You drink it.
I don't know why it is so gross. I love celery.
There is just something about it ... It makes me gag every time. Even when I plug my nose.
So, of course, I am drinking it twice a day ...
************
Truth.
It's a tricky thing. It's a subjective thing. Truth.
The truth lies somewhere between what you think happened and what actually happened. Your truth is not necessarily my truth.
The powerful thing about truth is that it can both set you free and break a million hearts at the same time.
This last year has been a year of facing many truths. Some good some not so good. But facing truths isn't the same as having truths shoved down your throat when you least expect it.
Today's truth was about food. Who am I hurting? Me. Who am I cheating on? Me. Why? Simple really. I don't think that I am worthy of happiness. I don't think that I deserve to be happy.
So I eat. I eat to fill an emptiness that i feel. I eat to fill the silence. I eat to feel comfort and support. I eat to feel.
And then in the next breath I feel the truth and I eat healthy organic food and I eat nothing with preservatives or added hormones. And I start to feel good. I start to feel lighter in my body with less of the negative side effects I have from my unhealthy eating for the last 35 years ... And then I panic ... And I sabotage ... And then I am miserable.
Pokey sue says that if I stop eating the junk, and focus on the good stuff, then I won't crave the junk ... I don't buy it. I was vegan for years. And caffeine free too. And I craved the good stuff all the time.
I think if we were actively at the clinic right now, it would be easier. I would see a purpose, a cause, a reason. But it all seems so far away. So far removed from where we are right now.
Pokey sue says to focus on the positives. I asked her if there was an acupuncture point for willpower. She said no, she said that willpower comes from hope and that I seem to have lost mine. So she helped me to list the positives:
- my period came within 40 days for the last 2 cycles.
- my periods were heavy, which means that my uterus actually had a lining instead of the usual light periods that indicated no lining and no ovulation
- I know how to eat properly
- the excessive heat signs that I have struggled with for the last few years are gone; no hot flashes, no night sweats, less redness in my face
- I can walk the dog for over an hour without feeling like I am going to die
Pokey sue feels like I have made many positive changes. Now I just have to convince myself.
This week's goal: drink celery juice twice a day. SO NASTY!!!!
Every day, I must wake up and tells myself that I am worthy and deserving and that I am worth it ...
Wish me luck ...
Xoxo
...
