i was given a baggie with folded up letters in it. old letters. 19 year old letters. letters from my friend gigi who this blog is named after. letters and poems from my best friend who died when we were 18.
getting these letters and reading them was like getting a piece of her back.
i forgot how sardonic and sarcastic she was. i forgot how passion about social justice she was. i forgot how funny she was. i forgot the mundane things we talked about like English projects and hockey games.
i wanted to share with you a couple of her poems. because i want to share a piece of her with you. here are her poems:
So what?
Just because your heart is pumping doesn’t mean you’re
living,
Just because you’ve made a lot of money doesn’t mean
you’re successful,
Just because you give to charity doesn’t mean you’re
generous,
Just because you’ve got a degree doesn’t mean you’re
intelligent,
Just because you have everything you’ve ever wanted
doesn’t mean you’re happy,
Just because someone says you’re better than mean
doesn’t mean I should respect you,
Don’t try to buy me with your wallet, money hass no
lasting value.
Don’t try to buy me with your superficial flattery, I
can see right through it anyway.
Don’t try to make me jealous of your riches, I’m rich,
I just dion’t have any money.
Don’t try to make me look uneducatied, there are some
things you’’ll never learn in school.
Don’t try to tell me I can’t change the world, jjust
watch and learn.
By Gigi
Friday may 13, 1994
The
train moves forward
Travelling
towards my dreams
I am
left behind
When small
Tense, hunched over
Paper and pressing
Hard and carefully
To make words
Letters precise and deep
Within the page
Grammar corrected and
Stressed constantly
Unrelenting, ruthless
And then
Letters perfected
Personal style perfected
(big letters and circles over the “i”s)
Grammer perfected and enforced
And then
Rejection
Messy
scrawls written hurriedly
Punctuation
forgotten or ignored
Incorrect
grammar, rules scorned,
Mocked;
too rigid for
Real
expression
And then
For always
By Gigi
November 7, 1995
this is the last thing she ever wrote. she wrote it on the subway on the way to the party where she died:
Sunday, December 31, 1995
365 days in the year
5 hours left now
Somewhere in the world
It’s already
Next year
But not yet
Here
1996
The year of my graduation
I hope
And then?
New years eve
Is always a night
Of contemplation
Wondering
About accomplishments
Failures
Dreams
And unwanted realities
Life has too many variables
Or not enough
And what will 1996 bring?
What will tomorrow bring?
Tonight?
Is there merit in trying to guess
Or second guess?
And what are we counting down to?
Another ten seconds of our
Life go by
As we look to the next year,
Which will come if we
Watch the parties on T.V. or not.
A funny thing about those
Televised countdowns,
One station tells you
5 seconds left,
The other tells you 7.
Does it even matter?
i want to leave you with this poem about the light inside of us and how we can change the world. that's all she wanted to do; change the world. and change it she did. she changed me. she changed everyone she touched. and her light shines on inside those who loved her. be kind to yourself, and let your light shine ...
Personal light
Each of us has our own little light inside
And after we die various things can happen to that
light:
Some lights fade away into the darkness and nobody
notices or cares about the loss of their light
Some lights shine brightly, but nobody wants or needs
their light and some
Even despise the suffering the light brings
Other lights shine with a loving glow that encompasses
all
Anyone who has ever felt the warmth of these beams
keep a little glimmer of
Them with them wherever they go
These lights remain brilliant and everlasting
Every person chooses which light will shine within
themselves and the type
Of light that will shine after them
(you can) light up the world (forever)
By Gigi
Saturday June 11, 1994
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