Stress

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” 
― Tina Fey

stress. 

we all have it. and some stress can be healthy. stress can be motivating. 

but some stress can be overwhelming and crushing. 

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” 
― Steve Maraboli

often the things that stress me out are things that i have no control over - like other people's reactions to things. but then there are other things like being disorganized and not paying my bills on time. i control that aspect of my life and when it gets out of control, i need to take responsibility for it. but that doesn't make it any less stressful. 

the stress response is your body's way of protecting you - of telling you that there is something wrong. 

our responses to stress (fight, flight, or freeze) occur when we are overwhelmed. the problem is that the body doesn't distinguish between physical and psychological threats, so we react the same way. and the longer we are under the stress response the more ... well, stress it puts on our bodies. 

“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” 
― Fred Rogers

listening to ourselves is just as important as listening to each other. we know when we have had too much or are doing too much. but we often feel guilty pulling back on our commitments despite our stress level. asking ourselves the right questions about our ability to continue, about our health, is as important as making the decision to stop and take time for ourselves. without those questions, we can get swallowed up in our stress. 

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.” 
― Jane Wagner

some stress is unavoidable. it just is. life in this western society is go go go fast fast fast produce produce produce. and a person who stops to smell the roses is self-indulgent and selfish. which is totally untrue, by the way ... i know because i stepped out of my life for a few months and let myself practice self-care and the world didn't end. the world kept turning, in fact. and nothing fell apart just because i took time for myself. 

“Stress is the trash of modern life-we all generate it but if you don't dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.” 
― Danzae Pace

so what? 

what do we do to deal with stress? well, quite frankly i am NOT an expert on dealing with stress. i'm the opposite of an expert. geez, one of my closest friends is nicknamed captain stressy pants, so between myself and my friends i know a LOT about what causes stress what affects it has on your body and on your health ... but when it comes to self-care, i am leaving it up to the Canadian Mental Health Association http://www.cmha.ca/mental_health/stress/#.U4-p0_ldUuc to give you advice:

Identify the problem. Is your job, school, a relationship with someone, or worries about money causing stress? Are unimportant, surface problems hiding deeper problems? Once you know what the real problem is, you can do something about it.

Solve problems as they come up. What can you do, and what are the possible outcomes? Would that be better or worse than doing nothing? Remember, sometimes solving a problem means doing the best you can—even if it isn’t perfect—or asking for help. Once you’ve decided on a solution, divide the steps into manageable pieces and work on one piece at a time. Improving your problem-solving skills is a long-term strategy that can help you feel like you’re in control again.

Talk about your problems. You may find it helpful to talk about your stress. Loved ones may not realize that you’re having a hard time. Once they understand, they may be able to help in two different ways. First, they can just listen—simply expressing your feelings can help a lot. Second, they may have ideas to help you solve or deal with your problems. If you need to talk with someone outside your own circle of loved ones, your family doctor may be able to refer you to a counsellor, or you may have access to one through your school, workplace, or faith community.

Simplify your life. Stress can come up when there are too many things going on. Learning to say no is a real skill that takes practice. Try to look for ways to make your to-do list more manageable.

Learn helpful thinking strategies. The way you think about situations affects the way you respond to them. Unhelpful thoughts, such as believing that everything must be perfect or expecting the worst possible outcome, can make problems seem bigger than they really are.

Learn about stress management. There are many useful books, websites, and courses to help you cope with stress. There are also counsellors who specialize in stress. There may be stress management courses and workshops available through your community centre, workplace, or school.

Start on the inside. Practices like yoga, meditation, mindfulness, prayer, or breathing exercises can help you quiet your mind and look at problems from a calmer, more balanced point of view. With time, these practices can help you manage your response to stressful situations as they come up.

Get active. Physical activity can be a great way to reduce stress and improve your mood. Activity could be anything from taking up a new sport to walking. The most important part is that it gets you moving and you enjoy it—it shouldn’t feel like a chore. If you experience barriers to physical activity, try talking to your doctor or care team for ideas.

Do something you enjoy. Making time for hobbies, sports, or activities that you find fun or make you laugh can temporarily give you a break from problems. Listen to music, read, go for a walk, see a friend, watch your favourite movie, or do whatever makes you feel good. This can give you a little mental distance from problems when you can’t deal with them right away.

so ... now i need to practice those strategies myself! i hope you can take something from this post. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

grumblins

“There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.” 

― Terry Pratchett

i like to make up words, and to use made up words. for example, "grosh" means grumpy and irritable. "skress" is when you are frustrated and stressed out. "frazzle razzle dazzle" is my way of swearing around little ears. 

and then there is the grumblins. 

grumblins are when you hold on to things from the past that are long past time to let go of. 

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

i am thinking about my grumblins today because a political figure, whom i plan to vote for, was my first bully. i was 5. he was 7. but it's hard to let go of that. 

i still remember the mean things that he did to me when i was 5. i remember the teasing when i was 9. and yet, he is an excellent politician who has made a difference in our community ... but every time i see his face on a poster or a lawn sign, i think about the time he asked me to rate the breasts of all the girls in the school (it was a teeny tiny school). 

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ― Steve Maraboli

so what purpose does it serve to hang on so tightly to my grumblins? why do i remember every tiny injustice done to me? like when B&M stole my stickers when i was 8? or when J pinched me under the table with his toes when i was 6? or when A said "you know you have to dance at this rehearsal right?" when i was 14. 

the grumblins often weigh me down. 

so i turn to you ... what's your advice on how to get rid of the grumblins? what's your advice on how to choose what to hold onto and what is a balloon that needs to be let go of?

i eagerly await your responses. and if you are reading this by email, feel free to visit the website and leave your comment there. www.aprilgigiangels.blogspot.com

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

...

how to sleep better ... tips from an insomniac

sleep. 

we all need it. 

we all want more of it. 

i worked as a nanny for many years. and in that time, the bedtime routine was very important. if the children had a good sleep at night, we would have a good day. 

think about how children are put to bed, read a story, and tucked in ... that's how we need to treat ourselves. 

i can fall asleep, but i wake up. then lay in bed worrying about things until i fall back to sleep and then wake up and worry some more, then fall back to sleep, then wake up AGAIN. this happens between 3-6 times a night, every night. 

because i have been an insomniac all my life, i have done a great deal of research on good sleep habits. i am an expert on HOW to have a good night's sleep. i'm just not an expert on sleeping. 

here are my 10 sleep tips:

1. stick to a regular sleeping schedule. that means no long sleep-ins on sunday mornings. yuck, i know. but getting up at the same time every day helps train your body to know when to wake up. that helps you sleep at night. it's better to have a nap later in the day than it is to sleep in. however, try to limit your naps as they make night sleep more challenging. try for an early afternoon nap of 30 minutes. 

2. light plays an important role in how you sleep because it affects your melatonin. in the daytime, it is important to get sunlight, even if you are inside. and at night, you need to reduce artificial light. crazy, i know! this means not spending long periods of time on your laptop, tablet, or phone. this means when you read in bed, it's better to read an actual book ... with paper pages ... i know, crazy, right?

3. routine, routine, routine. having a bedtime routine is essential for people who have trouble sleeping. a bath, reading a book, doing some stretches, listening to music ... things that are familiar and routine help you to unwind. think about children again ... you give them a bath, give them warm milk, read them a story, give them a kiss, and tuck them in, and wish them a good night sleep with dreams that are sweet ... then we grow up and we are expected to just get into bed and go to sleep. you need to treat yourself the way you would treat a child. have a routine that involves you being kind and gentle to yourself, the way you would want a child to go to sleep and have sweet dreams. 

4. caffeine and other stimulants. i don't need to tell you. they won't help you sleep. 'nuff said. 

5. still your mind. i know what you're thinking ... us anxious people having a quiet mind?!?!? but it's possible. deep breathing helps, thinking about FACTS (click here for previous post on FACTS) , progressive muscle relaxation (tense your body and relax each muscle one at a time), or visualization ... 

i like to visualize a favourite place from my childhood. in my mind, i walk myself through each room noting details like the posters on the walls, the colours of the bedspreads.

another trick i use is counting backwards from 500, by 3s, 4s, 6s, or 7s. 

and my personal favourite trick is listing green things. i close my eyes and picture the grocery aisle. i start to list everything green in the produce section. then i list the rest of the green things in the store. then green things in the world. then green things that i have owned. IF i run out of green things, i start back at the produce section and choose a different colour. i don't usually make it out of the grocery store though. 

6.  your sleep space needs to be comfortable. a colder sleeping space is better because your body temperature needs to lower for you to be able to fall asleep. i asked  Zed  about sleeping and she said, "i like my bedroom really cool, almost cold. i don't like a lot of blankets or covers; i feel smothered."   i am the opposite about the blankets. i need to feel the weight of a big thick blanket on top of me, but i might have a foot sticking out to keep me cool. 

7. physical activity. blah blah blah. but its true. getting enough exercise in the daytime helps you sleep better at night. 

8. the mayo clinic suggests managing stress. well duh, if we could manage our stress we wouldn't be reading a blog about better sleeping habits! however, here is what they had to say about how to manage stress to promote better sleep. 

When you have too much to do — and too much to think about — your sleep is likely to suffer. To help restore peace to your life, consider healthy ways to manage stress. Start with the basics, such as getting organized, setting priorities and delegating tasks. Give yourself permission to take a break when you need one. Share a good laugh with an old friend. Before bed, jot down what's on your mind and then set it aside for tomorrow.  citation

9. food and drink to promote sleep:

during the day:

• walnuts
• cheese and crackers
• kale
• chickpeas
• foods that contain magnesium (seeds, almonds, cashews, legumes, and dark leafy green vegetables)

before bed:

• valerian root
• melatonin tablets
• whole grains as a bedtime snack (cereal, toast, crackers) 
• chamomile 
• hops
• passionflower 
• warm milk

10. aromatherapy - lavender is the scent that many people to promote sleep. you could use essential oil, or a candle, or spray, or an aromatic pillow. whatever works for you. 

so there are ten tips from an insomniac on how to have a better sleep. 

what are YOUR tips for a good night's sleep? please leave your comments below. 

xoxo

...