being still ...

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” 

- T.S. Elliot

last night i was chatting with K.M. about being still and listening ...

i am trying to learn to be still. it feels like an insurmountable task. 

to me, T.S. Elliot's definition of being still means turning off my brain, sitting in silence, and waiting for something magical to happen to you ... 

... it feels impossible ... i can't turn off my mind. 

ever.

... i used to believe that stillness meant sitting without movement and thinking about nothing. for 3 years i have lay on Pokey Sue's treatment bed desperately trying to clear my mind, to still my thoughts, to think about nothing ... pokey sue always tells me to be kind to myself while she leaves the room ... and i would lay there beating myself up for not being able to turn off my mind; for not being able to be still ...

Brene Brown wrote: "stillness is not about focusing on nothingness. it's about creating a clearing. it's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question."

... Brown's definition allows for my tumbling mind that is open during those treatments - my mind that feels and thinks and dreams and questions. 

perhaps stillness isn't sitting here trying to make my mind stop. perhaps stillness is letting my mind wander and seeing where my thoughts take me. LISTENING to my thoughts and getting a better understanding of what is going on inside my (jumbled) head. perhaps being still means letting the inner-critic finish her rant, and waiting to see what voice speaks next; listening for that gentle voice, and waiting to hear what she has to say ...

today i invite you to be still. 

i invite you to take time, 5 or 10 minutes out of your busy day, to sit with your thoughts and see where they take you. 

maybe you will discover something new about yourself, or about your path ... you have nothing to lose. 

be gentle with yourself, for as i have learned, stillness doesn't mean silence or a lack of movement. 

it means listening to the thoughts in your head without judgement, and allowing your thoughts to communicate themselves freely.  

xoxo

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