people yell
12. i'm afraid of the news
13. i'm afraid of dogs
14. i'm afraid of being wrong
15. i'm afraid of breaking the rules
16. i'm afraid of being fat forever
17. i'm afraid of being in trouble
18. i'm afraid of insects
19. i'm afraid of mice and rats
20. i'm afraid of police
21. i'm afraid of bad guys
22. i'm afraid that if i drive with the windows open someone will reach inside and steal my bag
23. i'm afraid of my car windows being smashed in (which has happened twice so it's not irrational)
24. i'm afraid of drinking too much
25. i'm afraid of getting stuck on an elevator
26. i'm afraid of my house being broken into
27. i'm afraid of the people i love dying
28. i'm afraid of losing my friends
29. i'm afraid of being car jacked or shot
30. i'm afraid of a shooting happening at my school
31. i'm afraid of guns
32. i'm afraid of stray cats
33. i'm afraid of magic being real and i'm afraid that it's not
34. i'm afraid of men i pass walking down the street
35. i'm afraid of strangers
36. i'm afraid of my fears
37. i'm afraid of death
38. i'm afraid of living
39. i'm afraid of sleeping to much and of sleeping too little
40. i'm afraid of sharing too much
41. i'm afraid of scary movies
42. i'm afraid of shows like "criminal minds"
43. i'm afraid of my friends changing their minds about wanting to be friends with me (which has happened numerous times and isn't an irrational fear either)
44. i'm afraid of my teeth falling out
45. i'm afraid of car commercials, and credit card commercials
46. i'm afraid to take pills and i'm afraid not to
47. i'm afraid of spiders
48. i'm afraid of money - of not having enough, of owing too much
49.i'm afraid of my back being sore
50. i'm afraid of the subway.
i am pretty much afraid of something all the time. it's exhausting. do any of you have any advice to deal with my fears?
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Friday, 17 October 2014
hoping for karen
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope
when i was two years old, my mom took me to see the nutcracker. karen kain was dancing the role of clara and i fell in love with ballet, with karen kain, and with the nutcracker.
that chrismas my dad rigged up the tree by tying it with fishing line to nails he put in the walls and the floor. all so that i could dance around the tree like clara.
when i was 3, i started ballet lessons. and i stayed in dance class until i was 19. at 5, i started to get books about karen kain, who much to my pleasure, used to sneak out of dance school for donuts and pastries.
my mom took me to the ballet to see karen kain 3 more times and every time .... all three times!! ... the understudy danced. no karen for me.
i find that happens to me a lot. i go into something hoping for the best and end up disappointed. so how do we deal with disappointment? how do we pick ourselves up and keep going when your third trip in a row to the ballet has an understudy dancing?
1. share your feelings. there's nothing wrong with venting about your disappointment. it's better than keeping it bottled up.
2. ask yourself how serious your disappointment is. is not seeing karen kain dance as serious as losing a job?
3. think about all the things that you are thankful for. the reality is that your list of gratefulness will likely be longer than your current disappointment.
4. take some time to let yourself feel disappointed. it's ok. it's a feeling and it will pass (says nosy nora). but at some point it's good to start thinking positively. you can't stay disappointed forever.
5. Practice acceptance and we may suffer less as it is happening and notice the good things in life more. Disappointment is a part of life, but all parts of life can help us grow. We can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore life more fully. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-steps-to-deal-with-disappointment/
i'm not saying it's easy. i'm still hoping for karen. i have high hopes for good things to come. you have nothing if you don't have hope.
hope. hope is the antidote for disappointment. wikipedia defines hope as:
Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope
here is a guide to having hope if you are feeling hopeless ... http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Hope
hope. disappointment. it's okay to feel both of those feelings and everything in between. but it's important not to dwell on the disappointed side of the spectrum.
You've gotta have hope
Mustn't sit around and mope
Nothin's half as bad as it may appear
Wait'll next year and mope - EDDIE FISHER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkz-YSRAYdA
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
― Alexander Pope
when i was two years old, my mom took me to see the nutcracker. karen kain was dancing the role of clara and i fell in love with ballet, with karen kain, and with the nutcracker.
that chrismas my dad rigged up the tree by tying it with fishing line to nails he put in the walls and the floor. all so that i could dance around the tree like clara.
when i was 3, i started ballet lessons. and i stayed in dance class until i was 19. at 5, i started to get books about karen kain, who much to my pleasure, used to sneak out of dance school for donuts and pastries.
my mom took me to the ballet to see karen kain 3 more times and every time .... all three times!! ... the understudy danced. no karen for me.
i find that happens to me a lot. i go into something hoping for the best and end up disappointed. so how do we deal with disappointment? how do we pick ourselves up and keep going when your third trip in a row to the ballet has an understudy dancing?
1. share your feelings. there's nothing wrong with venting about your disappointment. it's better than keeping it bottled up.
2. ask yourself how serious your disappointment is. is not seeing karen kain dance as serious as losing a job?
3. think about all the things that you are thankful for. the reality is that your list of gratefulness will likely be longer than your current disappointment.
4. take some time to let yourself feel disappointed. it's ok. it's a feeling and it will pass (says nosy nora). but at some point it's good to start thinking positively. you can't stay disappointed forever.
5. Practice acceptance and we may suffer less as it is happening and notice the good things in life more. Disappointment is a part of life, but all parts of life can help us grow. We can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore life more fully. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-steps-to-deal-with-disappointment/
i'm not saying it's easy. i'm still hoping for karen. i have high hopes for good things to come. you have nothing if you don't have hope.
hope. hope is the antidote for disappointment. wikipedia defines hope as:
Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope
here is a guide to having hope if you are feeling hopeless ... http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Hope
hope. disappointment. it's okay to feel both of those feelings and everything in between. but it's important not to dwell on the disappointed side of the spectrum.
You've gotta have hope
Mustn't sit around and mope
Nothin's half as bad as it may appear
Wait'll next year and mope - EDDIE FISHER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkz-YSRAYdA
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Saturday, 11 October 2014
depression
there are several people in my life struggling with depression right now. aside from myself. the best post that i have read about depression is at http://daisiesandbruises.com/2014/09/27/full-weight-depression/
she wrote that depression feels like one of those vests they put on you when you get an x ray. and she talked about how it weighs you down. and how no one can fight it for you, it is something you have to do yourself no matter how much support you receive.
it gets harder and harder to pretend to be fine all the time. harder to smile and to laugh. harder to do daily activities. depression saps your energy. there is a theory about spoons ( http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ ) that explains how you start your day with a certain number of spoons and that each task uses up spoons. i often feel like i am out of spoons. nosy nora says you can always find more spoons . i spend my days looking for more spoons or finding ways to complete tasks without any spoons.
i will keep this post brief in the hopes that you click on the link and read the post i mentioned above. because it explains depression and its effects better than i can.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
she wrote that depression feels like one of those vests they put on you when you get an x ray. and she talked about how it weighs you down. and how no one can fight it for you, it is something you have to do yourself no matter how much support you receive.
it gets harder and harder to pretend to be fine all the time. harder to smile and to laugh. harder to do daily activities. depression saps your energy. there is a theory about spoons ( http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ ) that explains how you start your day with a certain number of spoons and that each task uses up spoons. i often feel like i am out of spoons. nosy nora says you can always find more spoons . i spend my days looking for more spoons or finding ways to complete tasks without any spoons.
i will keep this post brief in the hopes that you click on the link and read the post i mentioned above. because it explains depression and its effects better than i can.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
Thursday, 2 October 2014
chocolate
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
chocolate should be its own food group. it stands on its own as the perfect food. not that waxy stuff they sell as chocolate bars. but real chocolate. i am partial to milk chocolate.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
― Linda Grayson
i am terrible at sharing chocolate. i eat it fast sometimes without stopping to savour the taste and then its gone and i forgot to offer to share it.
“Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.”
― Judith Viorst
i have been practicing enjoying and tasting chocolate these days. and in doing so, i have discovered that i am not partial to chocolate bars that are waxy or full of other ingredients. but there is still something to be said for cadbury mini eggs. especially when you crack the shell carefully with your teeth, peel off the layers, and then suck on the chocolate inside as it melts in your mouth.
chocolate tastes completely different when you really take the time to enjoy the flavour. letting it melt in your mouth.
“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
And it always feels good.”
― Lora Brody
women on diets swear off chocolate. i'm here to tell you ... DON'T. chocolate is a reason to live. there is nothing to feel guilty about when eating chocolate. i'm not telling you to eat a giant box of chocolates every day. but one piece each day is completely acceptable. and highly encouraged. and knowing that you will have chocolate again tomorrow makes it easier to only eat a small bit each day.
“The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare...neither knew chocolate.”
― Sandra Boynton
imagine a world without chocolate?!?!?!?!?! there was a time in history when there were no chocolate bars.
wow.
what a tragedy.
“Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love.”
― Karl Petzke
chocolate is the perfect food. it should be added to the food pyramid, right at the top, as something to be consumed daily for gratification.
and that, my friends, is what i think about chocolate.
be kind to yourself, and eat something sensual,
xoxo
...
― Charles M. Schulz
chocolate should be its own food group. it stands on its own as the perfect food. not that waxy stuff they sell as chocolate bars. but real chocolate. i am partial to milk chocolate.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
― Linda Grayson
i am terrible at sharing chocolate. i eat it fast sometimes without stopping to savour the taste and then its gone and i forgot to offer to share it.
“Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.”
― Judith Viorst
i have been practicing enjoying and tasting chocolate these days. and in doing so, i have discovered that i am not partial to chocolate bars that are waxy or full of other ingredients. but there is still something to be said for cadbury mini eggs. especially when you crack the shell carefully with your teeth, peel off the layers, and then suck on the chocolate inside as it melts in your mouth.
chocolate tastes completely different when you really take the time to enjoy the flavour. letting it melt in your mouth.
“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
And it always feels good.”
― Lora Brody
women on diets swear off chocolate. i'm here to tell you ... DON'T. chocolate is a reason to live. there is nothing to feel guilty about when eating chocolate. i'm not telling you to eat a giant box of chocolates every day. but one piece each day is completely acceptable. and highly encouraged. and knowing that you will have chocolate again tomorrow makes it easier to only eat a small bit each day.
“The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare...neither knew chocolate.”
― Sandra Boynton
imagine a world without chocolate?!?!?!?!?! there was a time in history when there were no chocolate bars.
wow.
what a tragedy.
“Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love.”
― Karl Petzke
chocolate is the perfect food. it should be added to the food pyramid, right at the top, as something to be consumed daily for gratification.
and that, my friends, is what i think about chocolate.
be kind to yourself, and eat something sensual,
xoxo
...
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
writers block
do you ever sit and stare at the screen wanting words to appear but not knowing what to say? the curser flashes over and over taunting me. i want to write but have nothing to say.
“writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all”
― Charles Bukowski
i've been having a rough time these days but i don't know how to write about it. and at the same time, writing is the way i sort through what is going on in my head.
“Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?”
― Kurt Vonnegut
not being able to write - not knowing what to say is painful. it is, in fact, soul sucking. so i am sitting here writing about not being able to write.
“Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.”
― H. Jackson Brown Jr.
if i sit here and i just write ... letting the words flow out of me onto the screen, eventually i will write something meaningful. or at least i will have written a series of words.
“I haven't written in a week. It's like holding your breath under water. You feel an awful constriction and then the instinct to propel yourself.”
― D.A. Botta
not writing has been hard for me. i have been working on this post for 3 days. and it hasn't gone anywhere. like holding my breath under water. eventually i have to come up for air - and since writing is how i breathe, i have to write.
“Writer's block is just another name for fear.”
― Jacob Nordby
what am i afraid of? why can't i write?
“The best way in the world for breaking up a writer's block is to write a lot.”
― John Gardner
so here i sit, writing and writing with nothing to say. writers block. john gardner's advice is to write a lot. so here i sit. writing and writing. eventually something will make sense.
i hope you aren't blocked in your creative outlet. i hope you are able to come up for air and breathe.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
“writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all”
― Charles Bukowski
i've been having a rough time these days but i don't know how to write about it. and at the same time, writing is the way i sort through what is going on in my head.
“Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?”
― Kurt Vonnegut
not being able to write - not knowing what to say is painful. it is, in fact, soul sucking. so i am sitting here writing about not being able to write.
“Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.”
― H. Jackson Brown Jr.
if i sit here and i just write ... letting the words flow out of me onto the screen, eventually i will write something meaningful. or at least i will have written a series of words.
“I haven't written in a week. It's like holding your breath under water. You feel an awful constriction and then the instinct to propel yourself.”
― D.A. Botta
not writing has been hard for me. i have been working on this post for 3 days. and it hasn't gone anywhere. like holding my breath under water. eventually i have to come up for air - and since writing is how i breathe, i have to write.
“Writer's block is just another name for fear.”
― Jacob Nordby
what am i afraid of? why can't i write?
“The best way in the world for breaking up a writer's block is to write a lot.”
― John Gardner
so here i sit, writing and writing with nothing to say. writers block. john gardner's advice is to write a lot. so here i sit. writing and writing. eventually something will make sense.
i hope you aren't blocked in your creative outlet. i hope you are able to come up for air and breathe.
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
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