when life gives you lemons ... revisited

how is it that i can be so sure of something when it is about someone else, and so doubtful about the same thing in myself. 

pokey sue continues to be sad that her lemon tree appears to be dying. so yesterday i showed her a photo that i took for her of a lemon tree in a restaurant. 

it had one solitary small lemon on it. she was uplifted by the photo and i noticed how positively sure pokey sue is that she can heal me, and how negative she is about her own lemon tree.

it struck me how common that is - that we can see how someone else can be wonderful, can be okay, can experience change, can survive, and how we doubt ourselves. 

self-doubt is similar to the feeling of being a fraud, except that i think it is more detrimental. mark twain said that to be successful you just need ignorance and confidence. the ignorance is the easy part. we are all ignorant about something. it's the confidence that is difficult when the self-doubts are taking over. 

"our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." - William Shakespeare

we can't succeed if we don't try. and yet our doubts can tangle up our attempts, and our views of what we perceive as a lack of success. 

"I am the constant obstacle to my own momentum." - Pete Vellucci 

i am the reason that i don't succeed. and i am the reason that i do succeed but think that i didn't. 

why do we spend so much time thinking that we are unable to be and do the things that are anything but impossible? why do we doubt our abilities, our brilliance, our enough-ness? where does this message come from that we are unable to succeed when it comes to ourselves? 

how can pokey sue be so sure of being able to balance my hormones and help me to sleep better, but so unsure of her ability to grow a lemon tree? how can i be so sure that i can teach a child to read, but be so unsure of my ability to teach?

how can we grow lemons if we aren't confident in our abilities to make lemonade?

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

ps

this struck a chord today ...

“Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.” 
― Elizabeth Wurtzel

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