what i learned from pokey sue

pokey sue is my acupuncturist. i hate acupuncture. i hate needles. but i love the feeling of being the centre of attention and care for an hour. and i love the balance i feel after treatment. 

i wanted to write about the lessons i have learned from pokey sue over the last 3 years ...

1. you wouldn't eat garbage, so why would you listen to people who speak garbage? why would you take in their words? learn to separate the garbage from the healthy words and take in only those words that are good for you. 

2. if you cut a quince and take out the seeds, and soak the seeds in water overnight, and then drink the goo that forms, it will coat your sore throat ... it also tastes like goo and makes you gag, but that's beside the point ... (http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2011/10/adventures-in-quinces.html)

3. celery can be put in the blender, drained, and drunk, helping to lower your blood sugar. it also tastes like crap. which is surprising because i love celery. but i don't like it as a drink. as a drink it is very nasty. 

4. lemon trees are hard to grow. (http://aprilgigiangels.blogspot.ca/2014/02/pokey-sues-plant-predicament.html)

5. truth can set you free and break a million hearts at once. 

6. willpower comes from hope. and when you lose hope, you lose your willpower. 

7. focusing on the positives are important. 

8. everyday, wake up and tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving. 

9. there are people in this world who care so much about other people that they devote their career to caring for them - even if that means stabbing them with needles.

10. plants have similar reactions to lie detectors that humans do. plants have been shown to react to negative and positive stimuli. 

11. stick tea shrinks cysts.

12. love is the most important emotion. 

13. different parts of your body have different times that they are ... i dunno, active? 

14. people come in and out of your life at different times to teach you things. some people can really touch your life without them even knowing it. 

what lessons have you been taught?

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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self-care

one of my best friends, captain stressy pants, is nearing burnout and as far as i can tell, has very little time for self-care. 

i want to talk about what self-care means. 

i have not been practicing self-care in my time off. i have been sitting around, napping, watching tv, and killing time. 

the only 2 things that i have been doing that involves self-care has been blogging, and going to therapy. 

so it's time for me to write about it, and then begin to DO it. 

so what IS self-care anyway? 

it is doing things that make you feel good. it is taking the time to make yourself important. 

self-care means only taking on what you can handle. it means choosing to put yourself first once in awhile. CP says, "whenever i think of self-care i always think about when you fly on an airplane and the emergency instructions tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others." .it means taking time to do the things that make you happy, like making music, or going for a walk, doing yoga, and having fun. as a new mom, CP says that you don't find time for self-care, you have to advocate for yourself and ASK for it. 

i asked LES what she thinks about self-care. she replied:

i feel a constant drive to do things, be for others, take care of others, move forward … i feel like stopping and putting me first means putting others last and doing that makes me feel worse and then not at all self-carish ... i practice self-preservation, like having a cup of tea and being silent … even if just for a moment… it restores me enough to keep going

i assured her that self-preservation is a form of self-care. taking time in your day to take care of yourself and tend to your needs. even if that means a cup of tea. 

captain stressy pants is close to burnout because of her job. so i thought i would share these tips on how to practice self-care at work:

the biggest problem that we have with self-care is that the word "self" sounds like the word "selfish" ... but putting your needs ahead of others isn't selfish, it is self-preservation. 

saying "no" is a complex but simple way to practice self-care. something that we certainly need to do more of, and feel less guilty about. as i said in a previous post, nosy nora says that saying no is simple ... "it starts with your tongue on the back of your teeth and ends with your lips in a circle."

today i challenge you to take a few minutes to do something entirely for yourself. something that makes you feel good. it could be as simple as sitting at the table and eating an apple. 

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

...

balance and self-care

www.achieveinafrica.org

when i was a child, i had penpals all over the world. my favourite activity was to write a letter, on real paper, put it in an international mail envelope, put a stamp on it, and then drop it into the red mailbox. then i would wait about a month until i received a reply. my best pen pal lived in zimbabwe and sent me all sorts of letters and presents. i still have a necklace that she sent me 25 years ago. 

as an adult, in our constantly advancing technological world, i now have a digital pen pal: WTR

howtothisandthat.com 

WTR and i met randomly on a scrabble app about 4 years ago. and after a year of playing each other and chatting, decided to become facebook friends. and now she is my pen pal, only we chat in real time. funny how the world and the ways we make connections has changed so much in 20 years. 

today when i was chatting with WTR about my guilt over having been off work, she said:

"As women, we're programmed to think we can and should do it all. it's hard to accept that we can't and shouldn't try."

she is so right. 

from birth, we are conditioned to think that we can do it all. and when we can't do it all, we feel bad about ourselves. and we judge other women who don't seem to be doing it all. we judge women who give themselves permission to take time for themselves. we judge women who choose to stay home with their kids and we judge women who leave their kids and go to work. 

vicky-lifeonthehill.blogspot.com

we feel guilty and ashamed of being unable to balance work, family, home, friends, and a social life. cooking, cleaning, working, being a loving and attentive wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece, an employee with responsibilities ... it's hard work. and no one can do it all without giving up themselves and their own needs. 

i decided to ask CP how she manages. she said:

"mostly i just make it all happen. and it feels like no one really notices,, except for other mamas. i tend to have a deep connection with those women. so, i make it work until i can't. and when i can't, i let it wash over me ... the way i do when i sit in a river with moving water. i cling to rocks and let the cool waters swim past me. and hopefully, when i come up for air, pieces of me haven't washed away ... no matter what, a new version of me will eventually be molded, eroded, and sculpted. and most of the time i am tickled and delighted to be in it. but it's fucking hard." 

how do we balance our lives so that we can give to others and to ourselves? how do we give to ourselves? 

kirstentulsian.com 

i think the balance comes in finding something for yourself. maybe it's coffee with a friend once a week, a yoga class, a favourite tv show, meditation, going for a walk, going to the gym, or even blogging. this blog is where i put my energy for myself. and writing posts for this blog is how i take time for myself.

i asked CP, what about time for yourself? her response was "hahahahahaha, i have to work up the courage to ask for it. and not feel guilty. or shitty."

so i asked Kate the same question. she replied: 

"i am an extremely high energy person. i value my time and my life. i love my job but it will never take precedence over my kids. i love my girls but work made me a better mom. working out gives me joy, a social life, and keeps me fit and sane."

so how do we give ourselves permission to do the things that nourish our soul? how do we make ourselves believe and accept that we are worthy and deserving of time for ourselves? 

Geneen Roth wrote:

finding the things that are worth doing is the secret to happiness. i totally just made that up. but i think that it might be true. "celebrate every one of your hungers" whether it be hunger for food, or hunger for writing, or hunger for running, or dancing, or reading, or walking, or talking to a friend, or volunteering ... "if it doesn't bring you pleasure, it's not worth doing" doesn't mean don't do the laundry. the laundry needs to get done. so do the dishes, and the cooking, and the cleaning, and paying the bills, and doing the grocery shopping ... what it does mean is, if working out at the gym doesn't bring you pleasure, then that isn't the right exercise for you; find a dance class, or go for a walk, or swim, or ride your bike. find the thing that brings you pleasure. 

in the meanwhile, as always, 

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

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