hunger

i am hungry all the time. 

i hunger for love, for affection, for validation, for acceptance, for art, for beauty, for inspiration ... i have an insatiable hunger for joy. 

“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.” 

― George Eliot

the hunger for what is beautiful and good rumbles in my heart. my need feels so huge that it may consume me, if i don't consume what i hunger for. 

“Hunger of choice is a painful luxury; hunger of necessity is terrifying torture.” ― Mike Mullin

being hungry often leads us to fill that void with an attainable source. we replaced our hunger for love and affection with a hunger for food. because food can be found and consumed. food can be used as an attempt to fill those empty spaces where beauty and worthiness are missing.

We hunger for something more, something other.” ― Ann Voskamp

we are often on the lookout for something else. constantly seeking what we don't have. amassing wealth, power, possessions, in an attempt to fill that empty aching space inside of us that is a hunger for more. the feelings of not enoughness drive us to seek out more and more items, instead of looking for what will actually fulfill us which may be as simple as music, hugs, laughter, and good friends. 

“I didn’t set out to discover Truth. I was simply hungry and digging deep in the back of the fridge and boom! there it was. And I’ve got to tell you, the Truth was tasty. 
” ― Jarod Kintz

what is your truth? and how can it feed your hunger? hunger is like an ache that can only be satiated by filling yourself with what is missing. food hunger happens because our bodies need fuel. food is fuel. and when we fuel our bodies, we are able to function through our day. but what about that other hunger? the hunger for affection, for love, for validation, for acceptance ... what about the hunger that we don't know how to fill?

 "Guilt is fueled by obligation hunger is fueled by desire.”― Tyler Edwards

if hunger is fueled by desire, then filling yourself with what you desire is the solution to the emptiness. seeking out what we need. asking for what we need and deserve. demanding respect. seeking out relationships that satiate our hunger for acceptance, love, belonging, and affection. fill yourself with the goodness of the people around you. find a way to fill yourself with beauty through art, music, dance, theatre - as a spectator or a participant. 

“Someday we shall look back on this dark era of agriculture and shake our heads. How could we have ever believed that it was a good idea to grow our food with poisons?” ― Jane Goodall

"how could we have ever believed that it was a good idea to grow our food with poison?" ... how could we have ever believed that it was a good idea to grow our souls with poison? to grow requires love, affection, devotion, praise, belonging, worth, and enoughness. 

you are enoughness. you are worthy, and deserving, and the hunger you feel for whatever it is that you need ... that hunger can be filled by seeking it out and demanding it. there is nothing wrong with asking for a hug from someone who will genuinely hug you back. there is nothing wrong with telling a friend that you need to know you are loved. we hunger for more than food, water, and shelter. we hunger to feel like we matter. 

if you are reading this, you matter to me. 

you matter.

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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feeding me with feedback

there is nothing greater than getting feedback on my blog. i wanted to share this email that i received from E, about the post from yesterday, "unleashing my hunger" (click here to read the original post). 

So here is our guest blogger of the day, E:

What is forbidden is desired.  Which is why my own kids eat when they want and what they want.  

Of course we do have dinner as a family but depending on their snacking throughout the day they may eat more or less at the table with us and it was and still is never a problem.  

My Mom did the same thing as yours about food with us, especially junk food.  Which is why I have a huge junk food drawer at my house with a basket filled with chocolate and candy on the coffee table and every now and again I have to dump it in the trash because no one really seems to care about it.  As you say, it is there and not restricted and anyone that comes over always comments on how “good” my kids have it with the abundance and accessability of treats.

My Mom used to discipline us to eat our dinner.  The more she forced us to eat everything that was on our plates, the less hungry I became.  Dinner was a dreadful event. My mom was one of 7 kids in a very poor home and so she just couldn’t understand how we did not want food when she would have killed for it growing up.  

By the time she had my younger brother and sister, she didn’t care anymore and pretty much changed her whole attitude about eating and the rules around it.  She cleaned homes for a living and often commented on how the families she worked for did things very differently and then she would try to do the same at home.

As far as the rule on love goes, the Biblical command to “love your neighbour as yourself” can only work if you truly do love yourself and treat yourself kindly.  Otherwise if you don’t love yourself and treat others as yourself, then wouldn’t that mean you are not being truly kind to others?

As you can see, you have struck a cord in me.  I too get angry about the whole food issue when it comes to kids.  When I am hungry I NEED to eat. That is all I can think about at that moment. Therefore, when students are hungry then they should be allowed to eat as well. Especially them, who are growing little bodies.

thank you E, for sharing your story. what is forbidden is desired. love yourself and love others. eat when you are hungry. eat what you feel for. 

treating yourself well so that you can treat others well. that is a good message. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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unleashing my hunger

throughout my childhood, i was told that i wasn't hungry. i would open the fridge and my mother would say, "you're not hungry, you're bored." and then i would be pointed towards the carrots. 

at school, eating was regimented. we could eat when it was snack time, and lunch time, and those were the only times when food was allowed. as a teacher, i fight against this idea of children not know when they are hungry. what if they aren't hungry at lunch time? what if they are hungry at 10:30 am? or at 2:45? 

in my classroom, students are allowed to eat when they are hungry. we do have a healthy-food-only rule. at lunch time they are allowed whatever junk they feel for. but in the classroom, there are no chips, chocolate, cookies, or sugary drinks allowed as a snack. 

i want my students to learn that they are in charge of their bodies and that their bodies know what they need. so if they want to eat chicken noodle soup at 10 am, they are allowed. if they want to eat an apple or yogurt or cheese and crackers at 2:30 pm, they are allowed. i never ever tell them that they aren't hungry. if they say, "i'm hungry" i either direct them to their lunch bag, or to the "hungry basket" i have at the front of the room that is filled with fruit and crackers and bagels and melba toast and bread sticks. there is one child whose mother sends a bag of snacks every month and he keeps them in a drawer. he knows where his snacks are and he can eat them whenever he wants to. 

i can see parents cringing when they read this. a child allowed to eat whenever s/he wants to? they will over-eat and gain weight and be unhealthy and unhappy. 

bullshit. 

i overate as a child when i was denied food. i overate in secret. and what i snuck to eat was unhealthy, full of trans fats, and full of sugar. food became a comfort. it became my secret rebellion against the lack of control i was given around my hunger. and other times, i used my ability to starve myself as a form of control. the summer i was 12, i lived on juice. i was taken to doctors and weighed and measured. i was bribed with food. but i refused to eat for an entire 2 months. 

the child in my classroom who was given free-reign over his food started out eating non-stop all day long. he would forage and stuff his face with the snacks his mother sent for him. but over time, as he learned that the food was there whenever he wanted it, and that his teachers would allow him to eat whenever he wanted ... he slowed down. now, he may go days without accessing his snack drawer. his hunger is real. his hunger is legitimate. and his hunger is his responsibility. so he manages it in a healthy way. because HE is in charge of his body. he listens to his hunger. 

i could learn an awful lot from this little boy. 

i have unleashed my hunger over the last few months. my hunger for food. my hunger for knowledge. my hunger for spiritual fulfillment. my hunger for love. my hunger for peace and stillness in myself. 

unleashing my hunger means trusting myself. and trusting myself is terrifying. i was taught from birth not to trust my instincts. i was taught not to listen to myself. i was taught to eat breakfast before school, even if i wasn't hungry; to eat lunch at 12:00, even if i wasn't hungry; and to wait until dinner at 5:00 before i eat again, even if i was feeling hungry before then. 

i was taught to do what i was told, regardless of what i want. 

i was taught that love meant putting everyone else ahead of me and my needs. 

i am unleashing my hunger on the world. i am taking it all in. sometimes that means i am so overwhelmed that i can't get off the couch. sometimes it means i curl up in my self-imposed cocoon and cry. sometimes it means i eat an entire bowl of cadbury mini-eggs. sometimes it means i listen harder, i speak my truth clearer, and i love more intensely. 

unleash your hunger. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo


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