Hateful Harriet sees all this and tells Fat Fanny that she is fat and stupid and tells her that of course she's fat because she makes such stupid choices.
Afterwards, Polly feels shame and stupidity and crawls into bed with Scared Susan. The two of them whisper to each other in the dark.
And then Fat Fanny hears their whispers, tucks them in, and decides what happens next. It might be sleeping, crying, hiding, or eating another kind of junk food which repeats the cycle. And then within that cycle, it starts to not matter what she eats. It can be soup or salad or cucumber or melon. Once the cycle has started, Hateful Harriet and Punishing Penelope just keeping telling Fat Fanny that she's worthless and ugly and a stupid pile of shit. And then they report to Purging Polly and call her horrible names until it's easier to throw up than to listen.
It's way more complicated than that, obviously. Throw in all the chronic physical pain I have been experiencing, and external stressors and all the things that suck in my life. But I think it's the clearest way to describe what happens. And to explain the ways in which it is a cycle. And to demonstrate that there are ways to break the cycle, if I let parts like Sexy Sasha take over. Or even to call on Morning Myrtle, who finds pleasure in reading, write my, drawing, and cups of hot tea in bed. Today I allowed Myrtle to take me for a walk. We walked 6 km in the gorgeous sunshine. It felt so good. I came home and drew.