blogging

“Blogging is to writing what extreme sports are to athletics: more free-form, more accident-prone, less formal, more alive. It is, in many ways, writing out loud.”- Andrew Sullivan

why do i blog? 

i have found that my writing is often as much for me as it is for the people who read me. 

“Writing is the only way I have to explain my own life to myself.” 
― Pat Conroy

i work out a lot of the things in my head through my writing. it is how i sort out my ideas, thoughts, dreams, frustrations, and inspirations. and by sharing these things in a blog, maybe one person will take something from my sorting and apply it to their own life. i have to believe that someone is getting something from my writing as i am at nearly 14,000 page views. mostly from the USA and russia. 

“My blog is a collection of answers people don’t want to hear to questions they didn’t ask.” 
― Sebastyne Young

i do often wonder if i am babbling. or if people are skimming my writing and moving on to their next thing. my blog is a collection of thoughts on random ideas from my head. 

“She logged in and read a few of her old posts, smiling at the issues she had raged about and shaking her head at how some of the rants now seemed pretentious and judgmental. She had grown so much without even realizing she had. Mythili typed out the draft, spicing it up subtly and after a last read, she published it. Admiring the brand new post on her main page, she realized she missed writing. She had barely written anything since her last by-line. Typing this out, she felt like she was back with a long-lost friend who understood her. It was like snuggling up in a warm blanket when a thunderstorm raged outside.” 
― Shweta Ganesh Kumar

writing has got to be my most favourite thing to do. and sharing my writing makes me feel heard and understood. blogging is a way to share my writing easily. 

“In a sense who you are has always been a story that you told to yourself. Now your self is a story that you tell to others.” 
― Geoff Ryman

telling my story and sharing my SELF with others makes me feel like i matter. little insignificant me in this vast world. 

“Blogging isn’t about publishing as much as you can. It’s about publishing as smart as you can.” 
― Jon Morrow

lately i haven't been blogging daily. and that is because i don't want to write random posts that are meaningless. i wait until i have a topic that i feel passionate about discussing, or when someone gives me an idea, or when i have a burst of inspiration. sometimes it happens daily, and other times there is a space of time in between. 

writing is my passion. what is yours?

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

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writers block

“Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?” 

― Kurt Vonnegut

i have been struggling to write over the last month. struggling to find topics. struggling to find words. i have spent hours staring at the blank screen, waiting for ideas to burst forth from my fingers. 

i love the feeling of the keys clicking under my fingers. the sound of the keys, clicking and clacking. click click click making words, sentences, thoughts and ideas. phrases that will be read. phrases that share my inner world. 

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.” 

― Lili St. Crow

i love to write. i am scripturient. my OAC english teacher called me a prolific writer. i write every day. and the idea that i am out of ideas scares me. so, i am writing about writing. i am writing about my lack of writing, my struggle to write.

“Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.” 

― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

i am sitting here, listening to the click click click, feeling the keys clickity clack under my fingers. hoping that i will come up with some brilliant idea that will inspire my readers. or more importantly, inspire myself. 

“I haven't written in a week. It's like holding your breath under water. You feel an awful constriction and then the instinct to propel yourself.” ― D.A. Botta

it's only been 2 days since i have written. but it feels much longer. the absence of words leaves an emptiness inside of me. a longing to put my thoughts into words. words into phrases. phrases into organized ideas. breathing life into words, and words into breath. 

the typing is rhythmic and soothing. like a drum beating to the rhythm of a heartbeat, my typing makes me feel alive. and having nothing to write about leaves an absence deep inside of me. 

“All writing problems are psychological problems. Blocks usually stem from the fear of being judged. If you imagine the world listening, you'll never write a line. That's why privacy is so important. You should write first drafts as if they will never be shown to anyone.” ― Erica Jong

as a blog writer, i don't have the luxury of pretending to write like no one will ever read what i say. this blog has had over 12,500 page views. 12,500 times something that i have written has been read. it is an instant way of connecting with the world. there is nothing as satisfying as getting comments and responses to my writing - even when those responses disagree with me. in fact, the disagreements are the most exciting responses for me to read.

“writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all” ― Charles Bukowski

be kind to yourself,

xoxo

...

the real deal

nosy nora asked me if my positive blog posts were reflective of how i was feeling these days, or if i was projecting into the future of how i want to feel ... 

... i think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. i am a different person than i was a year ago. i feel different than i did a few months ago. and i write my blog in a positive tone because i feel like no one wants to hear about what depression really feels like. 

so ... here i am, writing about where i am at right now. 

i wake up in the morning and i drag myself out of bed. i go to work because i want to have structure and routine in my day. but i am not "into" it. i plan my lessons and i teach my class. and the kids are sweet. today one of them gave me a jar of paper stars that she made for me. 

after 3 hours at work, i am exhausted and i head home. i try to stay awake, but end up napping. then i sit on the couch and try to convince myself that i need to get outside, get some fresh air, and go for a walk. i try to convince myself that i will feel better if i move my body, mostly because nosy nora thinks i will. but i lack the motivation to DO anything. i flip through channels on the tv and never settle on anything. so i end up putting on some music. i try to read a book, but i can't concentrate for more than a few pages at a time. i can't crochet because my hands hurt. i don't like talking on the phone, and even if i did, most people are at work or out doing things besides sitting on the couch. 

i want, more than anything, to go to the gym. and i keep planning to go, and then when the time comes, i have a panic attack and just can't get there. the longer i put it off, the harder it becomes to go. 

eventually i will find something to eat. maybe. and then i flip through the channels again until i end up on music and read a few more pages. 

depression is energy sucking. the only thing that i am interested in doing these days is writing. it is the one thing that helps me to get out of bed in the morning. i love knowing that when i get up, i can write. and knowing that after work i can come home and write. 

writing is my way of coping, of organizing my thoughts and feelings and packaging it all in one place - the page. 

so i hope that you will continue to indulge me as i write each day, sharing my thoughts, ideas, and feelings with the world - sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but always speaking my truth.

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

scipturient: having a consuming passion to write

"a word after a word after a word is power" - margaret atwood

i am consumed by my passion to write. i am scripturient. 

"there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - maya angelou

i cannot go a day without writing. my dream job would be to be a writer. but then i would miss teaching. so i settle for blogging as a way to feed my passion while still keeping my day job. 

SC wants to be a writer. she is a talented writer. she says reading my blog makes her not want to write herself. but i can't wait to read what she writes. 

sometimes i think that i write too much. sometimes i think that readers must be bored with getting so much of me, and so much of my words. 

"if my doctor told me i had only six minutes to live, i wouldn't brood. i'd type a little faster" - isaac asimov

sometimes i am compelled to write. nothing else will settle me. i need to write. an email, a blog post, an online chat with a friend - there are times when my fingers need to be flying across the keys. 

this is one of those times. 


i have a consuming desire to make words appear in order on the screen. 

"everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise." - silvia plath

there is nothing more satisfying that words on a page. i breathe life into words, into breath, and i live. 

find your consuming passion, 
and be kind to yourself ...

xoxo

...