dealing with anxiety

in the past, i have written about anxiety, worries, and being anxious. today i want to talk about ways to deal with anxiety. 

anxiety is a major part of my life. it has been for as long as i can remember. lately, i have been dealing with anxiety by grinding my teeth. i have only had one panic attack in the last month thankfully. but i still get a clenched belly and clenched jaw. 

so what is anxiety? it is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. or, as a disorder that causes nervousness, fear, apprehension and worrying. 

so what can you do about it? how can you live life when you are constantly in a state of worry and apprehension? 

learning relaxation techniques is important. whether that means something like meditation, or simply breathing exercises or muscle relaxation techniques. 

another step is to challenge your negative thinking. for me, one of my biggest worries is about my car. i am always sure it is going to blow up, or get a flat tire. so i talk myself through the scenario. will my car blow up? no. cars don't spontaneously explode. they just don't. will i get a flat tire? it could happen. will it kill me? no. i have CAA and can call someone to come and help me. it will suck, but i will be okay. and likely, i wont get a flat tire. 

limit your alcohol and caffeine intake. they can make your anxiety worse. (yes, DP, less coffee could be helpful)

get enough sleep. when you are sleep-deprived (as i often am) you are more prone to worry. and when you are in a state of anxiety, you need more rest. 

exercise is helpful ... (so i am told repeatedly by nosy nora). something as simple as going for walks can really help to manage your symptoms. 

eat foods high in anti-oxidants like blueberries. as well as almonds, dark chocolate, fish (eww), and pumpkin seeds. they supposedly lower the hormones responsible for stress. i don't know if this is true, but there are no negative effects to eating these things, so go for it. 

say no. seriously. 

say no. 

don't get overwhelmed by commitments. we lead such busy lives and we over-commit ourselves. you need to learn your limits and respect yourself enough to enforce them. this might mean staying home on a friday night when all your friends are out having fun. it's okay. you don't have to do everything. 

keep a journal that keeps track of when you are anxious and try to identify what you are feeling anxious about. as i type this, i am worrying about how it will be received and i am grinding my teeth. as you journal and discover what is causing your apprehension and fears, you can uncover the things that are within your control. then you can make changes to the situation 

there are situations beyond your control. but focus on the things that you CAN change. and then ... change them. 

set aside worry time. give yourself an hour each day where you are allowed to worry about everything. you are allowed to stress and freak out and run every situation over and over again in your head. and when the hour is up, you are done. finished. no more worrying allowed. turn it off. think about other things. 

another idea from nosy nora is to put in your earphones and listen to happy music, or music that makes you feel good, or music that has positive memories tied to it. and if you feel like it, dance along. it's almost impossible to feel anything but happy when you are dancing along to "sweet home alabama". check out this website on music and memory to further understand how music can connect you to happier and calmer feelings.  http://musicandmemory.org/

use positive thoughts to challenge the negative ones. "this is scary but i will be okay." or "this is awful, but i have some strategies to deal with it." i use geneen roth's suggestion of adding "the sky is blue" to my thoughts. it neutralizes the thought by attaching the statement to it. "my car is going to blow up the sky is blue." or "i am never going to get this right i am such an idiot the sky is blue."

there's always meditation and yoga. for those of us gently rounded people, yoga sounds terrifying. i am so anxious about yoga that i have to do it at home using youtube videos instead of going to a class. but it's better than not doing anything at all. 

most of all, if anxiety is running your life, seek support from friends and family, and potentially from a health care professional. living with anxiety is really challenging. trust me. it sucks. but there are ways to manage your anxiety and you don't have to do it alone. 

and as always, 
be kind to yourself,

xoxo

...

anxious

lately i feel a sense of panic all the time. like something bad is coming. but i don't know what it is. 

anxiety has a grip on me. 

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

i can't imagine being free. i can't imagine what it would feel like not to be worrying about something. i wonder what it would feel like? 

i want to describe my anxiety. but i am having trouble finding the words. 

“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” ― Anaïs Nin

i disagree with anais nin ... i think that the person feeling the anxiety is the one who feels like they are trying to save a drowning man. anxiety is the man who has a grip on you and you have to decide to let him go in order to save yourself. 

anxiety clings to me and pulls me down. 

the latest thing that gets to me is commercials for things like cars. i have no idea why. car commercials make my heart start to race. i think it is the idea of making a huge purchase. i have a car. a good car. i've only had it for a year and a half. so i'm not buying a new car. i don't know why i am sent into a panic whenever i see or hear a commercial for cars. did you know there are a zillion car commercials on the radio and television? sheesh. 

“To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left.” ― Lemony Snicket

i feel like i live my life on the verge of "our only hope" as if there is nothing i can do to save myself from whatever is coming. intellectually i know that there is nothing bad coming. but emotionally i am waiting for the next terrible thing to occur. 

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie ten Boom

carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength ... carrying the worries of things that i can't control. i can't control the things that i worry about and i worry about things that are beyond my control. i use up a great deal of energy worrying and feeling anxious. it's exhausting to be honest. no wonder i am so tired all the time. 

“Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far.” ― Jodi Picoult

i know intellectually that worrying doesn't solve any problems. worrying doesn't prepare me for tomorrow. it doesn't help me get through my day. but it certainly occupies my time and occupies my brain power. 

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus

i agree that my anxieties are not about "real" problems. but i don't agree that my anxiety is imagined. the constant worrying, the grinding of my teeth, the biting of my nails, the lying awake at night, the wondering ...  those aren't imagined. those are real. 

“But I can hardly sit still. I keep fidgeting, crossing one leg and then the other. I feel like I could throw off sparks, or break a window--maybe rearrange all the furniture.” ― Raymond Carver

i take my nervous energy and i put it into my body; i grind my teeth, i bite the insides of my cheeks, i dig my nails into my cuticles. i direct my anxiety into my body. my heart races, my stomach is in knots, and my palms are often sweaty. 

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ― Khalil Gibran

my anxiety is about my fear of what i can't control. 

when i get most anxious is when i am faced with something that i can't control, like the reactions of other people, or trying to find a parking spot, or driving somewhere and getting lost. 

“For so many years, I couldn’t understand why every time I thought that someone finally loved me, like… for real, they would eventually turn to vapor. Every person whom I’ve ever loved is trapped inside of my chest. I’ve breathed all of them in so deeply that I’ve nearly choked and died on every soul that I’ve ever given myself to.” ― Jennifer Elisabeth

my biggest fear is that everyone i love will die and leave me alone. i spend a lot of energy worrying about death. the truth is, that everyone WILL die, eventually. so it isn't a completely unrealistic fear. the unrealistic part is how i spend so much time, energy, and fear worrying about it. the anxiety of it eats me up inside and takes up a huge space in my brain. 

this is the part of my blog post where i am supposed to give you some piece of advice about anxiety. this is the part where i share some gem ... some wisdom about living your life to the fullest, about how to rid yourself of worries, about how to free yourself from anxiety. 

i can't do that this time. this post is about my own struggle, not about how to free yourself from yours. all i can say is, 

“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.” ― Brené Brown

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

worrying in yellow alert ...

"I have to worry, it's the only thing I'm good at." - Arthur Christmas 

i hear the low rumble of distant thunder in my head. 

constantly. 

i worry. 

a lot. 

all the time. 

i worry about everything. i worry about parking, and driving, and teaching, and learning, and sleeping, and not sleeping, and food, and money, and eating, and working, and not working. 

i worry in a car with the doors locked at night. i worry driving with the window open in the day time. i worry walking the dog past strangers. i worry about being seen. i worry about NOT being seen. i worry about being alone.  

i worry constantly. 

the worries grow exponentially. the more worries i have, the more i worry. my head is like an appendix of things to worry about. 

i am in a constant state of yellow alert ... ready to spring to red alert at the slightest sign of trouble. 

so i wanted to write about some strategies for dealing with worries. 

1. a gratitude journal. it is difficult to think about your worries when you are listing the things that you are grateful for. brene brown said that gratitude is a practice - that it is something you have to actively work at. each night, i write a list of the things that i am grateful for. 
2. tell someone. anyone. the more you keep your worries to yourself, the bigger they get. it's like a balloon that you keep putting air into: it gets bigger and bigger and you know that at some point it is going to burst. but telling someone your worry is like letting the air out of the balloon. 
3. list your FACTS ...Fast Accurate Concise Truthful Statements. (see http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2014/02/uitwaaien-facts.html for more information on my FACTS strategy)
4. work through a plan. some of the things that i worry about, like directions on how to get somewhere, can be solved by making a plan.
5. making a list of what you are worried about is a way to get it out of your head. but it also allows you to break down your worries into pieces. which takes away from the giant pile. 

people often tell me not to worry. don't worry about it. you worry too much. as if i can just turn off the worries in my head. 

i wish i could. i wish more than anything that i could go an hour without thinking about all my worries. but all i can do, is be kind to myself in my worrying. 


be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

here is some worrying music ...  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci44xau9n7Q
http://www.last.fm/tag/worrying
http://www.allmusic.com/album/sacred-songs-for-worrying-times-mw0000823125
http://8tracks.com/leisurelilt/worrying-music
http://www.last.fm/music/Bobby+McFerrin/_/Don't+Worry,+Be+Happy
http://www.mtv.com/videos/swedish-house-mafia/839069/dont-you-worry-child.jhtml

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