stories

i want to write about stories:

the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we tell our families, the stories we we tell our friends, the stories we tell the world ...

DS mentioned something he learned about memories, and how each time we tell a memory, we change a little piece of the memory. and that the most pure memories are the ones we can't remember. 

i think it is more than that. i think that we tell our stories for so many different reasons. 

the stories we tell the world, are the stories that make us look good. we aren't going to tell the world that we are mean, and angry, and selfish. we edit our stories to make us sound like the good little people we want to be. 

the stories we tell our families are edited. we leave out the shame. 

to our friends, we tell stories that cast us in various lights; trying to balance our shame, our truth, our joy, our sadness ... 

and then there are the stories that we tell ourselves. these are the stories that our inner critic narrates inside our heads. and although we believe that all the other stories we tell are the altered stories ... it's the stories we tell ourselves that are the most distorted. 

the inner critic in my head is an on-going monologue ... more like a diatribe - a forceful and bitter attack against myself. my inner critic is mean, angry, shaming, loud, nasty, and doesn't know how to be quiet and listen. my inner critic is debilitating.

http://audacium.com/i-thought-my-inner-critic-superego-was-bigger-than-yours/

when i tell myself a story, or retell a story to myself, the inner critic takes over and analyses everything and then tells myself that i was stupid, or embarrassing, or worthless, and therefore i AM stupid, and embarrassing, and worthless. 

so what do we DO with our inner critic? how do we stop her from ranting and raving inside the very core of ourselves? Zed and i talked about the inner critic yesterday (welcome to being quoted in the blog!). Zed suggested that perhaps the inner critic needs to be killed. She thought perhaps drowned. and we agreed that drowning her with ice cream, and chocolate, and chips, and candy, and french fries, and done nothing except make me fat. 

so i decided to ask Zed about her inner critic ... who is this voice? why is it so mean? and how do you silence this voice?

my inner critic? well she isn't as loud as she used to be. growing up, i was always the 'smart one.' i never thought i had much talent in anything. my middle sister was amazing at everything. i felt like i wasn't good enough. BUT ... that all changed as i got older and i realised that looks and beauty are fleeting, and it's what counts on the inside. i had many anxieties about new situations. like, you wont get that job, you're not qualified ... blah, blah, blah ... i could go on ... the inner critic is like this pimple on your face that is massive. sometimes you can cover it with your hair or make up, and sometimes it's out there for the whole world to see and you can't do anything about it. mine is like a tiny red mark on my forehead - there, but no one really notices it. 

so the inner critic lives in all of us. the question is how to silence her. is it with therapy? is it with medication? is it with mediation? is it with hate or with love? 

Zed said that her husband sees something in her that she didn't see "for the longest time." so now when her inner critic is speaking, quietly, she smothers her with a pillow. maybe being loved fully and deeply quiets the inner critic. maybe it is love that is smothering her, and not a pillow at all. 

AG, on the other hand, tries to listen to the inner critic. like she's a little girl who has something to say. and that she needs to be listened to, and treated with compassion, and given what she needs. and by discovering that, she can be quieted. 

i try to listen past the anger and hurt of the inner critic. but she is so loud. so persistent. and so mean. 

the stories we tell ourselves are not all lies. they are distorted versions of the truth that make us feel safe in the familiar. it is safe for me to tell myself that i am undeserving. it is safe for me to tell myself  that i am not good enough. or that i am just not enough. it is safe, because if i changed the narrative ... if i began to tell myself that i am good, or smart, or worthy, or enough ... if i began to have a voice in my head telling me that i am deserving ... well that would just be crazy! i would start to think that i deserved things. i would start to want things. i would start to ASK for things. and that would be such an enormous shift in my reality, that i don't even know what that would look like and it is terrifying. 

i am "leaning into" the terror ... how do you quiet YOUR inner critic? use the contact form on the right to tell me your story, or leave your comment for others to read. because, after all, sharing your stories is what frees us from the loneliness and the silence. 

xoxo

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