owning your feelings

it's easy for us to admit and own our kindness, our happiness, our helpfulness. but LES suggested i write about owning our anger, our frustration, and those emotions that we think of as "bad." to own your feelings means to admit that you have those feelings, to accept the feeling, to feel it, and to express it in a healthy way. 

“We think too much and feel too little.” 
― Charles Chaplin

i have written before about there being no such thing as good or bad emotions, there are just emotions. and they ebb and flow. and they are all okay. 

but how do we actually own those emotions that we try hard to pretend that we don't have: jealousy, rage, frustration, anger, disappointment ... 

... as a child, my family didn't talk about emotions. but if i expressed any of those "bad" emotions, i was taught to bury it and be a good girl. good girls don't get angry. good girls aren't jealous or disappointed. good girls smile and accept what life hands them. 

“Emotions come and go and can't be controlled so there's no reason to worry about them. That in the end, people should be judged by their actions since in the end it was actions that defined everyone.” 
― Nicholas Sparks

in my life, i have faced experiences that have left me feeling lonely, and empty, and i didn't know how to handle those feelings because i was taught to suck it up and be good. 

“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.” 
― Khalil Gibran

good girls don't express their feelings, they hold them in. 

i have been thinking a lot about loss lately and my reactions to the losses i have faced in life. 

i shut down years ago and found ways to numb myself from the pain of loss. one of those ways was food, another was sedatives, and another was to shut down part of my heart to protect myself from further loss. 

had i been taught how to own my emotions and to express them in healthy ways, i think my life would have been very different. 

now, i blog. blogging is how i sort out my thoughts and my feelings. 

“Never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.” 
― José N. Harris

so how do we own our emotions? what can we DO with those emotions that scare us?

yell
sing
run
walk
jump
scream
do yoga
breathe
mediate
talk
write
call a friend
listen to music
make music
draw
sculpt
cry
take a bath

find something to do that makes you feel good. allow yourself to feel the emotion. there is nothing wrong with feeling. there is nothing wrong with being jealous, angry, hurt, disappointed ... there is nothing wrong with feelings. 

how we act upon our feelings is a whole other story. i am not suggesting you take out your rage on someone else. that isn't healthy. neither is it healthy to take out your rage on yourself. and yet, it is okay to FEEL rage and to express yourself in healthy safe ways. through writing, for example. and then tearing up your writing. 

the truth is ... i am telling myself this as much as i am telling you. 

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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