be kind to yourself

i end every blog post with "be kind to yourself" but what do i mean? 

self love. self compassion. self kindness. these are difficult concepts. it is much easier to treat others with love, kindness, and compassion than it is to treat ourselves this way. but it is something that we must learn and must strive for. 

“Do your thing and don't care if they like it.” 
― Tina Fey

doing your thing and not caring who likes it is the ultimate love for yourself. 

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” 
― Rita Mae Brown

conforming to what others (family, society, etc) expect of you is not self-love. it is in fact the opposite. it is crushing. you can't like yourself when you are not being your authentic self. 

“Dare to love yourself
as if you were a rainbow
with gold at both ends.” 
― Aberjhani

being able to treat yourself with kindness means believing that you are worth it. and that can be very challenging. believe me, i know. but being kind to yourself means not letting your inner critic win. you know, that voice in your head that tells you how stupid you are? what a loser you are? what stupid choices you've made? being kind to yourself means telling your inner critic to go fuck herself and telling yourself that you are okay. that you did okay. that no one is perfect. 

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” 
― C.G. Jung

accepting yourself completely means treating yourself with compassion. it means creating a new inner voice. one that speaks with kindness and love about your imperfections. 

“If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.” 
― Victoria Moran

when you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and love, you are telling the world that you matter. you are telling the world how you expect to be treated. and you are demanding respect. treating yourself this way is an act of defiance against a world that tells you not to put yourself first. 

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” 
― Steve Maraboli

but putting yourself first is acceptable. because in the end, you need yourself. as much as you need other people, you need to love yourself and this starts with the way that you treat yourself. 

“Did your mom ever tell you, ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything’? She was right–and talking nicely also applies when you’re talking to yourself, even inside your head.” 
― Victoria Moran

your inner critic, or what geneen roth calls The Voice, is loud. and she needs to be taken down a notch, or two, or ten. if you don't have anything nice to say to yourself, then don't say anything at all. self-kindness means speaking kindly to yourself even in your head. it means being gentle with yourself and forgiving yourself for things that you said or did. 

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” 
― Brené Brown

owning your story leads to self-acceptance, which leads to self-love. telling your story is not the same as owning it. anyone can tell their story. but owning it is courageous. it means accepting your story and thus yourself. this only leads to self-love. 

“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.” 
― H. Raven Rose

inside us is a small child who still views the world through a child's eyes. loving that child, and being gentle with that child leads to a gentleness with your adult self. 

what does it look like to treat yourself with compassion and kindness? it looks like telling your inner critic to shut up and speaking to yourself gently. it looks like forgiving yourself. it means trusting yourself. 

believing that you are not a mistake that needs to be fixed. 

for example, after eating half a cheesecake and feeling like a complete and total loser, telling yourself gently that it's okay. that you ate a cheesecake. so what? tomorrow you wont eat a cheesecake. it looks like asking yourself why you needed to eat half a cheesecake? and accepting the answer. 

or when you are speaking to your boss and you say something that leaves you feeling embarrassed. you could beat yourself up, or you could be gentle with yourself the way you would with your best friend ... imagine speaking to your best friend the way you speak to yourself!?!? you wouldn't have any friends anymore! 

imagine speaking to yourself the way you speak to those you love. imagine how gentle and kind you would make yourself feel. 

“Loving oneself
Is the most primal
Of all survival mechanisms” 
― Karen Hackel

be kind to yourself, 
and gentle, and compassionate,

xoxo

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