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i have done quite a bit of research on dream interpretation over the years, and i have my own spin on the meaning of different images in dreams. but i have always been stuck on the meaning of the following recurring images: elevators, basements, closets, secret passageways, and bathrooms/toilets.
i often dream about elevators. and most of my dreams are about confusing elevators that take me to the wrong place. and i get lost. sometimes getting lost is okay, in my dreams, but sometimes it means i have gone somewhere terrifying.
In general, the up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious. To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life etc. Citation
i suppose that the emotions i have have been experiencing lately are certainly up and down. but i feel like the elevators i dream about are confusing and they take me to places that i don't want to go. like if i am trying to get to my hotel room on the 3rd floor, the elevator won't have a "3" button.
these dreams connect to the secret passageway dreams. because often i have to go through tunnels or passage ways to try to find my way from where the elevator has taken me. the passageways and the elevators have an ominous feeling attached to them. they aren't pleasant dreams.
the secret passageways in my dreams usually end up in the basement or i have to go through a tunnel in a closet.
To dream that you are in a cellar, represents a part of your subconscious mind where you have kept your fears and problems hidden. To dream that you are going down the cellar, signifies that you are digging deep into your own past and facing your fears. To see a closet in your dream symbolizes something in your life that you have kept hidden. citation
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| http://bestdoordesignideas.com/closet-doors/ |
there is a lot of negative emotion - fear, shame, sadness - attached to my struggle to get through the passageways, the elevators, the closet.
so what do these dreams mean? why do i constantly dream about being lost, about riding in elevators, about climbing into closets and through secret passageways that lead to the basement?
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| http://sambot.com/2005/03/breaking-and-entering.html |
last night i had my elevator dream. only this time, the elevator had 3 toilets in it. no stalls, just toilets. and i remember thinking to myself, who would use a toilet in an elevator?
i dream about toilets a lot too. i can't lie. usually it is a dream where i need to pee but i can't because the toilets are dirty, or clogged, or the door won't close, or i can't find the toilet because i have to go through a labyrinth of secret passageways to try to find the toilet.
i used to think that these dreams were about needing to get something out of me that i was keeping inside: an emotion, a thought, something that i needed to tell someone. but nosy nora suggested that toilet dreams are about shame. and that is starting to make sense to me. i carry a lot of shame about a lot of things. i carry it as extra weight on my body. each extra pound is the external representation of my internalized shame.
and as i reveal my shames, the dreams are shifting and changing. the toilets in my dreams are clean and available. and out in the open for use.
my hope and goal is that as my shames are spoken out loud, i will start to feel lighter inside, and as a result, perhaps i will start to be lighter on the outside.
AG read this post for me because i was trying to decide whether or not to publish it. regarding shame she said, "you're bringing it to the surface. shame can't survive in the light. it thrives in darkness and hiding." i would like to know what i did to deserve such kind, thoughtful, wise, and caring friends???
i want to talk a bit about Brené Brown and shame resilience. if you haven't watched her TED talk on vulnerability, i highly recommend it. and i thank KM for sending it my way originally and introducing me to Brown's ideas. Here is a link to the video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Brené Brown suggests 4 aspects of shame resilience:
Recognizing and accepting personal vulnerability: All of us are vulnerable to experiences of shame, our shame triggers. When we recognize the emotional and physical signs of shame, we have the chance to understand what’s happening and why, and to seek help. Conversely, when we fail to acknowledge shame, we are taken off-guard, we are flooded with overwhelming emotions, and we fail to recognize what we are feeling.
Raising critical awareness regarding social/cultural expectations: Critical awareness surrounding shame is the ability to link how we are personally feeling with society’s sometimes conflicting and shaming expectations of us as individuals. We see the big picture (we contextualize).
Forming mutually empathetic relationships that facilitate reaching out to others: When we reach out for support, we may receive empathy, which is incompatible with shame and judgment. We recognize that our most isolating experiences are also the most universal. We recognize that we are not defective or alone in our experiences (we normalize).
“Speaking shame,” possessing the language and emotional competence to discuss and deconstruct shame: By learning the language of shame, we learn to draw distinctions between shame, guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation. We can “name shame” by separating it from secondary emotions such as anger, fear, and isolation. We learn to ask for what we need. We learn and share what we know with others (we demystify).
shame resilience involves; accepting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, contextualizing our shame within our cultural/societal expectations, finding people who show you empathy which cancels out shame, and recognizing when we are experiencing shame.
AG said that my shame is a gremlin who lives in the dark, thriving and growing. through being vulnerable by speaking my shame and understanding where it fits in my family culture and societal expectations; by speaking my shame to people who show me empathy; by speaking my shame and discovering that others experience the same vulnerability; i can recognize when i am experiencing shame and i can bring those gremlins out into the light to shrink them in the sun.
so my dreams ... are they about my shame? are my dreams of being lost in a labyrinth, of trying to find a bathroom but it being so dirty and unusable, of climbing into closets, through secret passageways and ending up in basements ... are these dreams of shame? shame that i need to bring to the surface?
last night i told KM that i feel lately, as i uncover my shame, that i have opened pandora's box. and i think i have only begun to unpack the box. i think i have only let loose the top layer. i don't even know what is at the bottom of the box.
but as i sift through this box (of memories, of shame, of past experiences) i am ever grateful for the empathy and compassion that i am seeing reflected in the eyes of SC, of my friends, of nosy nora, of pokey sue ... (this week i told pokey sue that i come to her clinic for love and compassion and then i end up getting stabbed ... to which she replied, "it's not stabbing, it's poking.")
for more reading about shame and shame resilience, see Brené Brown
xoxo
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