10 tips for happiness

the last few days have found me in a good mood. this is rare these days. i think that part of it is a new medication, but more importantly, i think that it has been examining how the positive and huge changes that i have made over the last few years. 

so while i am in this good mood, i wanted to share ten tips for being happy:

1. express gratitude. i keep a gratitude journal and every day i make a list of things that i am grateful for. it helps to have positive thoughts in your mind. 

2. set the bar high and expect the best out of life. thinking negative thoughts leads to negative feelings. turn your negative thoughts around and allow yourself to think positively. 

3. don't compare yourself to other people. you are a unique gift on this planet. you are no one else but you. as oscar wilde said: "be yourself everyone else is already taken."

4. forgive yourself. seriously. forgive yourself. you are human. life will be messy and filled with mistakes. and as it says in anne of green gables, "tomorrow is a fresh day with no mistakes in it." forgive forgive forgive your mistakes, your messiness, your imperfections. 

5. be kind to others. pay it forward. it makes you feel good. 

6. treat yourself the way you treat the people that you love (thanks geneen roth ... what a concept!) 

7. therapy. seriously. therapy. if you are chronically unhappy, there's a reason ... or reasons ... and having someone guide you on a healing journey is helpful. that sounded incredibly cheesy ... having someone to listen to you and talk out your issues is beneficial. 

8. see people. go out. see people. socialize. even if it's hard. do it anyway. keep contact with your friends. find a group to join. for me it's choir. i will admit that i have NOT been enjoying choir this semester. but i go every week anyway. it's my community. 

9. "be the lab scientist and not the rat."  http://www.purposefairy.com/ which means pay attention to your mind, to your reactions to situations, your reactions to things that people say. learn your triggers and find ways to cope. strategies for coping will help you reframe the situation.

10. this is the most challenging step (for me). be good to your body. feed it. feed it healthy and nutritious foods. feed it what tastes good to you. feed it what you LIKE. and move your body. even if that means simply going for a walk (yes, i DO listen to you nosy nora). 

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

being angry is a natural feeling and it's okay to feel angry and to talk through those feelings. nosy nora says it's even okay to be angry with people that you love. including your parents. yikes! but holding onto that anger for a long time and not doing anything with it hurts you more than it hurts the person that you are angry at. expressing that emotion in some way helps you to let it go. that doesn't mean you have to tell the person you are mad at. you can express your anger in many different healthy ways. that's a post for another day. 

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

i woke up feeling happy the last 2 days. but i cultivated that happiness by following the 10 steps above. by acknowledging that i have put in the work to change my life. (and possibly by upping my meds. just saying)

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” 
― Jonathan Safran Foer

one of the biggest lessons that i have learned through therapy and through facing my addiction is that when you numb yourself to the hard feelings, you numb yourself to the wonderful feelings as well. when you protect yourself from feeling, you don't get to experience the joys that life is filled with. 

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.” 
― Ayn Rand

make yourself important. you matter. did you hear that? i'll say it louder ... YOUUUUUU MATTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

“All happiness depends on courage and work.” 
― Honoré de Balzac

you wont just BE happy without working on yourself. and that takes time and small changes that lead to bigger life-long change. (another gem from nosy nora)

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.” 
― J.M. Barrie

i included that quote because i love the idea of fairies. and i love baby laughs. what brings more joy than a baby laughing!?!?!?!?!???

“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?” 
― Hunter S. Thompson

one of the first things i remember nosy nora saying to me when i started therapy a few years ago was that i seemed like i wasn't present in my life. i was on the shore merely existing. terrified of the potential storm out on the sea of life. i am trying really hard to be present. it's not easy. but i feel like i am more alive. like i am experiencing life instead of watching it pass me by. 

“Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” 
― Guillaume Apollinaire

pause and experience your happiness. there's no point in following my steps to happiness if you spend all your time focusing on trying to make yourself happy without enjoying the feeling of BEING happy. 

and MOST importantly, 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” 
― Dr. Seuss

i have been worried about writing an update on my state of mind. worried that i would jinx it. worried that i would be speaking too soon and everything would come crashing down around me if i dared to write about how i am doing these days. 

the truth is ... i feel ... happy. 

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

i have worked hard to work through issues, to face my darkness, to be vulnerable, and to come out of my cocoon into happiness. 

maybe it's the sunshine. or the love and support i am receiving. maybe it's the warm weather or the long walks. maybe it's the changes i am making in my life and in my mind; in the way that i think. whatever it is, i feel true happiness for the first time in a long time. 

“There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.” 
― Stephen Chbosky

do you ever laugh so hard that it hurts? do you ever get the giggles and laugh until you cry? laughing with friends is better than any medicine. when i was a kid, i would get the giggles and couldn't stop laughing. i had to leave class on several occasions because i just couldn't get myself together to stop laughing. those are the best kind of laughs. 

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” 
― Jonathan Safran Foer

i think that allowing myself to feel the sadness. to feel my grief, and my hurt, and my pain. to feel the dark emotions that i avoided for so long. i think that feeling those emotions - letting them in - has allowed me to let in the good feelings. and these good feelings are filling me up with happiness. don't misunderstand, i still feel the bad feelings. i still have stress and anxiety and worries and fears and grief and sadness and all the pain of the world. but those feelings don't weigh me down. i feel uplifted. i feel like i can fly. 

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk,

i allowed myself to look inside. to face my own darkness. to be vulnerable. to put myself out there. i allowed myself to share my stories. and this has left me feeling happiness. 

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.” 
― Ayn Rand

i am learning that i am worth something. i am worthy, and deserving. these are new words for me. and these are words that scare me. but also make me feel happy. 

“All happiness depends on courage and work.” 
― Honoré de Balzac

it has taken a great deal of work to get to this place. i have had to be brave and face my darkness and face my fears. i have had to take risks. and all of this has brought me happiness. 


so there it is, readers, i feel happy. something i never thought would happen. when you are numb to the bad feelings of the world, you are numb to the good feelings too. 

be kind to yourself, 
xoxo

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.” 
― J.M. Barrie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM&feature=kp

...

sometimes life sucks

life gives you lemons and you're supposed to make lemonade, which is really just adding sugar to cover the sour taste which doesn't actually make you feel better. it just hides the sour parts of your life while you try to see through rose-coloured glasses. 

lately i have been seeing the world through what captain stressy pants calls "shit coloured glasses." 

which really sucks. basically i think everything sucks. even things that aren't all that bad. 

so what do i DO to make myself feel better? 

well, i am still trying to figure that out. i have been listening to happy music, blogging, walking on the treadmill, walking the dog, talking to friends, and trying to see the positive through the crap. 

honestly, it just feels like one thing after another piling on top of my shoulders and even pokey sue's needles and electricity and her harder than hard massages don't relieve the stress from my shoulders. i carry a lot. pokey sue says i spend my time worrying and stressing about other people - that i even worry about her lemon tree. she asked me why, and i didn't have an answer. why DO i worry and stress about everyone else and all their stuff? why do i take on other people's burdens? 

back to the question of how to clean off my glasses and feel happier when life throws lemons at me (lemons that haven't grown on pokey sue's lemon tree because it still hasn't grown any fruit)?

well ... i turn that question over to you ... what do YOU do to make yourself feel better?

be kind to yourself, 

Cultivating Happiness

Happiness needs to be sought, cultivated, and appreciated. 

I have recently started a gratitude journal. Every day I list the things that I am grateful for. It's a nice way to focus on the positive things in my life. 

Today I am grateful for SC suggesting a last minute getaway and for S&J for making us feel welcome and at home, as always ...

We arrived at our secret hideaway and were greeted outside by the resident dog. Boundless energy and affection. she looks like Sprocket from Fraggle Rock. 

Then we were shown to our room by our ever gracious hosts where champagne and chocolates awaited us. 

We then watched a herd of deer crossing the river. 

Do deer travel in herds? anyway ...

Dinner was stuffed chicken, potatoes, yams, and broccoli. Soooo good. We sat around and chatted for hours. Then a good night sleep. 

We awoke to a gorgeous sunny day. 

And had breakfast which included my special request: avacaos in maple syrup. Mmmmmm .... happiness can be cultivated when you stop to enjoy the multiple flavours of a good meal. each bite, savoured and paid attention to. 

Now we are trying to get up the energy to go out. The plan is to go watch ice racing which is a bunch of crazy people having car races on ice. 

*****

Yep ... ice racing was as crazy as I imagined. Slipping. Sliding. Crashing. Spraying the spectators with snow.  

The rest of the day was spent adventuring; this means driving with no destination and finding ourselves on roads the GPS can't find. Then discovering beauty ... you can cultivate happiness by being still when surrounded by nature and taking in how beautiful each season truly is. 

*****

Sunday we went to visit family. Got hugs and kisses. Played a long card game. And then drove back to the hideaway for dinner - ribs and fettuccine alfredo. 

I may or may not have had 3 glasses of wine and a glass of champagne. 

We have packed up for the morning. We leave after breakfast. I don't really want to go home! It's so nice here. 

I also keep running into images of butterflies, which I will blog about later:

find your happiness by nurturer it. enjoy the happiness that finds it's way into your life. happiness can be as simple as finding a good book on sale. and you can cultivate that joy by purchasing the book and making time in your busy day to stop, be still, and read it. 

xoxo

...