a conversation with martha

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” 
― Corrie ten Boom

in my last post, i shared that i have named my anxiety martha. i imagine her as a 75 year old plump and grumpy woman. she likes to knit and nag. and nag and nag and nag. she sits in her rocking chair and tells me all the bad things that are going to happen to me. 

here is what a conversation with martha would sound like:

Me: i have to drive home from the cottage. look, someone has a flat tire.

Martha: you're going to have a flat tire. watch out for that bump. 

Me: it's just a bump.

Martha: nope, it's a bump that is going to pop your tire. and then you'll have to call a tow truck and ride in with with SC and the dog for 2 1/2 hours.

Me: it's just a bump.

Martha: nope.

Me: okay, we passed the bump and no flat tire.

Martha: your tire is going to explode. at some point on this drive. 

Me: really?

Martha: really. it's going to explode and you'll have to sit on the side of the road for hours waiting for CAA to come with a tow truck. 

Me: it's not going to explode.

Martha: what's that sound?

Me: what sound?

Martha: the rattling squeaking sound.

Me: i don't know.

Martha: the car is going to spontaneously burst into flames. 

Me: really?

Martha: yes, i told you that you should have taken the car in for a check-up. and you should have gotten an oil change. and you really should pull over the car right now. right, right NOW. because the car is going to burst into flames with you in it. seriously, pull over.

Me: i can't pull over. i want to pull over. because i know you're right. but i can't pull over here. 

Martha: you should have pulled over while you had the chance. you're an idiot. and now you're going to be an idiot with a flat tire, and a car in flames. 

Me: i'm an idiot. 

what would a conversation with your anxiety sound like? who wins, you or your anxiety? lots of times my anxiety wins. lots and lots of times. the trick is to find a way to tell your martha that she isn't wanted, that she isn't invited, and that you don't want her around. sending away your anxiety and telling it that it doesn't run your life is one way to deal with anxiety. 

“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.” 
― Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

naming your anxiety is another way to separate it from yourself. you are not your anxiety, you are having anxiety. by naming it, you are giving it a separate identity and putting distance between you and your anxiety. 

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” 
― Epictetus

martha and i are safely home from the cottage now. no flat tire, and no flames. in case you were worried like i was. 

in the meanwhile ...

be kind to yourself, 

xoxo

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