let them eat cake ... the whole cake ...

the other night i was introduced to the idea that some people settle for crumbs instead of expecting and demanding the whole cake. 

when it comes to actual cake, eating the crumbs instead of the cake only leads to deprivation and later sneaking the cake. it leads to thinking about nothing BUT cake. and it leads to shame. 

“...compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive. No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul. We refuse to take in what sustains us. We live lives of deprivation. And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge. The way we are able to accomplish all of this is by the simple act of bolting -- of leaving ourselves -- hundreds of times a day.” ― Geneen Roth

cake as a metaphor can allude to so many things.

relationships
settling for the crumbs means not expecting or demanding what you deserve from family, friends, or your partner. you deserve to be treated with respect. you deserve to be asked how you feel, how your day was, what you like, and what you want. you deserve to matter. you deserve to be in mutually respectful relationships in which you are equally important. you deserve to be compatible with the people you love. you deserve not to get text messages from your mother that say "you suck" or "you are a bad person." 



work
do you know how many times i have wanted to ask for more but was afraid to look like a jerk? i want better preps, i want better duties. i want less meetings and more of a break. i want a shorter lunch hour ... so many of us settle for the crumbs at work. not asking for a promotion. not sharing our ideas for fear of rejection. not demanding equal pay. work isn't just a place you go to get money. work often defines how we feel about ourselves. you are worth the whole cake at work too. 

sex
yeah ... i'm not going to write about sex. but RS wanted me to include it. when it comes to sex, many people settle for crumbs. you deserve a slice of cake. with layers. and lots of icing. and sprinkles. you get the point. 

food
when it comes to eating, too often i settle for the crumbs. literally. i starve myself until i am so hungry that i over-eat. because i don't think that i deserve to eat a slice of cake like everyone else. so alone and unobserved, i will eat my cake. but i will eat it like it is the last piece of cake i will ever have in my life. i don't taste it. and i don't enjoy it because i am being sneaky and don't think that i deserve to enjoy it. if i DO eat cake in front of people, i spend the entire time wondering what people are thinking about my cake eating. so i don't enjoy the cake at all. i barely taste it. 

so now what? i wish i had an answer for you. i wish i could tell you HOW to stop living on crumbs and to live a cake-filled life. but if i knew that, i would be living on cake myself. if i knew that, i wouldn't have a plate full of crumbs in front of me and i wouldn't feel guilty about even having that. i would ask for what i need, demand what i deserve, and seek out more cake varieties. 

so that is our homework ... choose one small area of your life where you accept crumbs, and look for a way to have a slice of cake. then email me or comment at the bottom of the post and tell me about it. i look forward to hearing about your accomplishments, and your struggles!

be kind to yourself, and go for the cake

xoxo

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