pride

“You have some queer friends, Dorothy,' she said.The queerness doesn't matter, so long as they're friends,' was the answer” ― L. Frank Baum

why do i get so excited about a million queers coming together to celebrate our diversity and our strength and our pride? 

first of all ... i hate crowds. no, you don't understand, i HATE crowds. i also hate the heat. i hate wandering aimlessly up and down the street. i hate being bumped into. i hate people smoking in the crowds and having to breathe in the smoke. 

so ... why do i love pride weekend? 

we live in toronto, where queer people are somewhat accepted. i am out to my family, friends, colleagues, health care workers, therapist, without issue. i am NOT out to my students. or their parents. because it doesn't feel safe. 

safety. 

i love pride weekend because you can be out and open and express yourself in the safety of the village, surrounded by other queers who get your story, who get your experience. 

“That's one of the things that "queer" can refer to: the open mesh of possibilities, gaps, overlaps, dissonances and resonances, lapses and excesses of meaning when the constituent elements of anyone's gender, of anyone's sexuality aren't made (or can't be made) to signify monolithically.” ― Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick

i remember my first queer pride experience. i was 17 and with an amazing group of friends. we were overwhelmed and amazed. we were shocked by so much that we saw. i wasn't out to many people yet, and it was incredible to be surrounded by queers from all over who were welcoming and happy and celebrating. my first introduction to the queer world was happiness. 

“What I love about being queer is... Everything. I like that it makes me different, and I like that it makes people uncomfortable sometimes. I like that it makes people ask me lots of questions about things they probably would not normally ask people about their relationships or lifestyles. And most of all I love being queer because i get to have a girlfriend.” ― Tegan Quin

over the years, i have done things like walk topless down yonge street with glitter on my breasts, spend hours in the beer garden at the 519 community centre sitting and talking with friends, people watching, walking up and down the street aimlessly for hours, sitting on the street watching people walk by and guessing their stories. 

and the one thing that remains the same is the feeling of community. the feeling of belonging. 

this year, i am missing the pride festivities because i have a choir performance. i have been pissed off about it for months. but as i was thinking about it this morning, i came to realize that my big gay choir is my big gay family - including the annoying cousins, the rude aunts, the creepy uncles, and the dearest hearts. 

so this year, i am not "missing" pride, i am spending it singing with my big queer family on a big gay stage being annoyed, being happy, being out, being proud, being strong, being silly, being irritated, being mad, being giddy, being excited, and being human. 

happy pride!

be kind to yourself, 
xoxo

“Are you queer? she said.Me? Yea, I'm queer as a coot.You dont look it.Is that right? You know a lot of queers?You dont act it I guess I should say.Well darlin what would you know about it?I dont know.Say it again.What?Say it again. I dont know.I dont know.That's good. You need to practice that. It sounds good on you.” ― Cormac McCarthy

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cousins

In my cousin, I find a second self.

Isabel Norton

i want to write about my cousins. i have a large number of them. and some of them are the best friends i have ever had. 

many people that i know only have one or two cousins. or they are not close to their cousins. or they never even talk to them. this is so foreign. to me, a "cousin" is your closest relation. you can't get any closer than a cousin, in my humble opinion ...

so i want to write about how i experience cousins ...

A cousin is a sister you never had

Anonymous

CP is my cousin, my friend, my confidant, and my other half. we were inseparable for many years, growing up together, playing in the basement, writing in our diaries, making secret codes, talking on the phone for hours ...

A cousin is the one who is already there doing it when everyone else is saying is there anything I can do?

Anonymous

in my family, cousins know what needs to be done. when there is a death, the food starts to be prepared, the cousins show up and start to organize. there is no need to ask for help, it has already been offered - whether you know you need the help or not. 

A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.Anonymous

most of my childhood memories involve cousins. D and the red plastic shoe incident, campfires at the cottage, swimming to the raft, walking through the woods, visiting the cemetery in the dark, making easter bunny cupcakes, taking care of babies, and most of all, having someone to talk to. BH singing wacky made-up songs on the danforth, making snow homes for plastic bunnies, and watching little rascals on sunday mornings.

A cousin is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway.Anonymous

cousins know your secrets and stay. cousins know you at your lowest and are there to pick you up. 

Cousins by blood – friends by choice.Darlene Shaw

as we have gotten older, cousins have formed friendships. i don't have to talk to my cousins. we could spend the rest of our lives never seeing each other. but i choose to be friends with CP and with D and with BH. i choose to share my life with them. i choose them, not because they are my cousins, but because of our history. 

“Nobody will understand the craziness of your family better than your cousins”

you don't have to explain anything to your cousins. they get it. they've been there. they know that christmas dinner requires kinder eggs. they know that your elderly aunt will make inappropriate unfiltered comments and will need a drive home. they know who pushes your buttons and why and they know how to run interference. 

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the cousins together.” ~ Woodrow Wilson

despite the large number of us, we could easily drift apart. it is our love and friendship that holds us cousins together. the laughter. the shared memories. the shared knowledge of the woodstove at the cottage and how to light it. the fact that the porch light was always on in case someone unexpected arrived in the middle of the night. 

and finally ...

“Cousins are like Bras… close to the heart and always there for support.”

be kind to yourself, and to your cousins ...

xoxo

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