so i was beginning to think that over the last 2 years i haven't really made any changes. that i trudge along throughout my day and do the same things, behave the same way, react the same way ... i felt like i was a caterpillar stuck at that stage of my life, in a cocoon unable to grow wings.
... nosy nora asked me if i noticed any changes and i said not really. then she listed the changes ...
... i am no longer addicted to nortriptyline or what nosy nora and i call "the yellow pills." i don't take them. i don't obsess over them.
... i no longer abuse sedatives. i don't crave them. i don't think about them and long for them.
... i say "no" more often. and i am aware of doing things that i don't want to do, and at times i don't do them. AG reminds me that i am an adult and i don't have to do anything i don't want to do.
... i no longer binge. if i start to binge, i am able to stop myself in the moment and question why i am bingeing. and i am able to stop the cycle.
... i no longer purge. even when i really, really have the urge to throw up, i have strategies and coping skills that i didn't have before.
... i am able to feel my feelings and am no longer numb to my emotions.
those are some pretty major changes. and here i thought i wasn't doing the work to change my life. i still have many more things that i want to work on. i am still struggling with depression and anxiety. but in the grand scheme of things, i am doing pretty damn well. so maybe i am a butterfly now.
think about your life over the last few years. what changes have you made?
be kind to yourself,
xoxo
...
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